Bada-Bing...

Bada-BOOM BABY! Halloween is always a fun time, especially in Manhattan. I visited my sister and her husband and got to walk through the city dressed as mutha fuckin' Tony the Chooch.

I just put up a new blog that I wrote some time in september and forgot to post titled "lug-nut". A lot of the stuff I am going to talk about right now won't make sense unless you read this post's prequel, "lug-nut". Or maybe it will? Idk...the Star Wars Saga always seemed in-cohesive and shitty to me.

Right now I'm lying in bed with bandages tied around my balls. I got my hydrocelectomy yesterday morning so I'm staying in for a few days. Surprisingly, I was not feeling too shitty after the procedure. My balls look fucking ridiculous though, super swollen. The doctor (and the internet) said that it will probably look worse than it did before for a few weeks until the swelling goes down. It's expected after a surgical nut-shank. I can't imagine being a urologist surgeon, you just cut through dick, balls, and vag all day like some kinda of genital butcher.

When I was in pre-op one of the female surgical assistants introduced herself to me and told me she would be in the room during the procedure. I said "oh you will?" and continued to raise my eyebrows at her for 10 seconds. She eventually laughed, and then I thought to myself how flaccid and

tiny my penis will look in a freezing surgery room. Whatever.

After the surgery I woke up wearing a makeshift jock strap-thong out of medical gauze and bandages. I can't take it off until tomorrow, so I'm just bumming around in PJs all day. The pain isn't that bad, I can walk around and only feel a little discomfort. The area will occasionally throb with some dull pain though. My doctor gave me vicodins to help, but I haven't taken any yet and don't really plan on it unless the pain gets much worse. I'll probably just sell them to some pill junkies, cause honestly what adult do you know that wouldn't say yes to prescribed painkillers? Hopefully some.

Speaking of drugs, I actually did get my volcano vaporizer recently. It's fucking awesome. If you don't believe me, you should come over and try it. I was on the fence about dropping that much money and getting it until I found a site that offered FREE-OVERNIGHT-SHIPPING. My logic was: "No way...I can be ripped TOMORROW? Buy NOW." I haven't really used it since my surgery, but I'm sure I could without any negative affect on the area...I'm just worried that I'll get paranoid and think the government planted a tracking device in my balls.

I've gotta say though, my favorite part of a hydrocelectomy hands down: FREE SHAVE JOB! So precise and so neat, these doctors really know how to mow the lawn.

Crohn's wise, I'm definitely feeling better then when I made that last frustrated post. I've been drinking a lot of those ensure drinks and trying to really watch what I eat. A few glasses of tea every day also help soothe the tummy for me.

I also recently started going for acupuncture, there's a guy who does it like two minutes from my house so it's extremely convenient and easy to do. I noticed that usually after a session my stomach will actually feel better, but if I eat a little too carelessly it will be set back again. I think if I really buckle down on my diet for a few weeks and continue going for acupuncture that I will be feeling much better, so that's the plan for now. As soon as my poofballs go down in size a little, I'm going to start going again. I should be back to my daily routine of school and work starting Monday. Unfortunately, I gotta stay off the drums for a little while...but hopefully I'll be back in action in a few weeks!

Stay shitty.

fuck.

This on and off flare shit is killing me. I think the key with Crohn's is to just never be too confident with how you're actually doing, at least that's how I feel. Since I got home from tour in August it's kinda been back and forth. If I ever eat with too much confidence (or gluttony) I end up fucking myself and setting myself back for a few days. Especially with classes starting, it's hard to not just eat shit at school all the time. I've been trying to keep gum in my mouth to keep me from eating shit. I don't know what's up with my stomach but the smallest bullshit will cause a setback.

It looks like I'm gonna have to go back to that exclusive tea/yogurt/barley grass juice/jello diet for a few days. And then just eating some easy shit for a few days. Apparently a Cat Scan came back and told me that everything was fine in my stomach, but apparently something is not. There's some definite swelling but I'm sure it can go down with the right eating just like it has in the past. I'm determined to beat this shit whilst in the process of returning to school, work, music, that whole thing.

I also ran into some other problems too that are pretty ridiculous, I'll write about it faster than you can say "totem scrotum".

lug-nut

After abandoning this thing for essentially 4 or 5 months....where should I start? Luckily, for most of these past few months I've been feeling fine, with an occasional smoke fucking up my scar tissue and making me a paranoid-mess for a few days.

I remember a few months ago, probably like the beginning of May, I smoked a serious fattie. The next day I remember hearing my stomach making some seriously loud gurgles and feeling a shit-ton of pressure because it wouldn't push anything through. After spending a few days tweaking out and thinking I would have to check myself in to the hospital, symptoms slowly subsided and I felt a little bit better. The shitty thing about doing things like that is that the recovery time is so long and usually so boring. Lot's of diarrhea, starving myself, regretting my actions, being mopey.

I haven't smoked since then at all, but something else shitty that just happened recently was that my vaporizer broke and started burning its' contents. I noticed when my stomach got shittier and my smoke alarm went off. So I gave up on that and haven't been able to find the right one. I mean of course there is always one that comes to mind ....

Yes. The highly esteemed volcano vaporizer. Known to end more college-careers than a military draft. It's believed to be the most efficient vaporizer by tenfold. Unfortunately it costs like 550, and if you want a digital one it's fucking 650...and I haven't really been committed enough to the idea to actually buy one...maybe one day soon though. For now I have a batch of killer brownies that will fuck your day up in 3 bites. I plan to have these snacks lasting me well into october...maybe by then i'll feel better about dropping serious bills for one of those guys^.

Okay that's enough of that talk, there are bigger melons we must squash. Here's where my life has been at since I got home from tour (August 9th).

I was out on tour with tbotw for about two and a half weeks. As usual, tour was a fucking blast and great times were had yadda yadda. But I did have some hesitations about how my gut would hold up with the 2 and a half weeks living out of a van and mostly eating fast food. I was smart enough to watch what I eat for most of tour, I'd say about 35 percent of my diet consisted of bananas. Most gas stations will sell you a good banana for under a buck, and for a guy who is accustomed to bouts of black acid shit-water, bananas are a great way to slow down your digestion process and help make your stool more solid.

I'd say for the first 12 days of tour my stomach was in good condition, towards the last few days my shit starting to come out a little more narrowed which lets me know that there is some swelling going on. I was still going to the bathroom though, and just figured I could watch what I eat and be fine. Another thing I was doing was drinking a bunch of water every day, like a lot. That's obvious good advice for any person with Crohn's since it keeps shit moving. It still weirds me out how if sometimes I chug water I can count to 10 and I will already feel pressure and start passing gas. It's like one of those weird lightening/thunder cause and effect things. Science.

So despite the narrowing of my intestines, I was still feeling fine. Until the last day when I woke up in the middle of our drive home with an awful fever, throbbing headache, and some extreme nausea. The shitty part about this was that we were still about, 8 hours away from New Jersey. I'm still not sure if I caught an infection or if the fever was crohn's induced, or just a combination of the two. I do know that from all the wear and tear of driving around, I was fucking tired and therefore probably more susceptible to getting sick. Also, that same day I wolfed down two tuna rolls out of a supermarket kitchen, drowning them in a pool soy sauce and wasabi. That was probably one of my worse ideas I've had in a while. Live and learn, that was the day I swore off sushi for good. I'll stick with white rice and egg drop soup for now, even though I'm sure the white rice in mass amounts isn't great either.

This fever I had lasted about 4 weeks, but only really in my bowels. The headache's and nausea went away after a couple of days of rest at home, but I still had diarrhea for pretty much the rest of August. The weird part was if I sipped a lot of water I would have to go urgently, but only black diarrhea water, as if all of my waste was getting squeezed through a tight tunnel.

Whatever was happening to me, I was afraid and miserable. I didn't really talk to anyone for a few days, and just watched some Spongebob and iCarly to pass the time. I was trying to give my body all the rest it could use to help recover, but wasn't finding any luck. Eventually my apathy turned into anxiety and I really wanted to get better. I shoot my GI doctor an email and he asks that we go through with a cat scan. I was worried that my stomach would look like a mess on a Cat Scan test, but I agree and spend the next week breaking a sweat over this test.

I knew at times what I had going on was bad because for a while I would frequently burp up ANYTHING I swallowed. Whether it was tea burps or jello burps, whatever I was putting down was having a hard time getting broken up and through my intestines. I consult my regular doctor about it and he writes me a prescription for some antibiotics I already had lying around... and already considered taking to help fight off infection. As a last ditch effort to get better in some quick-fix scheme, I tried to fast on go on an all juice diet...Or come as close to one as I could. I did cheat both days and ate a piece of fruit and some jello, but I was trying to just give my bowels a break and have any swelling go down. A combination of this and some homeopathic stuff (arnica montana, and some graphites to help scar tissue), actually did help, but I couldn't tell because most of the days before my cat scan I wasn't eating much at all.

I've had a few Catscans before so they're pretty much a cakewalk, I mean look how quick I downed this bottle of Barium. I had to do that shit twice, nbd.

Taking the cat scan wasn't bad, they pump you with iodine and give you some radiation. The fun part about iodine is that it makes your grundle tickle, I'm not even joking.

After I take my test I call to schedule a doctor appointment with my regular doctor because I wanted him to check out this problem I noticed in the bath. Part of me thought I was just turning into a hypochondriac, but another part of me thought something was up with my right nut. I wasn't sure if I had a tumor or just one of these conditions I read about called a hydrocele, where the tissue on you actual nut bubbles up and fills with fluid. I figured visiting my doctor would be a good way to see what's going on with my stomach and get the scoop on my sack.

The next day I went to my doctor to check it out and hehad great news, my stomach looked fine on the Catscan. Even I knew that I hadn't been feeling 100 percent recently, this was a relief to me still. My doctor also told me that I do indeed have a hydrocele, possibly as a post surgery complication with the way my body healed or some shit. I think it's related to a hernia that I have but that no one seems to acknowledge or admit exists. Only time will tell mwaha.

Anyway, my doctor looks at me and is like "It's such a quick fix, with what you've been through it'll be a walk in the park". Thinking he was referring to some meds to knock out whatever fluid is building up in my testicle, I wait for him to write me up a prescription. Instead he tells me "I'm gonna bring you to this guy, he's great", and he hands me a phone number of another doctor.

Then he tags on : "Recovery time is quick, you'll be out of there in a few days".

"What? No...You mean....Ughhh fu-......shit."

That's right, surgery. On my fucking testicle.

This of course implies, cutting open my scrotum with a knife...then stitching it back up after like some Frankenstein nutsack.

I think this is honestly every man's nightmare besides for the few fucked up people you see on the internet. What I don't get is how the guy who spent his whole adolescent years emptying out his testes now faces this problem.

If you wanna see the glorious procedure click here. (If you ARE getting this procedure done I really wouldn't watch this, I definitely regret it). Now of course my scrotum isn't as big as that guys, some people just wait longer to get the procedure done. Some people live with hydroceles and tolerate them until they are fucking humongous. I kinda more of a guy that would prefer not to have his one nut 4 times bigger than the other one. Luckily we got to capture a picture of my balls:

Not to scale completely, but it's getting there! The shitty thing is that I called to schedule with the recommended urologist and he wasn't free until early october, so I scheduled with his associate, but his earliest date was 9/16. That means I have 9 more days AT LEAST, probably more like 12 since I'm only going for a consultation on the 16th. He needs to be like "yes, that nut is fucking way too big" before he can actually cut me open I guess. I may try and find another doctor off the internet and try and schedule this surgery sooner. I got places to be in october, my sister is getting married and shit, so the sooner we start this ballbloodbath the better.

I'm not as nervous for this procedure as I am aroused...I mean, the thought of having someone's hands inside my insides makes me feel like a excited 14 year old girl. Just kidding, I'm not really looking forward to getting my nut cut open, but I'm looking forward to not having to deal with this situation anymore. Luckily I'm in no pain, just a little discomfort, and a whole lot of getting creeped out. I feel like I'm carrying a dinosaur egg in my sack. Any moment it may just hatch.

Last night I showed my friends, the initial reaction was mostly in the vein of "holy shit". By now my right is probably 4 times bigger than my left, if not a little more. For the past few days, if you catch me from the right angle, I'd have a bulge in my pants. I had to give the heads up the my buddies a few time "yo...you see that bulge? yeah...that's not my dick."

I'll write updates as they happen...as for now I'm stuck with this mutant testicle, but I guess it beats having shitty Crohn's symptoms.

Colonoscopy tomorrow

Liquid diet all day today and laxatives...should make for an interesting memorial day BBQ. Going to the supermarket now to pick up a tub of ice cream to bring and eat. Hopefully I won't shit my pants, I'm pretty sure that's not proper bbq etiquette.

The gods of irony have decided to bust their chunky loads of misfortune all over my life. Turns out I could possibly have a hernia underneath where my ostomy used to be that could be affecting my stomach. I noticed that somehow my flare ups got worse after running recently. Also, I had a lot of gas and a lot of pressure would build up in my stomach. A lot of the time I would try and run to break up food for what I thought was a flare but in actuality was a clusterfuck of intestines inside my body that only became more fucked up from running.

I always thought this area was scar tissue because it would always harden up back when I used to smoke all the time, but eventually go back to normal after a few days. I did suspect a hernia at one point in time too, early back after my surgery. I'm pretty sure I wrote about it last year. My surgeon reassured me it wasn't though, and he still could have been right. Maybe I had a super tiny hernia and all of this hardcore exercising made it worse? Or maybe I have scar tissue AND a hernia?!?! Who knows?!? Tune in tomorrow and find out.

I'd like to think every grey cloud has it's little silver lining or something like that. That being said I hope I'm not grimy for looking forward to getting knocked the-fuck-out from some anesthesia tomorrow morning.

r.i.pizza

Dear pizza, this is hard to say trust me...but I think we've reached a point in our relationship where I must say goodbye, at least for a little while. As much as I fucking love you, every time I put you inside me you tear me up on the inside. I'm tired of having to sit on the toilet spewing your cheese out of me. You are always so soft and it always makes me so hard.

I'm not sure if it's gay if it's with a pizza is it? I think it's just really fucking weird hahaha.

For real though I'm not going eat pizza for a while, at least until I get out of this flare up. It's pretty shitty. I'm on the toilet right now spewing out some chunked battery acid, with some red chunks in it...not really sure if that's tomato sauce or blood! Either way it does not look appetizing. Something else I've noticed is that all of the shit comes out in tiny pieces and nothing really big. I probably can't squeeze that many big pieces through my tubes.

It's actually been on and off...some days have been better than others. I really have to avoid every kind of shitty food/dairy. This includes pizza, and any soda or anything. I'm still not eating meat so it's hard to kinda eat food that won't be ruffage or gassy veggies...but I've been getting by with some plain pasta and healthy yogurts, and the occasional banana. I think I just decided I'm not eating pizza until my birthday...we'll see how long that lasts.

Since the flare up has begun my bowel movements have become more frequent and of less volume. Which most likely means my intestines are all swollen and they can't squeeze as much through at a time. My original reaction was very very angry. But eventually I turned my anger into attentiveness to what my body was doing with certain foods.

Whilst in the flare-age the most important thing is to watch your grindage (thanks Pauly Shore for that rhyme). When I see certain foods, I like to imagine what they would look like going through my shitty rotted raw-flesh looking intestines. This usually helps in the determining whether or not I will eat it. I'm getting accustomed to some white rice daily, that hasn't seemed to bother me that much...but then again there's probably at least 300 different websites telling you that carbs are the enemy for victims of Crohn's. I ain't no fuckin scientist, but if a food doesn't make have to shit my pants, I would prefer to eat it.

A lot of Crohn's symptoms can in fact be derived from stress, according to a lot of things I've read. But for a 19 year old semi-daily-stoner I'd like to think I'm really not that stressed out. I am really busy some days during most of the week though, between working, school, and music related things it's hard to kinda balance everything. I've also started yogging for at least once every day. We usually do anywhere from like one to four miles a day, which is pretty killer on all of us since we're fucking out of shape hahaha. But thinking about it I have been feeling better and more energized recently. Running still does help break up some gas too which is always a good thing.

Yesterday morning I ran out of my 6MP medication. Me and my doctor planned it like this so that by the time it was up I would have already seen him for my colonoscopy and he would've filled another prescription. The thing is...I haven't called him to schedule the colonoscopy, which he was trying to do mid-april. He can only do mondays because that's when the anesthesiologist is there..."i don't think you'd want to another day instead!" what a jokester.

There's two reasons I really haven't called my doctor to reschedule. One reason is I have a 12:30-2:00 pm English class on Mondays and I already missed a bunch of classes and handed in a bunch of shit late so I'm trying to get on my teachers good side before the semester ends. I try to milk the whole "inflammatory bowel disease" thing to get out of some absences, and she actually sympathizes with me and it works! Yay for catching a break!

The other reason I haven't wanted to schedule my colonoscopy was that I wasn't really trying to go whilst in a flare-up, because he's going to see it and probably not be too excited about it. Obviously I am not either but I just want to see if I can get out of this by myself. So far I've been feeling better so I should be okay. My farts stopped smelling as deathly rancid as they do when I was in the peak of this flare. I'm going to call my doctor tomorrow early and tell him I was planning on scheduling when school ended because I need to try and stay on top of my grades.

I fucking hate talking about college and plans with adults. Especially when I have no ambitions to really go to a four year school and get some crazy degree right now in my life. After I get my associate's I'll see where I'm at, but right now school is kinda slowing down everything else in my life I'd rather be doing. I already regret signing up for summer classes but I think I'll be able to hang, it should be a little easier then school work now.

Still really the hardest thing with Crohn's is to never ever ever cheat when you're in a flare up. It's like you're fucking tip-toeing on that topsy turvy thing from mario party. Any one thing could fuck you up and potentially set you back a little bit, so it's very frustrating. The key is to never really allow yourself to cheat, I've been getting better at the whole self discipline thing, but it's still pretty difficult. I can make the usual excuses for myself, but at the end of the day no matter what I try to blame it on, it's still me sitting on the toilet dumping buckets of shit.

Fun fact of the day!

Diarrhea burns.

Shit Stick Smear

So I told my doctor there was recently some redness in my stool, which I'm pretty sure was just vegetables because I've been eating a good amount of red ones. But better safe than being one with bloody feces, that's where the Henry Schein One Step Slide Test for Fecal Occult Blood comes in! Great quality and reliable product, the packaging consists of these three things.

1. Directions

2. A swiping card

3. 3 wooden sticks.

If you can't figure out how it works, all you really do is shit on a piece of toilet paper in your toilet bowl, get a shit-stick sample, and then just wipe it on the card in one of the three specified ovals. Should be fun, I'll post the results if there are any...and by that I mean the doctor's results, not just pictures of my shit smeared on an index card hahaha.

I've opted to NOT take my swine flu shot just because of this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URHhyP4lmQ4&feature=related. Well I mean more for other reasons but this video is really sad and def did not help convince me I needed another flu shot. Although I have a "weakaned" immune system, I don't even really think I do my doctors said my medicine doesn't really affect my white blood cells too much.

Besides that I've just been chillin' and feeling pretty healthy, the occasional cramp every now and then but it's not really that serious, and diarrhea is pretty on and off so whatever. Still getting my monthly bloodwork, whatever it takes like ten seconds and sometimes a cute blonde takes it from me and I talk to her about things. I've even had the occasional sip (or two) of alcohol with really no side-effects besides turning into a belligerent fuck.

I still never put that video up, I will get to it soon and do it for real! Maybe I will start editing it now, I just have SO much footage. You'll see haha.

Happy Thanksgiving btw! Tofurkey!

Hollow Weiner

I was an aerobics instructor, which is a little ironic because I was having a pretty hard time starting to exercise hahaha. I've gotten a little better at it now though, once you get into the swing of things it just becomes routine.

I had stomach cramps a few weeks ago but it was pretty much due to my seatbelt breaking after I bottomed out and somehow made the tension on it way too tight. It already went away even though fucking Honda lied to me and said they would call me tuesday once they got the part in. It is now Sunday and they still haven't fucking called me.

The first thing you think when you shit your pants is never really "Oh man I really have to go get my camera now and take a picture this looks sick". I used to have that mindset when I was in the hospital all the time and had the camera right next to my bed, but now that I'm out, I had to make a judgement call if waddling to my bedroom with my shitty underwear around my ankles was worth it. Unfortunately I made the better call and just took care of the situation, even though I looked at it after and saw like egg chunks in my underwear it was sick.

This "first instinct" rule also applies to when you go to wipe your ass and check to see what shade of brown your shit is that day, and you see a completely undigested blueberry on the toilet paper from the blueberry bagel you ate earlier that day. You don't really think "OH MAN PHOTO OP" you're kinda just like "aw man, thats fucking sick". It didn't really taste like a blueberry the second time around either, idk it still def looked like one though.

Kinda reminds me of when I used to eat clams with my ostomy bag and then I would just spew out chewed shit-soaked-soggy clams from my stoma. I def wish I could have filmed that when it happened, which was whenever I ate clams haha. Sometimes I would have to like kinda pull them out with toilet paper it was gross. I also remember eating buffalo wings and them giving me spewing volcano stream poop squirts, that was also pretty sick.

I shaved my beard, which automatically makes everything I say/do less creepy and more young and innocent, look :

Marley thinks he's a fucking cat just in case you never met him.

I have a very attractive sexy-appealing video in the works I'll try and post it by the end of this week!

cocktober

It's really fucking cold out it sucks a lot. I'm not even chalking up the being cold to iron deficiency, it is just fucking cold out plain and simple haha. A big factor may be that I'm still wearing only zip up hoodies and will probably continue to do so until like december. Maybe not if it continues to be this bad though.

I saw my GI doctor a few weeks ago and he said I'm doing wonderful. Obviously I guess, I really don't like giving that guy too much credit. All he did was put me on medicine AFTER all of the disease was cut out. So if I feel good now I really don't think the 50mg of 6MP is keeping me in remission especially since everything was just cut out. I probably say this every time I talk about my doctor but it still remains to be true. I mentioned to him how in like a year or two I would like to no longer be on 6MP and he called it "a gamble" if I'm willing to do it. He wants to go back in for a colonoscopy in like 6 months to check everything out. I feel like whether it looks good or bad he's going to want to keep me on the drug. If it's good he'll be like "blah blah I'm doctor the medicine is working!" If it looks a little rough he'll be like "We must up the dosage!" Fuck man.

I really haven't had much cramping, and the few stomach cramps I did have were either poop cramps or marijuana withdrawals. My scar tissue started getting hard again after smoking so I asked my regular doctor just to confirm it and he said I definitely shouldn't be smoking because it's never good for scar tissue. So instead of biting the bullet and being a bigger person or whatever, I'd like to introduce...

A fucking vaporizer! Sick, what a nice, expensive, incriminating piece of marijuana related paraphernalia for me to keep in my room! Even better, to post on the internet! Sick dicks. I just took that picture, the preheating light is on, but it should be done by now brb.

~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~

Word. And for the record that little doodly above only took like five seconds to do, I play drums remember?

So anyway I stopped smoking before for like 2 weeks because I can exhibit at least some self control. I mean besides like once or twice, but thats a big difference from the 1-3 times a day tip I was on. And I noticed that when I stopped the the tightness over there eased up, as well as the deadly farting. One of those two times I smoked I shit my pants...or sharted in the car, I guess it really wasn't that serious. But it was definitely fucking there hahaha. I just pulled my underwear down a little and pulled my pants up for the ride home. Ew ew ew.

Someone told me to watch out for mercury poisoning. Fuck you haha. But here are the symptoms of mercury poisoning so I can be on the lookout for getting fucking mercury poisoned.

Symptoms of Mercury Poisoning

By the Environmental Protection Agency

• Impairment of the peripheral vision
• Disturbances in sensations ("pins and needles" feelings, numbness) usually in the hands feet and sometimes around the mouth
• Lack of coordination of movements, such as writing
• Impairment of speech, hearing, walking;
• Muscle weakness
• Skin rashes
• Mood swing
• Memory loss
• Mental disturbance

Hahaha what the fuck most people of most of those symptoms at least two of them anyway. I seriously think I have at least 9 but I've always had them. I just am not the strongest person, who played video games his whole childhood and didn't develop any coordination skills and moves awkwardly, who has allergies and skin rashes, and has developed a great short-term memory. PLUS I AM FUCKING GOTHIC AND MENTALLY DISTURBED \M/ \M/

No but seriously for a few months my youtube "recommended" videos were videos of puppies and dogs, and mall-metal music videos.

I am in school still and am doing okay mom. Semi-okay at least haha, but I wi

ll probably just turn it arou

nd at the end...that's what I usually do every year. I'm all about putting things off to the last minute ju

st in case you haven't noticed by how frequent these posts are. But usually somehow I tend to do things more when I am smoking, or "vaporizing". I

'll make myself do something constructive, usually the dishes or clean, but sometimes it's as simple as eating one Activia Yogurt (Mmm!) I totally just took this picture off of someone else's blog by the way, but really I just googled "activia" or "YO

GURT TITS" and this came up. Today I'll probably just eat a yogurt, it's way too cold in my room to do

anything else if that ma

kes sense. Even though I think we are playing music in an hour but playing if anything will heat me up. Hawt drummerz tayke ther shirts off. Hairy drummers leave theirs on. I just accidentally underlined the top and I have no idea how it happened, I guess I will keep it for emphasis.

Diarrhea is turning more into poop now that I'm not all swollen on my scar tissue. Certainly a go

od thing! I read a line that smoking clogs your arteries and puts all plaque in there so that scared me enough to make me stop. Vaporizing is not smoking btw, it's science bro.

Next Thursday I am playing in a basement in New Brunswick and next Friday I am playing in a basement in New Brunswick. If I don't die from asbestos poisoning then I will write something else soon.

Life Lessons

You know, there's a lot I learned from the past two years of my experience with Crohn's disease.  Lot's of life lessons and how to be strong and all those nice things.  Honestly though, there is one thing that I am really proud of myself for learning and I will hold it close to me for the rest of my life.

D-I-A-R-R-H-E-A

I fucking never knew how to spell that word...I don't even hesitate anymore!  haha.

Speaking of diarrhea it is happening as we speak, well as I type actually.   The probability of it happening whenever I go to shit is probably around 80 percent.  On a lighter note, my farts have definitely simmered down a lot, I'm pretty glad, I think a lot of it is from takin dem dere probiotics.  

In my economics class somehow my teacher was talking about health insurance and how his wife had to get a Colonoscoy just because she's at that age.  He said "you know when you get older you gotta get these things called colonoscopies, kinda gross I know".  I usually have a hard time paying attention of classes due to a lack of interest and a love for doodling, but when he said that my ears perked up like an excited puppy.  I wanted to be like "ooh!  ooh!  I had two of those!"  But I caught myself before I said it, because really who the fuck wants to hear that from a stranger?  I mean of course besides you, the reader, if I don't know you haha.  But anyway I was pretty much bursting from the seams just to tell my teacher that I got a lil pipe stuck up my butt.  He also mentioned his wife used to be a GI nurse which I thought was pretty cool, but I mean I can't really go up to him and be like "oh sweet!  I have Crohn's blah blah".  I mean I guess I could but I hate like saying that I feel like I'm tellin the sob story or something, even though it kinda would've been appropriate at the time.  I think I just over-think haha.  Anyway, he ended up actually telling this story again at the next class.  I think because he teaches multiple economics classes, and also hes a little old haha.  Nice guy though, it's a shame I love doodling so much.

As far as the getting in shape thing goes, I'm doing it.  Maybe not as much as I said I would, but I have been doing some crunches during the week every other day or maybe every three days haha.  We'll see, I'll post pictures once there's something actually worth posting.  

gettin' fit.

I'm actually at the point where i could almost lose a few pounds!  it's exciting to be overweight again, especially when my weight has been all over the place within the past few months, and it's usually been pretty low.  I wouldn't even say I'm overweight actually, it's more like I'm just not in shape at all haha.

I went to visit my surgeon again last week and it was my last post-op visit...so hopefully I won't ever see him ever again haha.  When I was laying down he pressed down on my belly and asked me to do a sit-up to check for any big bulges in my stomach, and he was not happy at all at the fact that I could barely fucking do one haha.  He suggested that I start doing something to get in shape and that I start pushing myself a little bit more, I do sometimes get a little tired every now and then but that is just from being too lazy I think.  He also said I should continue to follow up with my gastro doctor in NY, who I have still yet to even see since after the surgery haha.  I will probably call this week to schedule something, I'm just a big procrastinator.

I still go to the bathroom pretty frequently and it's usually more like diarrhea still.  Apparently It's better to hold it in so it can become solid but it's really uncomfortable to hold an urgent shit in so I usually just go sit on the toilet.  I'm still going like 3-5 times a day so it's really not that bad.  

School started last Tuesday, and I still haven't bought any textbooks...I should probably get on that I guess.  My schedule is pretty easy and not to stressful so it's not that much of a bummer to go.  Most days I have one class, and it's usually early so I still get my whole day and I can even go home after and take a nap if I need to.  I do have a saturday class which kinda is shitty but whatever.

So anyway, I'm trying to get in shape.  Well technically I'm not trying yet since I haven't really done anything haha, but since I am posting it on here now I will probably start.  Holy shit my mom just took this picture and I look like a pregnant man.  This is me standing up straight not really pushing out but I did take a little breath.  

And of course I had to take a sexy-gut mirror pic

Not so bad I guess...but really not so great either.  Let's see if I can actually commit to getting in shape, I'm thinking like 100+ crunches a day, maybe some running, pushups, and some other things.

Also, here is a picture from a few months ago that I always wanted to put up but then I got sick too quickly and kinda had to skip some posts since some other things took blog priority.

One of the most adorable, yet disgusting pictures I think I have on my computer.  Marley just loves to sniff things!  Especially things that reek I guess, and no I did not let him lick the bag or eat my shit, that would not be nice.  I had another picture where all the shit in my bag was green but I think I accidentally deleted it, bummer.  Shit wait nevermind I found one just checked: 

If I ever have an ostomy bag again, which hopefully I won't but if I do, I am going to dedicate one entire day to drinking like 3 bottles of a certain color of gatorade, then at the end of a day I'll take a picture.  I can def put all the pictures together and get a shitbag rainbow going.

allergies.

Maybe it's just that time of year...but I haven't had allergies this bad in a while.  

The other day my lip was pretty swollen too it looked very silly.  I didn't really think to take a pic because I didn't think it was allergies I just thought those Doritos I ate were too spicy...late night Tacos?  Whatever they're called.  

I had work today but since I got home I've just been in bed or in the bathroom...besides my run to the pharmacy...I got some allergy medicine since the over the counter zyrtec wasn't helping, a box of "Slow-FE" (it's a slow iron releasing pill if you didn't get that), and I got a chewable probiotic pill too that I'm hoping that will somehow reduce my gas haha.  My farts are still pretty nasty, not sure if they are getting better really but they are still funny so it's all good for now.  I was at the doc's today and my iron is the only thing that's a little out of wack so that's not that big of a deal I'm stoked.

I got drunk a few days ago, like very drunk, it actually happened twice haha.  What's important is that it didn't bother my stomach at all either time.  The only thing was once I woke up and stood up I had to take a very urgent shit since it was all probably pushing out.  I'm not making a habit of drinking because 1) that would make me an ALCOHOLIC, 2) that would just be unhealthy for everything else and probably not even that fun.  I'm still on my "get drunk at most 4 times a year" policy that I put in place two years ago.  Maybe I'll make it 5 or even 6 for this year hahaha.  I mean, the last two years I probably only got drunk 2 or 3 times so I do have some rollover drunks...now I'm just making up rules that accommodate what I'm trying to do though hahaha.

"holy fucking shit"

That's probably what most people think when they smell my farts.  That's usually what I think when they come out of me because they are fucking awful.  Like deathly awful clear the room for 5 whole minutes.  I wish there was some way I could upload the fucking smell on here but it would probably fry people's computers and shit.  

Usually I get serious farts when food isn't coming out of me right away...it's like it's just sitting there and slowly being digested/decomposed into atomic shitty gas bombs.  It's all about drinking liquids and flushin stuff out.  I chugged like 40oz of water after a meal and it gave me pretty instant water diarrhea.  Not to say it like pushed that food I just ate out that wouldn't make sense, but it certainly cleaned things up in my pipes.  I should just drink a fucking bunch of water all the time, or fruit juice or something.  I guess the goal is to shit a lot, but I thought that wasn't the goal a few weeks ago?  I remember my doctor being glad that I was constipated after the surgery because it's obviously better than shitting all the time.  But not pooping a lot results in the worst kind of farts I think I've ever brewed up in my colon.  

Most of those deadly farts feel like a highly pressured bomb until they come out.  Also when they come out it's really forcefully like it was stuck and built up and not all of it came out.  Even when I poop sometimes it comes out a little narrow like there's still some scar tissue causing some problems.  Of course if this is my biggest problem I guess I can't really be too upset.  And I'm not really that much, but if you caught a sniff of one of these things you would definitely think something is wrong.

I just kind of realized I might of taken two 6-mp today by accident and I am kinda freaking out.  Mostly (safety i just farted wow) because I am a little high right now, that's usually when I get in hypochondriac mode.  You know the typical heightened anxiousness and proneness to anxiety attacks?  It's in a book I'm sure.  But anyway, I was freaking out for a second even though it could barely throw me out of a wack especially if I only take two for one day.  But then I realized, my pill-pusher of a doctor (but that statistics are so true, it works!  just look at all these fucking cool graphs and percentages) was trying to put me on 100mg anyways eventually haha.  I only take 50 now, so I mean 100 is still a reasonable dose, and apparently an apt one too for good ol' Crohnsy me!  I still haven't called him after the surgery to schedule a follow up I probably should.  I don't know if he's really trying to raise the dosage now, I mean apparently I'm doing great or something.

So when I was at the doctor's last week the guy who gave me my B-12 shot said "oh man that was weird going through you, it felt like cutting steak!" hahaha.  Sometimes I think of the scene where I am asleep and my fucking guts are out on the table and the surgeon was cutting my intestines like they were some fine Italian delicacy.  Trust me there is some fucking crazy Italian delicacies that probably would even top that anyway though haha.  But seriously, someone just like ripping a surgical knife through my abdomen and then my insides is a fucking crazy thing to think about.  I like to look at my scar and imagine all that sometimes, it's like a crazy scene to imagine.  Some guy singin' his jovial hi ho' dum dee dum dum anthem at work fucking dicing me up.  Fucking SCIENCE bro.  My life is in that guys hand, or any of the people around him.

Some things I remember before my surgery and being put out:

1.  Me saying lightly "good luck" kinda laughing to my surgeon and his assistant saying "don't worry, we'll be fine, you don't have to wish us luck!"  and then my surgeon laughing and saying "No we'll take it!  It can't hurt"  This made me laugh and put me in a good mood.  

2.  Two guys trying to scrub all adhesive glue and gunk from a sticker/wafer/shit being on my skin for like five months.  

3.  Being shaved.

4.  My arms extended all the way out on both sides and I'm wearing one of those silly shower/surgery cap things.

5.  Being naked but then them covering up my genitals and feeling way better about that because I'm pretty sure it was fucking freezing.

6.  Being extremely glad this surgery was under way more relaxing circumstances.  I remember I was in so much pain before the emergency one that they had to help me from the hospital bed onto the big surgery bed and that it was so painful.  It was way easier to do without the ripped bowels this time.  

Crazy stuff.  Anyway, I've been eating so much fish that I actually checked which ones are high in mercury because I actually got a little worried haha.  I feel pretty good I've just been relaxing this weekend and enjoying what's left of my summer.  Even though I am extending my Summer mentality essentially until next June, where Summer will resume again.  Pending on if that all goes well I will probably do it for the rest of my life. 

munchmunchmunchiez bro

What's the best way to gain 10 pounds in 2 weeks, despite normally having no appetite?  Does anyone know?

I do!  

So now I'm 145, maybe 5 more pounds and I'm good.  Even though I'm a little tall I'm kinda slender and not that wide so any extra weight goes to my gut.  

Yesterday I got a B12 shot and got a bunch of bloodwork done, I'm pretty curious to see if I'm very malnourished still, I've been eating a lot and I feel a lot more energized, and I'm sure the B12 will help.  My doctor yesterday said I'm the man because people break his balls about bullshit all the time and I am the man and just like pretty calm about it.  He said to me "You get life."  

Eventually I would like to not be on 6-MP anymore I am going to talk to my Doctor in NY about it soon.  Of course he's gonna put a bunch of statistics in my face about how much more likely I will get back in a flare up and have acting up Crohn's...but something about taking immunosuppresants for life makes me feel a little uneasy.  My white blood count is still fine, he might even want to UP the dosage to 100mg but I'm really not down for that at all.  Of course it's all about weighing out the good and bad things, and it's hard to think about how bad having Crohn's symptoms are when you aren't really having any at all.

My bowel movements are about like 2-5 a day at this point.  I pretty much always wake up having to go which is a good thing I think!  The days where it's only like 2 times a day I usually panic, but then I realize that most normal people only really go once or twice so there's nothing really wrong with that at all!  Being normal scares me I guess because I'm so used to things being out of wack.

Life is good.

FUCK YOU HOROSCOPE

Not like I really take these things for 100% serious but what the fuck?

"Health
They are chiefly inclined towards gastric troubles, and they must be extremely careful in regard to shellfish and such things. Inflammatory diseases, such as rheumatism, are also likely to attack them, and trouble with the legs and feet.."

FUCK YOU FATE.  or science. either one

home

I'm home from my weekend of eating pop-tarts and junk food and sleeping in the back of a car!  It went alright health wise, except for our show on Sunday.  That afternoon I remember eating like 4 pop-tarts and eating at least ten handfuls of cheese goldfish crackers.  The two things the doctors always stressed after this reversal surgery were to always chew your food very very well, and to eat small portioned meals, about like six a day.  The chewing thing is actually way difficult to do, it's hard to make food get to the point of liquid mush without swallowing it, especially if you're used to swallowing it only after a few bites.  Unfortunately I still haven't mastered the chewing many times thing without swallowing...BUT I have mastered the "regurgitate your food like a fucking bird and chew it a few more times" method.  It feels very gross, but I'm sure it helps me digest a little more.  Another tip the doctor's always tell you to keep things moving in your bowels is to drink lots of fluids to keep things moving, even if it makes you pee a bunch it's better than not pooping.  

So obviously the gorging myself with shitty junk food thing was not a good idea.  Especially since I barely drank anything afterwards.  The one thing I did drink a few hours later moments before our set on Sunday was a tiny can of Red Bull.  I usually drink one because they help me not get extremely fatigued during our set.  They aren't your greatest thing for your stomach though, and they are lightly carbonated.  Needless to say, after our set I fucking puked outside:

A combination of the food and the drink and the extreme heat and physical exhaustion probably caused this to happen.  Of course I panicked and though I was blocked or something especially because I felt some gurgling in my stomach.  I just drank shit-ton of water though and to my relief I began farting a bunch.  These farts were fucking RANCID.  Like so so so bad.  I had them for about 12 hours before I any poop came out, and they were very frequent...they also smelled like fermented shit and garbage, like they were sitting there forever and couldn't get out.  Once we got back in NJ and I got to sit on my good ol' toilet I took a serious dump.  Even when I've taken bigger shits they've been really soft, which I guess is cool I could really care what my shit is like.  It's def easier on my butthole compared to like harder things coming out of my ass, or INTO my ass zing zing zing.  My dad's older friend who has Crohn's told my dad that after a bowel resection and ostomy reversal your shit will pretty much come out like soft serve ice cream, whatever I'm down.  

Speaking of ice cream, I should really start eating some.  I'm somehow down to fucking weighing 135 pounds again.  I am six feet tall, this is definitely a problem.   As much as I like being a little thinner I think that's a little too serious.  I don't even wanna know what my fucking blood count looks like, I'm sure I'm pretty malnourished or something is wrong.  I've been eating pretty right but for me to be losing a few pounds is probably bad news.  This is me being an idiot vegetarian who is just like "omg no meat" but doesn't even bother to fucking configure a healthy diet.  There is definitely some irony in a moralist vegetarian who chooses not to eat meat but can't even take care of their own human bodies...at least I think it's ironic.  I actually started drinking those ensure vitamin shakes, I'm trying to have one at least once a day.  I had a bunch in my fridge and for some reason I haven't been drinking them which isn't a great idea.

My bowel movements have been anywhere from 2-6 a day.  If they are less frequent they are more solid and 6 bowel movements usually means that sometimes I just sat on the toilet and shot out some diarrhea.  I haven't really felt any cramping in my stomach which is a good feeling.  

I haven't smoked weed in like two weeks...maybe that's why I lost weight haha.  Need to get back on that munchies schedule, I mean I can surely do it without pot and probably well, I haven't really had the urge to smoke in a while...but probably in a few days or something, we'll see.  I've been kinda afraid of smoke agitating my scar tissue or something but I'll have to try again eventually just to know...or I could always get one of those sick vaporizer things!

Once I actually DO gain some weight, I'm planning on started to run and maybe do some exercising.  I'd like to feel as healthy and energized as possible.  I haven't been that sluggish but after working for a few hours I usually come home and take a nap. This is totally fine with me but I know I am out of shape and haven't been in shape for at least a few years so I might as well start now!

great news:

I don't have a hernia! Cool because I spent like two hours on Tuesday freaking out that I had one. Sometimes trying to look up your symptoms on the internet isn't always the greatest thing to do. I mean unless I have one still and the doctor fucked up but I don't really think that happened. I'm still a little swollen it looks pretty sick, here are two pictures, the second one looks like a leg and the swelling is the knee-cap.

I got reminded how awesome Crohn's pain feels, at least I think it was Crohn's pain. I mean they said there was no Crohn's so maybe it was just a stomach ache? If there was no disease during the surgery I don't know if it could even come back that quickly. So maybe it would just stomach cramping and me not chewing me food or eating bullshit. Even though I'm not eating meat there is a lot of non-meat bullshit you can eat! Kinda didn't realize and have been drinking a shit-ton of lemon snapples and candy bars.

On tuesday I got some sick gluten-free chocolate and vanilla oreos, they are pretty great and I'll probably bring them with me this weekend because I'm driving down to Georgia for Sat to play a show and doing a show in NC on the way down and back. I was thinking of making a weed brownie to hold me over in the car but I'm a little afraid I will fucking freak out in the car and have a bad bad bad trip.

SPEAKING OF bad trip...the other day my friends made special brownies and left one for me in the fridge, but I was out all day and not even planning on eating it for a few days at least, i'm a little partied out and taking a break from all that stuff for a while haha. BUT, I got a call that night from my sister, who apparently snacked on the brownie along with my new sis-in-law, not knowing it was special. Needless to say she was a wreck all night. She even wrote a message to herself on her arm to talk herself out of freaking out:

So update...I'm in North Carolina right now, it's Friday today we have our first show for the 3 day weekend. So far I've eaten a few meals and not really any cramping, even though I was really afraid. It's hard not to eat bullshit too when all you're making is fast food stops but so far I've had half of a Taco Bell seven layer burrito and some nachos with cheese, McDonalds pancakes and a hash brown, and some pasta and salad from a Cici's pizza.

I've been trying to stay well rested too because I know that's an important part of feeling good along with drinking a lot of fluids and that has also been going well. I've been taking naps anywhere possibly including on a couch in this cafe and on a park bench outside this morning as well as sleeping in the car during part of the 12 hour journey down here.

I'm really surprised I have never shitten (is that a word?) my pants since my reversal surgery, I've had some close calls but I'm really holding it down strong. The past few days I have been ripping fucking ridiculous amounts of nasty smelling farts though but I guess that's better than being bloated and not ripping any farts. Also, I videotaped myself taking a diarrhea today to show the fellow band mates after asking them if they wanted to see a performance of our show last week hahaha, I mean they totally knew it was of me taking a crazy shit but they still watched it.

I went to my doctor's last week and he said I was doing really great, very impressed. It was also my regular doctor who gave me the advice to do what I feel comfortable doing and not to push my body so I feel better about leaving to play drums for this weekend. He said I have to start weighing every week to keep track of that and start recording how many times I go to the bathroom. I don't think he meant record with a camera but whatever!

I've been taking B12 supplements along with the 6mp, next week I'm gonna go to my non-stomach doctor to get some blood-work done and maybe even get a B12 shot but I think the supplements are working okay. I wasn't sure if I should start taking regular vitamin supplements too because they might be binding or be a little rough on my stomach.

Tonight we are playing New Bern, NC and tomorrow we're in Atlanta GA. Lotsa driving and lots of farting but it's going to be a great time.