freak.

I can't do this anymore. I know I usually don't get emotional in my blogs or express my feelings but I think it's time I do it, it could help a lot. I'm sick of being looked at as a freak. I can't even go in public without someone noticing it. You think it wouldn't be that big of a deal and people would be understanding, but that is never the case. People don't even realize how hard they are staring, some people even fucking laugh right in my face. I need someone to talk to that can help me be alright with myself and how I look again, this is getting too hard and I can't take this much longer. This has become more of a burden than I ever thought it would be.

I got used to it, why can't other people....


Before you even ask yourself, the answer is YES THAT IS A FUCKING MUSTACHE, AND YES I AM THE MAN. Also if you didn't get the joke, I was whining about my mustache, and no it didn't get that many laughs, most people thought it was sick as shit, most of my friends did at least haha. Plus it made me look like I was 35 which was pretty sweet. Also if you are one of my friends you know that this is being written in the past tense as I shaved my mustache about a week and a half ago, but I did have this sick ass picture of it, and I will keep it as proof forever.

Now I'm rocking the clean face for a while, giving the beard a rest. I figured the shitbag was already enough a woman determent (oh man but it's not always, ask for the story), and a mustache I thought would just make it even harder talk to the honeys. Not like I'm really trying to anyway but whatev.

Anyway, sorry I don't update this that much! I've been enjoying the shit out of my summer. I find myself almost everyday saying or at least thinking "fuck I love my life". Chillin with friends, sickest job, and more chilling and playing shows. I could probably do this forever. For anyone wondering I'm a driver for my dad, so I'm either driving a big van delivering bread with the radio on or driving around collecting money in a car with cds playing. As long I have some music I'm alright, plus I already love driving so it's very fun. I actually just came home from six hours of driving all around central NJ and figured since I'm in work mode I should try and be productive with this blog. But the thing is, there's not that much going on. I don't wanna just update everytime I think of a funny poop joke or something, then I'll feel like an illeostomy whore. But then again, me and my friends have been thinking of pretty awful videos to make that we probably will film by the end of summer and that I will def put up.

I did visit my doctor a few weeks ago and he told me I'm doing great. I gained so much weight and I keep gaining it, I'm probably close to 160 now, which is the most I've ever weighed. I've been pigging out on everything haha, I'm about to actually start watching what I eat so I don't get too chubby. I have an appointment with my surgeon next week and then June 29th I'm going to my other doctor in NY, where I'll be getting a colonoscopy and an illeoscopy. Fun new exciting! If you can't guess, an illeoscopy is where they stick a camera down your stoma and check out your small intestine. I'm gonna try to bring my camera and talk my doctor into taking pictures or something, but I feel like he'll be like lawsuit skeptical or I'll have to sign papers.

My sister came home from a 3 and half month stay in China last week. She left two days before I was rushed into the ER and had surgery done, and we didn't tell her until about a month into her stay. Once she found out, it was during the time I also gotten that nut-tube infection, so she mailed me this nice poem from China:



Isn't she the best?! I'm really happy her and her "boo" John are home because they are both great. Here is a pic of them taking advantage of all the touristy happenings and putting on some fly ass Shanghai-gear:


This is also one of the funniest pictures I have ever seen, ever.


Anyway, about a week ago someone told me how much my blog is helping their friend who is going through the same thing, and it felt really awesome to know that me talking about shitting on stuff and making jokes actually helped someone, and it totally made this whole thing worth it. Hopefully people will keep reading even though I don't consistently update, and hopefully my plan to be on Oprah and fingerbang the shit out of her will fall into place.

Stay shitty.