NO PAIN NO GAIN

...At least that's the way I always feel, but it's not always the case.  Your body needs to be in kinda of a relaxed state to be able to heal well.  Unfortunately, (but sometimes fortunately?) my pain tolerance is really high so I never feel like I'm in a lot of pain and that it could always be worse.  It's cool because I'm never really miserable, but I guess I should try and tune in and be a little more sympathetic to my body sometimes.

This is my morphine dispenser, if you push the button it will give you 1mg of morphine.  The max limit you could press the button is once every 10 minutes.   After my surgery on Tuesday I woke up and pushed my morphine button about 6 times before up until like 8PM, and I got a shot of dilaudin (no that's not what MJ got) when I woke up.  Once I was in the room I was tolerating the pain fine and I didn't even really think about even pushing the button until the next day.  

By like 2PM the next day I only pushed it like twice more, and once was actually my mom pushing it once by accident when we got up to walk haha.  They took my catheter out yesterday morning and I began peeing normally like an our or two after it was out.  A few minutes after they took it out, we got up to walk for the first time.  They wanted me walking at least four times a day which is what I did, but I did a pretty serious amount of laps every time so I def was trying to push myself.  It was a little painful of course, but compared to my last surgery this is a walk in the park haha.  I'm still a little weak and I haven't passed anything from my butt, but as I was walking I felt some gurgling/intestines waking up and I started burping.  

Every time the nurses came in they took my vitals and my blood pressure was really high, usually my systolic number (top number) was over 140 and eventually was over 150.  I was still feeling fine but they said that number is usually your body responding to pain and that I should try and take some more.  Once a doctor came in too and told me the same thing I started doing it a little more.   I was trying to save it for when the pain got worse because the last time it took 3 days for all the anaesthesia to flush out of my body and then after that I was in way more pain...but I don't really think that will happen this time, or at least not as severe.  

Also, morphine slows down your digestive tract a little bit so I figured if I wasn't in dire need of it then I wouldn't take it.  But once my head started getting a little heavy and I got a little headache from the blood pressure I decided to start taking some more shots.  I'm still only up to 25 now, and they're taking me off of it today since they're putting me on liquids and now I can take percocets by mouth...not really a fan of percocet but I'll take them if I gotta I guess, trying to be a tough guy doesn't really help the situation. 

My surgeon came in like an hour ago and took my padding off and then proceeded to poke around for a few minutes.  I felt like he was throwing jabs at my stomach haha but I guess he just wanted to make sure everything was alright:

Looks pretty sweet!  Gotta love that nice shave job they did haha.  He told me to just watch the area on the right where the stoma was for like oozing or extra pain because that means it's infected and that is no good.  Where the fuck did my bellybutton go?  They said I'll probably have a little one afterwards haha I guess we'll see.  The plan as of now is to start me on liquids today, see how that goes, and then gradually advance my diet.  They were talking about maybe even sending me home this weekend which would be sick.  They said they'll probably take these staples out in like two weeks, that's going to be some serious shit haha, we'll see how that goes when the time comes.

They just took my blood pressure and it's pretty much back to normal so that's a good sign!  I'm gonna take it real easy with the liquids so my stomach doesn't freak out and I don't puke, so hopefully that will work out.

Can't wait for the frequent battery acid diarrhea I've been reading so much about!

Side note:  Yesterday on full house Danny Tanner kissed DJ's spanish teacher.  And this morning on Saved by the Bell, Zack's father kissed Miss Bliss.  Both relationships did not work out.  Also yesterday Sabrina the teenage witch farted.  iCarly's brother joined a rock band but got kicked out.  Spongebob did a bunch of typical spongebob shit,  And Victoria Stilwell turned two people's canine relationships around on Animal Planet's new hit series "It's Me or The Dog"

That's it?

Really?  Hahaha alright I guess.  Easiest shit ever, and this pain compared to the perf. bowel ileostomy surgery is like 15 percent if even that.  My surgeon didn't even feel that the NG tube was necessary!  This is really awesome and weird.  Even better news was that I was expecting to be more than just 4cm of intestines inflamed, but that was it!  Nothing else so they barely cut anything.   

I can't take complete breaths yet really but if  I used spirometer it'd def be at least 150 compared to the weak 75 last time I got surgery.  I'll try and do it soon and write the number as soon as they bring it in.

(WOW NVM 2000 ML COMFORTABLY HOLY SHIT)

OH MAN I SAW MY DICK with the foley catheter in it, shit looks nuts!  My mom would not let me take a picture and post it though, which I'm not sure if I would even do anyway hahaha...sorry kids!

In the operating room I was just chillin, I was in a pretty light mood, just hanging out watching them shave me and  some light jokes.  Then they put me out and then I woke up!   I wasn't nearly as goofy as I was yesterday when I woke up, but I still really couldn't keep my eyes open for a few hours.

I'm so glad right now that everything went well and I get to catch a break for little!  Thank you so much everyone who kept in their thoughts, or prayed or whatever you did.  The surgery went perfect as of now and I haven't run into any complications yet.  

Here's what I look like THIS time compared to having a gaping vagina on my stomach.

Okay I'm gonna go nap or go to sleep, I'm pretty tired.  RIP SHITBAG.

Surgery TODAY

Woo!

Okay quick update, yesterday my colonoscopy/ileoscopy went fine obviously, I wasn't really worried.  I just woke up a little fucked up from the anesthesia but after five minutes of making talking baby gibberish I was fine.  My dad brought my down to earth a little when he wiped my face down with a cold rag...not the best way to wake up.

I stepped on a scale before my procedure...keep in mind I was like 163 two weeks ago (unless my scale was broken)...but not eating for two weeks will help you shed off all that fatty tissue!

I guess they were a little behind at the doctor's office yesterday because everything seemed a little rushed, that could also just be there wasn't much to say which I guess was a good thing.  The 

colonoscopy showed that I have a healthy colon and the ileoscopy only showed like 4 cm of inflammation which is expected from having the ileostomy surgery.  That being said, the doctor thinks there is something else going on that he couldn't really get to or see, so we're kinda just gonna go with my surgeon's "fuck it, we'll do it live" plan.  

My dad was in the room up until like two minutes before and then they kicked him out haha, I guess it wasn't going to be possible to get any footage.  Here's me like a few minutes before:

And here's me a few minutes after...

Wrecked....the first thing I hear waking up is a song I've been writing playing in my head, neat!  The procedure was fine, apparently you can get shit shoved an your ass when you're put out and not even feel anything after!  Makes me feel great about being put under anasthetics.  I asked my doctor if the ileoscopy is usually a big procedure and he said they usually don't even put you out for that but since they're doing a double whammy they might as well.  I woke up with a bag full of air, I guess because they were sticking stuff in it, but besides that I felt fine.  

After the procedure me and my dad went to hit the streets when my surgeon's office calls and asks if we wanted to do the surgery tomorrow...after lots of yelling/contemplating what to do we decide the best thing to do is just do the surgery asap and get everything over with kinda.    Being on liquids for two more days would just make me lose more weight, and then if I ran into problems I'd just have to go back in and be put on bowel rest again anyway so we figured we should just do it.  I had a funeral I really would have liked to have gone to but my whole family was of course very understanding and just wanting me to just get better.  I missed a wedding last week too, fuck. 

I still have some unanswered questions but they are just making me anticipating surgery more.  Not really being afraid is a nice feeling.  Plus the cool thing about anesthesia is that is doesn't fucking care if you're afraid anyways..once you get it you're sleepin.

I'm not really sure if I will be able to write anything else write after the surgery, but tomorrow I should be up and walking so hopefully I can type somethin' up.  

My new preference point for IV is the inside of the elbow so they just stuck me there, and actually as of now it's still kinda easy to type but we'll see how many days it holds up for!  i just didn't wanna get stuck in the hand again even though I don't really mind that much it's just gross for a second.

My surgery is scheduled for 1:30PM so they had me coming in at 12, but my surgeon is anticipating finishing his first surgery faster than the hospital is thinking (cause he's the FUCKING MAN) so he had me come in at 9am to chill a little.   

(update 1: okay it's 12:25 and still no sign of anything)

(update 2: okay 12:30 signing stuff bbl)

Usually for ileostomy reversal surgeries you're only in the hospital for about a week, which will be a walk in the park compared to the two and a half weeks after my last surgery.   Of course it's still surgery so I'm going to be banged up but hopefully it won't be so bad, I just hope they put the catheter in AFTER I'm asleep.  If anything I'll just revert to my masochist ways though, and I'll be fine.  

I'm excited to be out for my birthday!  (JULY 18th BRING ME PRESENTS).

Breakin Free

So my doc came in today and decided that even though I probably cou go home today, it would be better to just stay here just in case I have a hard time so we don't have to go back and forth and then end up just checked in the same day because that would be a bummer.  I totally understood where he was coming from, I like it here haha so I don't really mind.  That still didn't really stop me from leaving during the day at least though!  Here are some pictures from my day

If you don't know, my parents own a bakery.  Sucks to be the kids with Crohn's!  Haha nah I still pretty much eat all my favorite things anyway.  My first time I went to visit my regular doctor he asked "how do you stay so skinny with your parents and that bakery!"  And I remember just saying "Oh...I have Crohn's."  I didn't mean to sound like a dick-head but it probably came off that way haha...whatever they were just like "oh, man".  I like that doctor he's a good guy, he actually told me to write a book.  I think I mentioned that before, it's the same guy.

So me and my family have been in the process of moving into a new house, which has been going on for the past week about.  Bad timing really being in the hospital, but there's not really such thing as good timing for this shit to happen anyway!  After the bakery we decided to check up on my mom and dogs at the new house.  It's really awesome there and I'm excited to be sleeping there tomorrow.

Me and my mom.  Love her to death.    

Me and FUCKING BUSTER.  

After the trip to the bakery and my house we decided to head back.  Don't wanna be sketchy guy for too long, they probably know we leave anyways.  They probably know why I tend to reek like weed sometimes too, I guess it's okay haha.  Plus I'm not really getting a lot of nutrients/calories so I'm not trying to burn myself out.

Then a few hours ago we hit the streets of New Bruns after coming in and napping for a few hours at the hospital and being visited and hanging out with family outside.  My younger cousins actually surprised me and came to visit.  Anyone familiar with the RWJ children's hospital (still 18!) knows that there's a fountain in front with a bunch of children statues playing in the water.  My cousins were pretending to be statues and I didn't even realize they were there haha it was adorable.  After the fam left me and my dad went out for a little while.

Good day.

They took me off IV this morning but since I have a double scope tomorrow I asked if they can put me on IV fluids again to help avoid this wretched cottonmouth.  But once she checked and got the pass we saw my IV and it was tender with swelling, and I didnt really feel like getting stuck again, especially since I have to for those tests tom and can't just leave it in since I'm technically being sent home.  I only got so many good veins I'm trying to save them!

Excited for tomorrow, most likely will update tomorrow night as long as I have internet at the new home.  Going to try to update more often but I'd hate to be the boring ass guy just talking about bullshit!  I'll just post more pictures that way I don't have to use words as much.

K cya.

Yum

So I actually passed a bunch of food without them having to stick the tube in!  Which is good news I think.  At least we know I can pass things so I feel a little better about being sent home tomorrow.  My intestines are still definitely swollen because it takes like 8 hours of stomach gurgling/pressure for something to come out, but then usually once comes out a bunch more does.  After I ate that delicious green ice it took like half a day for it to all come out, but then after that I had some other things to eat and it took a little less time so it is getting a little better.  I really only have to hold out until like Thursday anyway, that's when they're planning on doing my surgery!  I am excited, tomorrow I am getting sent home early and going into to NY for my illeoscopy and colonoscopy.  

I'm not really worried about my surgery at all, I'm glad I have a really tough surgeon because I feel like he is just like "LETS DO THIS MOTHERFUCKER".  I know I'm gonna be banged up, but most people tell me it's not as bad as it as when they actually do the illeostomy surgery, I guess we'll see.  I'm sure I'll be all hopped up on pain meds!

Oh man, which reminds me, when they came in to do blood-work yesterday I was like "so....are you guys testing my blood for drugs?"  No shame haha.  He was like "no we're not, why are you nervous?"  And I was just like "well...nah but my friends wanted to like bring a joint."  Couldn't say "my dad wanted to bring a joint" it just would make it even more awkward hahahaha.

I was only asking because I read on a Crohn's forum that if they're going to give you painkillers then there's a chance they might run a drug test on you to see if you are a "drug abuser" and then I think you just have to be under close watch or something?  I usually don't take pain killers as much as the normal-person anyway so I'm not that worried.  

Yesterday me and my dad went for a walk...around New Brunswick haha.  We just circled the block around the hospital, it's not like I feel really sick anyway so I was up for it.  Here's me by the end of Joyce Kilmer, which if you don't know is like a 10/15 minute walk from the Children's hospital.  

They took me off IV completely today, so who knows where I'll end up.  I'll be sure to bring my camera where I am haha.  I wanted to go running actually but they said maybe it's not a great idea because it would burn a lot of calories and it's not like I'm really getting a lot anyway.

Besides that, nothing much is really going on.  I've pretty much been here since June 20th minus the two and a half days in between.  But the good thing is that I've felt pretty okay for most of these days so I can't really complain.  I'm probably being more productive in here than I am at home sometimes, besides not going to work at all haha.  I think after my test on Monday I'm going to be home for a day or two until before my surgery.  I'm really glad it's not like serious emergency this time, everything is so less stressful and relaxed.  From now on I'm not really going to dick around as far as waiting to go to the doctor's, it doesn't really make sense to do and doesn't help anyone.  Last time I tried to be a tough guy, my bowel fucking perforated.  Ripped open and chilling and fevers and awful awful pain and infection.  Ouch.

Since I was smart this time I just get to kick back and enjoy the nice hospital and people and weather.  I'm really lucky to have awesome parents and a supportive group of family/friends too.  Here's a picture my mom sent me yesterday that made my day:

I'm going to try and bring my camera to NY tomorrow to see if there's any legal footage I can get of my ileoscopy and colonoscopy.  Both of these procedures I'm also not really worried about, idk I tend not to worry too much?  They know what they're doing haha.  Anyway hopefully he'll let my mom videotape him sticking a four to five foot camera on a wire up my asshole, and one down my stoma.  What rules about getting a Colonoscopy this time is there is no prep since I do not shit out of my butt really.  So no enemas or drinking gross laxatives or anything!  I think all I have to do is not eat before like midnight, but I'll prob stop eating a little earlier since I don't really know how blocked up I am and I don't want him to stick his camera into a bunch of shit, awkward!  Like him tube fucking (new favorite term) my butt isn't already awkward enough haha.

JAIL TIME

Macs are really cool, but that just took like an hour to do upload those 5 pictures.  But that wasn't really the macs fault it was me having no idea what the fuck I  was doing haha.

No NG tube yet.  They decided to try a day of just liquids (which eventually turned into a day with NO liquids either) to see if the blockage will pass on it's own.  So far no and my doctor will be here in the morning early so I'm thinking I'll have it in for a day or something.  Boners!

I was brushing my teeth before and it tasted really good.  Like yumyum good so I kept brushing.  I'm glad toothpaste is flavored, that's my way of cheating anything into my mouth.  Plus it's barely any toothpaste anwyays the hospital stuff isn't that serious. Does anyone know if they make peanut buttered toothpaste holy shit that would be really delicious.  But I would probably just end up squeezing all of the tube into my mouth at once which would not be good.

Here are things that I am excited to eat, which by the way might not be for like two  weeks if I stay in here on IV into my reversal surgery hahaha that would be so fucking silly like some DAVID BLAINE shit fuckers.  But um things I will eventually eat (no not all at once, and chewed like 900 times.  and in all caps) are:

1) FUCKING SCALLOPS

2)peanut butter and jelly on a saltine cracker with maybe like a cherry on it holy fuck.

3)toothpaste oh wait 

4) GREEN APPLE VANILLA CUSTARD GELATI SOMEONE STOLE MINE AND I WAS ALLOWED TO HAVE IT THIS MORNING.

seriously I was gonna write on my blog last night about how I'm excited I have something in the fridge to look forward to even if its in like 3 weeks.   I ended up not writing it, but like 30 minutes later or a little after 6...I get up to walk around and check the fridge and my gelati isn't in there.  I even had a nice label printed on it with my name wtf.  This made me sad for the beginning part of the day.

5)SOY MILK AND VANILLA MARBLE FUDGE ICE CREAM|

6)lobsterlobsters.

I 18 and in a bed surrounded by a laptop and a camera and ipod and cell phone all on a roller-over-the-bed-counter.  I'm going to get one of these for my house.  Made out of chocolate.

The only thing that could make this better was if seinfeld was on right now be right back.  I guess two and a half man will suffice..

ARGH SHIT NO ITS ON FOX.  THERE'S A NAKED MAN ON THE SUBWAY.

It would be nice to be able to come home for a few days, my doctor said today if this blockage passes I can go home on a full liquid diet for like a week until my scope and illeoscopy.  That's like so many milkshakes and ice cream and snapple.  

I miss my dogs. 

RWJ 5

Okay it's really like RWJ 4 Cont...I was out of the hospital for about a day and a half before ending up back in this lovely place.  Those two days consisted of nothing more than me really going to a dog park, going out to eat with friends, and eating a little bit the next day.  After lunch the next day with my dad I noticed that there was no more ostomy output into the bag again and of course this made me a little bummed.  So I put on some gym shorts, got my fanny pack a pair of headphones and bottle of water and began running outside.   Hard.  I knew that would help break it up and as I was running I even started burping a little and tasting the food I ate in my mouth, but it didn't seem to help really.  

After about an hour to no avail I headed home and jumped in the shower.  I talked to my parents and we decided that the earlier I go in the better, and that we could probably go in before the puking starts and it won't be as hard.  I take a long shower to try and cool off and dreading the next few days of my life, not really because I was bummed about going to the hospital.  I mean obviously I was a little, but I can deal with hanging out in a bed with family, wireless internet, video games, friends, and tv.  It's actually sometimes more convenient than having to do that at home since I've been bumming off our neighbors' wireless internet for like a few months haha.  The reason I was really bummed was because I didn't want people to know I was back in here again only like 2 days later, I feel like I'm like letting down my family by making them worry about how I'm doing.

Keep in mind that once I was discharged from the hospital last week, I solely thought the problem was just a mechanical regular obstruction, like me not chewing my food enough.  So once I was out I kinda just assumed a normal eating diet because that's what they told me I could do.  Of course after eating a chicken parm sandwich without any output I started to think maybe something was up.  

As I'm walking out of the bathroom to get ready to head to the hospital, I hear a loud fart/pop come out of my stoma and poop starts oozing out.  This is the most relieving thing ever but I know I'm still not out of the clear really, so that night I eat half of a pbnj sandwich and a little tuna for dinner.  The next morning there is some ostomy output but not as much as I would have expected, so I take it easy and eat some applesauce for breakfast.  The day carries on and still no output, so I try the running/bike riding thing for a long time.  Then that night around 6 and still no output we decide we should  just go in to the hospital before it gets bad, I'm barely in pain so we figure we should go just to get the situation under control.  

I opt out of taking a catscan, basically because I got one the last week and the only thing it can really determine is if the problem is an obstruction again or something serious, and it was pretty obvious that it was the same thing that happened the week before.  What was a bummer that even though we came in early, I still needed the NG tube again.  Me trying to be a big guy and thinking I can handle anything, I ask the nurse how big the tube was and she tells me it's only 12mm in diameter.  The week before they gave me a 14mm and my visiting surgeon was complaining that it was too small for me and I should have like an 18mm in.  So I ask for one, and we find out it doesn't fit.  The hard way.  Ow ow.  They tried raping both of my nostrils and couldn't get it in, so we go with a 16mm tube, which actually felt way way worse than a 14mm which you wouldn't really expect.

So I'm hanging out in the hospital not in much pain and the obstruction breaks in about a day and half which was great.  The doctors decide they want to do a special kind of test on me called an enterography, which is like a combination of a cat scan and an upper bowel series but shows more detail or something. They had to put orders in to get special stuff to do the test and the supplies wouldn't arrive for like a day or more so I hang out for another day.  Even though the obstruction broke I'm not on any kind of diet yet, still no liquids or solids. But they did give me some dinner every night, here's what it looked like for me 

eventually once they stopped giving it to me through the IV:

Mmmm gotta love it.

The next day they decide that they don't really need to do this test, they can get just as much information from doing a small bowel series.  So we totally just wasted a day for no reason haha.  That's the test that requires you to drink a shitload of barium, but since there was still a huge tube that ran down my nose and into my stomach, I ask if they can just pump it through there because one of the nurses mentioned it to me.  They say yes, and I am stoked because that stuff tastes like milky-chalky-cheap orange juice.  They get a big plastic syringe and start pumping two big bottles of barium into me and I am just loling and glad I don't have to drink that awful stuff.  Then we wait about an hour for the barium to go all the way through my intestines.  After checking with an x-ray to see if the barium has traveled far enough a few times, they decide I'm ready to go and take me into a room where a nice man pokes me with a rubber ball on a stick while x-raying me.  Here's a video of part of my upper bowel series, the guy doing it was nice enough to do it for a little longer after we found out my mom accidentally forgot to hit the record button haha:

Towards the end of the video I'm not sure if you can tell but you can see some strip-like rubbery (?) looking things near the end of the intestines.  Those are adhesions from surgery, which is what has been causing the blockage.  To me this was actually good news, because I was afraid that somehow the blockage was being caused by the Chrons acting up already again.  Adhesions are like fibrous tissue bands that grow in your intestine because your body has no idea what the fuck just happened so it tries to heal itself, having part of your intestines cut out will do that.

I'm actually really glad, (and still am!) that it's adhesions because the doctors said 75 percent of the time they do not require surgery, just bowel rest.  This upper bowel series did conclude that there could also be some leftover Crohn's from the surgery, but they can't tell if that is really causing any more problems.  I'm pretty sure I'd be in a little more pain if the Crohn's was causing a problem but I guess you never know...an ileoscopy will hopefully help reveal that.

I pass all of the barium and dump it out into a urinal with some poop in it and it forms a nice smoothie.  Notice how the brown poop was in there first but the still floated to the top since the barium is so thick.  Cool Science!

Eventually my diet gets advanced to liquids, and the next day (which I think was today?) My surgeon comes in and tells me that since I'm here already we can do my ostomy reversal surgery soon that way these adhesions don't become as much of a problem with the ostomy.  While this is good news, it's very all of a sudden, and he says he wants to do the surgery tomorrow.  I agree after realizing I'm pretty much giving up a month of my summer, it's been kinda shitty out anyways!

We were originally planning to do the surgery at the middle of August but my surgeon felt I would be fine if we did it now.  So I guess this is farewell to my shitbag, to tell the truth I am a little sad...there was so much more I had in mind to do!  So many more inappropriate things to say, so many more people to offend.  

My surgeon also said there would be a slight chance we would cut some more bowel out depending on if the Crohn's seems like it may cause future problems.  He was just gonna kinda wing it and see what was up once they cut me open, which I was actually fine with because I'm lucky enough to have a pretty great surgeon.  Not like I really know from experience, but I saw this plaque on his wall from like an "America's Top Surgeon's" magazine and it really put me at ease.  

A little later, the other doctors come in and opt against the surgery, this was after I signed away on the papers so we had to cancel everything and make sure it goes through.  The reason being was that although my surgeon might rule, they wanna know exactly what they're dealing with when they connect my intestines back to my colon.  So they want to do an illeoscopy and colonoscopy before the surgery.   Unfortunately, they can't do it until next week, so I'd have to be sent home for a few days.  This was the ga

me plan until like about ten hours ago.  They advanced me to a soft-food diet and I order some dinner.  Stir Fry with tofu, some pasta with tomato sauce, and mashed potatoes.  

This looks like a lot, but i probably ate about only like 40 percent of this food, over the span of like twenty-five minutes.  My dad ate most of the remains hahaha.  While I am eating, I am super careful, chew everything 30+ times, and exclude all the vegetables that came with the stir fry.  I even ordered the sauce and gravy on the side, but they just put it on the food and also on the side so it was like having double sauce so I just didn't use the extra obviously.   

(side note: MAYBE THAT MEAL GOT STUCK BECAUSE THAT MEAL WAS LIKE 80000 FUCKING STARCHY CARBS YOU DICKHEAD).

I guess I should mention I'm taking all meat besides fish out of my diet.  I'm stoked on eventually trying tofurkey tofu hotdogs tofu burger and all those cool things and hopefully I'll be able to stick with it for a while.  Plus fish is fucking awesome.  I was talking to a really nice student nurse here and she was saying how taking out meat really challenges you to try new kinds of food, especially if you're just used to eating the same stuff all the time.  I mean it's only been like six days of having this diet, and within those 6 days I really only got to eat like 3 actual meals, but so far I've been holding strong!  Time will determine whether or not I actually have any kind of will power.  But sushi is so awesome shit!  I think I'll be okay for a while. 

So anyway back to eating this meat-free meal...I def took some precautionary steps to help prevent any irriation, but it didn't really seem to matter and I am obstructed again!  Whatever, I guess I just won't go home until my scope and reconnective surgery.  Better safe than sorry and I really don't mind being here.  The doctor is going probably order an NG tube to be put in again tomorrow I'm thinking.  I don't care, fucking bring it!  That's the best way I've learned to deal with everything I have to go through here.  It's really the best way for me at least.  Tackling shit head on maybe with a laugh on the way.  

My spirits are pretty high still, I hope this blog doesn't sound like I'm wah wah-ing too much, I'm just really tired...it's 4:45 A.M and I still haven't slept.  I did walk around my floor and run in place in my room for five minutes but it didn't really help.  I feel okay though, I def feel some pressure but it's not painful.  I'm back on a clear liquid diet but I haven't really drank anything since that last meal I had...it's kind of hard to judge because while liquids could help flush the food out, they also might just cause more pressure if nothing is going through so I'm not really sure what to do. 

I've been living vicariously through playing Rollercoaster Tycoon and writing music on the computer.  My sister bought me a fucking MacBook Pro and I am typing on it right now.  It's like so easy that it's hard to use almost, I'm way to accustomed to windows. 

Anyway, I'm doing fine, here's a picture I took from my charts that can summarize about 80 percent of this blog:

I'll probably post again within a few days once I know what's going on really.  In the meantime I just saw a weather forecast today and it looks like it's gonna be a shitty day!  Glad I'm gonna be nice and cozy in this hospital.

So I'm on the road to feeling better, it just is long process but I can handle it.  The only thing I'm really afraid of is running out of things to blog about haha.  Okay it's like 5:30 ttysoon.

RWJ part IV

Okay....so I've had an update lined up and I even took some pictures and actually planned out my thoughts and put some effort into what I was going to write and I just haven't been able to get around to it. That blog is gonna be put on hold a little because this one takes a little more priority and is a little more current being that I am sitting in a hospital bed right now and I haven't eaten anything since this past Friday morning. Not like I'm hungry, but it sounds really cool when you consider how it's about to be Wednesday and shit.
So of course there can always be complications with an illeostomy bag, even if it's not directly Crohn's related you can still have a problem. That little pooper is only so big so if you swallow whole pieces of food or quarters or something chances are you will end up in a jackpot. Unfortunately this was the case for me Thursday night. After a trip to the local Cinnabon/Food Court at Menlo Park mall I woke up the next day and realized that I had barely passed any food from the night before, which is usually never the case...I usually wake up like twice in the middle of the night to empty my shit just so I don't have to worry about waking up being sauteed (sp?) in it. So I woke up on Friday, didn't completely realize yet, went out to do some work and stopped to get breakfast while I was out. By like 2pm I'm starting to feel some stomach cramps and I look to see one of the scariest things I have seen wrong with my body in a while...

...a severe lack of shit. An illeostomy bag should NEVER really look that clean unless you haven't eaten in like a day and/or you just put a new one on. This pic is actually taken from Friday night, but this was what I was looking at all day.
However, cramping does not really get that intense or bad and of course me thinking I can fix everything by myself I google stoma obstructions and learn that they can pass on their own within 6-8 hours, but if they don't by then you should seek medical attention. I keep doing some reading even though the pain still is not even really there except for maybe like five minutes out of every sixty, and I find a tip that if you feel you have an obstruction and it might possibly be near the end of your intestine/beginning of your stoma, you can stick a part of your fingertip in your stoma to try and break up some of the food.
A few hours later, a combination of my fear of returning to the hospital for the fourth time combined with the amount of marijuana in my body at this moment of time lead to some of the sickest fucking pictures ever.

Ready and...

Fire! Hell yeah. Even though I was slightly worried at this point in time I still had to take advantage of this photo op and send a text to a few friends. Plus this is the most action I've really gotten in a while from anything so it was def a fun time.

After a few minutes of finger wiggling to no avail, I pack it up and head home. By now it's like 4pm and I have a show this night in north NJ.

Keep in mind that although I knew I had a possibility of going to the hospital, I'm not really worried at all. The pain by now is at most like 10 percent of what it was the other times I was hospitalized, so I'm really feeling fine and walking around and stuff. I was at least smart enough this day to NOT eat anything after breakfast and pass up on buffalo wings for lunch. For the rest of the day I'm drinking plenty of water to try and flush everything out.

At the show I think I'm feeling alright and then suddenly walk outside and puke up all the water I just drank. Slightly stubborn I feel like I still might have a chance at passing this thing and decide that I will go home right after we play which is like in twenty minutes anyway. During our set I'm feeling pretty alright until towards the end, one of the last songs I'm playing really weak (but still almost in time!) and as I'm playing I fucking puke up water all over my snare drum. The greater part about this was that it was so much that as I'm hitting my drum it is all splashing up in my face. After this song we wrap it up and I head home with my friends. I'm still actually feeling really okay but I know I should try and take care of this. After a last attempt of trying to take a bath and relax, we decide I should go to the hospital after my sister walks into the bathroom and I'm standing up naked and puking all over my dick. I put a new bag on, make sure I grab a camera and things, and we're off.
So around 11 pm/midnight I'm in the hospital chilling out. I remember as I walk in the ER drop off I feel the urge to puke and I go up to a garbage can and apologetically tell the sick people around it: "excuse me, I'm really sorry...I have to throw up" ralphralphralph a few minutes later after a bunch of people leave from being grossed out I am on my way towards the ER. I was really only puking up water and maybe some bile, but I guess watching a stranger throw up is a little strange to do, unless you're soneone who watches awful things on the internet.

...Which brings me to this video. This is me waiting to get dispatched into a room upstairs on the adoloscent floor. The video is a few minutes long so if you just wanna see the good stuff I would fast foward a little bit. This is an NG Tube (nasal gastro), being inserted up my nose and down into my stomach. Fortunately I have the fucking coolest sister ever and she hid the camera under her sweatshirt and got this footage.



Sorry if that's a bummer to anyone or a little sad! I've really had fairly high spirits most of my stay here. If you see me sticking my tongue out in this video, that is not being extremely sick, but that is my effort to try and be the funny guy and make sexy faces while they fuck my nose with a plastic hose. I think I explained what this tube is like in my first blog, but as a refresher: it's there to suck the shit out of my stomach, and it feels like you have a popsicle stick in your throat. The tube sucks up bile blood mucus and any blockage and sucks it into a nice tidy bin where you can add a tap and serve it to any of you friends.

What was kind of a bummer was that this tube and this obstruction caused some awkward pressure buildup and interfered with my diaphragm somehow and gave me a bad case of the hiccups that I had for probably about 40% of my first few days here. I would even wake up in the middle of the night and just start hiccuping.

After I get this tube in I'm off to get a CatScan. As you might be able to hear in the video I'm on the "no drink or eat" diet so they pump the formula down my tube so there is good contrast on the tests. Fortunately I held it down right up until about 10 seconds after the scan, this is me in the hallway after.


Yum yum gotta love that gritted ass attempt at a smile!

Okay let's fast forward a little bit, because nothing really happens for the next day or two...which is maybe something to even talk about. It gets a little worse for the next day and a half...I'm still walking and moving around but the pain becomes a little more intense. It's still nothing compared to what it ever was, but it's starting to get bothersome. This time in the hospital, I was a little more open to taking painkiller drugs to deal with some of the pain, because really after four times you don't want to deal with this shit any more haha. I still DID pass it up plenty of times, and I probably only got morphine like 4 times and that's it, compared to people who would milk the shit out of my situation and just be fucked up all day I think I'm alright...however I did think I was a ghost with "butter hands" at one point and I woke up later and had no idea what was going on.

A highlight of those two days was that the old associate of my old GI doctor came in, the one we chose not to see anymore...and the one I think I wrote about previously a few blogs ago and said something like "fuck you". He was like "what happened? we were scheduled to come and then you cancelled!" And I was so happy that I got to tell him that I started seeing another doctor and I thought the situation was handled very maturely especially on my end because this guy was kind of a jerk but I just told him the deal. He said it was fine and that he wishes the best and said he was gonna find the GI resident for the hospital who was taking care of me and give them the scoop so they can help me more.

He then leaves and comes back 10 seconds later with the female GI resident that def had some respect for me since I usually know what I'm talking about when it comes to Crohn's and we had a good talk earlier that day... and he pretty much just tries to make me look like a dick head, calls me a "puttz" for going to the hospital so late the 3rd time that I got a preforation, and calls me a "rock star" because I left for tour a few days after coming out of the hospital the first time. There's a difference between being parently and being a fucking asshole, and I really don't think you are either of my parents you fucking tool. I was totally content with where we left off two minutes ago and I was planning on never having to see you face again, but I guess if you need the last word to an 18 year old kid that's totally fine. Fuck you schmuck.


For the rest my time the next few days some of my friends kept company with me and hung out which was great. I didn't try to tell a lot of people I was here again...not like I didn't want to tell people I was in the hospital, but really I wasn't trying to. There's a lot going on right now, and this shit just gets in the way I feel like. I always know I'll be fine especially with my loved ones around, and it's not like my friends aren't important! It's just this happened four times, I know the drill, and I know my friends care a lot. A bunch of them still came to visit and did nice things like stay for long and talk, send nice texts, bring video games, and even a porno magazine (Black Lust baby!). Even the whole Maroney family was with me in some kind of way! I texted Mike Maroney Photography(R) this picture and told him to tell his dad I said thanks since I got to stay in his sick ass sponsored hospital room.

Hospital stays for me aren't as scary as they are for a lot of people. Just because I'm in the hospital doesn't mean I'm deathly sick or dying or fucked for life...it means that I can't take care of my problem on my own and need all those neat facilities and gadgets the hospital has to offer. I was telling my sis "dude if I had IV and a suction thing and some steroids and drugs I would totally be able to handle this, I just don't. " The medical plan was pretty similar to the plans the other times, bowel rest, then some steroids, then some antibiotics. Of course if this shit didn't pass this time it would result in another surgery, not as severe really as the other one, but still surgery. A day and a half in, my doctors start getting worried that nothing was passing still. Then on monday afternoon, I finally pass a respectable amount of liquids. That night I walk around the floor with my sister for a while and feel everything breaking up, I even wake up in the middle of the night from a huge gas blurt let out from my stoma and just say "holy shit noelle did you hear that?"

The next day (today!) I go for another walk and then the GI doctor on this floor comes to talk to me to try and work out a plan to try and get more to pass from my body. Her planning is interrupted by a huge ass fart and me filling up like more than half of my bag with a huge ejaculatory diarrheal 14 second poop shot in which she stops talking and we both just stare at my stoma. Right after this, she stops, smiles and says "okay never mind you're good!" And just leaves the room laughing out loud. I wish I could of recorded how much shit came out of me, I mean we recorded the number since we had to, like 600CCsor something, but I wish I taped it haha.

More friends came to hang today, magicians came and did magic. And then we finally got to take this NG tube out. Hopefully this video is a little more uplifting, I keep getting that clown-pulling-an-endless-ribbon-out-of- his-mouth vibe from this footage but it's so great!


Better days are coming, they always are. Tom I prob will be put on liquids and maybe solids and the latest I should be out of here by is probably Thursday night! Just in time for the weekend! PARTY!

freak.

I can't do this anymore. I know I usually don't get emotional in my blogs or express my feelings but I think it's time I do it, it could help a lot. I'm sick of being looked at as a freak. I can't even go in public without someone noticing it. You think it wouldn't be that big of a deal and people would be understanding, but that is never the case. People don't even realize how hard they are staring, some people even fucking laugh right in my face. I need someone to talk to that can help me be alright with myself and how I look again, this is getting too hard and I can't take this much longer. This has become more of a burden than I ever thought it would be.

I got used to it, why can't other people....


Before you even ask yourself, the answer is YES THAT IS A FUCKING MUSTACHE, AND YES I AM THE MAN. Also if you didn't get the joke, I was whining about my mustache, and no it didn't get that many laughs, most people thought it was sick as shit, most of my friends did at least haha. Plus it made me look like I was 35 which was pretty sweet. Also if you are one of my friends you know that this is being written in the past tense as I shaved my mustache about a week and a half ago, but I did have this sick ass picture of it, and I will keep it as proof forever.

Now I'm rocking the clean face for a while, giving the beard a rest. I figured the shitbag was already enough a woman determent (oh man but it's not always, ask for the story), and a mustache I thought would just make it even harder talk to the honeys. Not like I'm really trying to anyway but whatev.

Anyway, sorry I don't update this that much! I've been enjoying the shit out of my summer. I find myself almost everyday saying or at least thinking "fuck I love my life". Chillin with friends, sickest job, and more chilling and playing shows. I could probably do this forever. For anyone wondering I'm a driver for my dad, so I'm either driving a big van delivering bread with the radio on or driving around collecting money in a car with cds playing. As long I have some music I'm alright, plus I already love driving so it's very fun. I actually just came home from six hours of driving all around central NJ and figured since I'm in work mode I should try and be productive with this blog. But the thing is, there's not that much going on. I don't wanna just update everytime I think of a funny poop joke or something, then I'll feel like an illeostomy whore. But then again, me and my friends have been thinking of pretty awful videos to make that we probably will film by the end of summer and that I will def put up.

I did visit my doctor a few weeks ago and he told me I'm doing great. I gained so much weight and I keep gaining it, I'm probably close to 160 now, which is the most I've ever weighed. I've been pigging out on everything haha, I'm about to actually start watching what I eat so I don't get too chubby. I have an appointment with my surgeon next week and then June 29th I'm going to my other doctor in NY, where I'll be getting a colonoscopy and an illeoscopy. Fun new exciting! If you can't guess, an illeoscopy is where they stick a camera down your stoma and check out your small intestine. I'm gonna try to bring my camera and talk my doctor into taking pictures or something, but I feel like he'll be like lawsuit skeptical or I'll have to sign papers.

My sister came home from a 3 and half month stay in China last week. She left two days before I was rushed into the ER and had surgery done, and we didn't tell her until about a month into her stay. Once she found out, it was during the time I also gotten that nut-tube infection, so she mailed me this nice poem from China:



Isn't she the best?! I'm really happy her and her "boo" John are home because they are both great. Here is a pic of them taking advantage of all the touristy happenings and putting on some fly ass Shanghai-gear:


This is also one of the funniest pictures I have ever seen, ever.


Anyway, about a week ago someone told me how much my blog is helping their friend who is going through the same thing, and it felt really awesome to know that me talking about shitting on stuff and making jokes actually helped someone, and it totally made this whole thing worth it. Hopefully people will keep reading even though I don't consistently update, and hopefully my plan to be on Oprah and fingerbang the shit out of her will fall into place.

Stay shitty.

tests.

I've been to at least 6 different doctors to try to figure out my Crohn's disease situation. Most of the time I change doctors because my parents don't like the doctor or what they are saying, or because I'm feeling, but honestly most of the time I am feeling worse because I tend to eat whatever I want which is a bad idea. Being that I am 18 and trying to do things, going to so many different doctors is not fucking cool. But what tends to be worse is the various tests that have been given to me over the past year and a half. A lot of them were very similar, a lot of them were very pointless, and all of them pretty much were very silly. I understand that over time your Crohn's Disease can progress or get worse and it's good to check up on it, but some of these tests def did not need to happen.

I don't ever know what this first one ever given to me was called. All I know is that I had to drink a lot of barium. "Oh you mean barium? Like the fucking element?" Yes. White gooey drink that tasted like Sunny D, only it was white and tasted a little worse. So after drinking about like 2 bottles of barium for this test, I think one might have even been the night before, they put me on the table and try to get x-rays of me. But then this usually happens whenever I have to drink barium for tests: "Lol you need to drink more barium, you intestines are like swollen and enough of it hasn't gone through". The first time this happened I drank more barium and still no good so they were like "go get food or something" so I did. I must have taken at least seven tests involving barium or drinking bullshit for catscans, and at least 4 of the times I probably had to drink more.

Eventually for this first test enough barium goes through and I'm good to go and this guy is holding a stick with like a bouncy ball on the end and pressing down on my stomach. "Tell me where it hurts". And he's like looking at my insides and trying to figure out what the problem is. I don't remember if they found anything out during this test. I don' t really remember this test well at all, all I really remember is that it was the first time I was introduced to my new favorite drink, barium smoothie coolata.

Another test I took was a colonoscopy, I think I probably described it before, but I'll give a quick run through. Don't eat for x amount of hours prior to the test (this is actualy the case for most stomach, but tests for obvious reasons), take 2 enemas at x and y hours prior to the test (luckily i had practiced giving myself an enema before I even had crohn's for no reason at all), come in to the hospital, iv anestetic, sleep, long camera on a bendy wire in your butt, wake up, fart little air poofs, go home. No big deal, I probably have to get one every few years or something, probably the easiest procedure for me to go through, all I do is sleep. They actually printed me out some pictures from this test, but my mom took them away from me because I kept showing my friends because I am a whore. If I do get them I will put them up for sure!

Another test I took was a mother fucker for sure. capsule endoscopy I think it's called. Here's what happened, they make you not eat for like a day, and probably you have to give yourself an enema because you usually have to, and why not? Then you go into the hospital very hungry and they put all these sticky things on your chest that are connected to wires, and all of these wires are connected to what looks like an overly sized beeper which goes on a belt which is strapped around you. Then you swallow a pill with a camera built into it that keeps flashing. The pill isn't really THAT big. I did choke a little because I was just eager to swallow it and I mostly just choked on the cup of water they make you drink to chase it down after, wrong pipe or something. When they first took the pill out of the package it was in this large protective cone thing and I remember seeing it and being like "WHAT THE FUCK" because I though I had to swallow a 4 by 2 inch orange cone. Here is a picture of the actual pill next to a coin that is a shitty reference of size because I have no idea what the fuck kind of coin it is.
Haha but seriously, it couldn't have been longer than two inches.

Once you swallow the pillit runs through your whole digestive tract and sends pictures to the sticky things on your chest which then store the pictures in that large battery thing. You have to wear like a large apparatus over you which looks like a bomb is strapped to you. I actually had a note in school so people didn't ask questions, but I just wore a large hoodie all day anyway. You go back at the end of the 2nd day (halfway through the second day I think you can start eating jello or something) and then they rip all the sticky things off of your hairy 17 year old chest and you go home and shit out the pill, which I never found haha.

Here is why this test was fucking stupid to do at the time. I understand it was a new doctor and he wanted to see what was going on, but a few weeks later I received a phone call and got the results.

"Hi is this Joseph? Hi this is ____ from Dr. ____'s office, we're just calling to follow up your endoscopic capsule procedure. Turns out you DO have Crohn's disease. Yep! It's confirmed!"

You fucking mother fucker. I'm pretty sure we know that when I had a a grapefruit sized abcess in my butt, and then we went in with a camera and took pictures and we found ulcers and inflammation. I don't understand why they thought they would find something if they went in from my mouth instead of my butt. That was so fucking stupid, fucking dick head.

Does anyone know what a holistic doctor is? I went in and this guy tells me to lay down. Everything seems normal until he tells me to put my arm up and pushes it down and tells me to resist him pushing it down. Then he holds capsules of different foods to my head and tells me to resist and notes that for some foods I have a harder time resisting. Honestly, I don't know if this is real or a scam, this guy kinda creeped me out and we never gave him a chance, plus our insurance at the time didn't cover it and the first (and also last) visit was like $250. We kinda blew it off as "wtf was that hippie shit" at the time, only because we were in there for like two hours and this guy seemed so into holding samples of lobster on my head. A lot of people swear by holistic doctors so I guess it could have been worth a shot, but one of the first things he said to me was "your diet needs to completely change". He recommended all gluten free foods. I remember gluten free bread tasted like 30 day old corn bread only like very bland and that peanut butter was very watery. I probably could have gotten used to it, but we just never went back to see this guy anyway so I stopped. I will note that Crohn's probably has to do something with food allergies or some kind of reaction to food. And if you're a doctor reading this right now and you disagree: fuck you, and come see me.

Sorry, writing all this is making me realize how much I fucking hate some doctors haha.

Anyway, easiest test I've ever done is the x-ray where I just drink a cup of fizz and stand there and they take it, both of those were done to me in the hospital both times. I've also been administered the "gay test" by friends, where they would put their arms around me and time the seconds that I would allow it to happen. Turns out that x seconds is equivalent to x% of how gay I am, usually somewhere in the 200's.

Probably the most frequent test I've taken though is the catscan, lots of barium to drink, then you lay down and they put you through a tube and it makes crazy noises. Sometimes they give you IV iodine too which makes your gooch tingle a lot for some reason. These catscans were done in the hospital a few times, and a lot of times doctors wanted to do them to see how I'm doing. I don't know why they just didn't share results I'm sure a lot of them were not necessary haha. However this picture does conclude one fact that I know is true about my body:




...And that is that my limp dick tends to hang to the left when I am laying down. ZING.