home sweet home

It feels good to be home, it really does.  Just to be moved into a new house, with like all new awesome shit, and WIRELESS INTERNET (something I have never had in my house and am so stoked about), things are looking pretty good.  

Between today and yesterday my poop has started to come out more solid in little meatball-like nuggets.

Not too bad!  Still when I get the urge to go I freeze because I'm not sure if I should make a run for the toilet or hold it in and let it pass a little before trying to make a move.  So far I have not shit my pants even a little bit, and my butthole feels pretty okay!  Having wipes is a big help too.  Gotta love those medicated hemorrhoidal/vaginal hygienic cleansing pads.  They keep my butt fresh, and keep my vagina even fresher!  Even when I use one pad for both spots!  Ew alright sorry.

Okay so this is going to be hard to explain but I will give it a shot.  

My first night home sleeping in bed, I kept having nightmares about how I was back in the hospital.  It happened in several dreams, and in every dream the reasoning was "You're not shitting, you gotta go to the hospital".  I'm chalking this up to my brain being so used to my body constantly shitting, and since that no longer happens my brain was probably a little confused.  Also the fact that the bag isn't there probably confused me too.  These dreams were really awful, who the fuck wants to be back in the hospital ever?  Especially when you think you're fine.  Fortunately, I woke up in the morning very very very very relieved.  I seriously thought some awful shit happened again it was a scary night.

Not as "scary"...or interesting at least as the next night.  My discharge instructions from the hospital were very simple, I was going home on no medications really, besides the prednisone which we decided that we were going to taper off even though there is no Crohn's left in me.  One guy said don't taper just stop completely, someone else said take 20mg or 30mg for the weekend at least and then talk to my actual GI doctor and figure out a plan.  I actually just made up my own tapering plan and ran it by my doctor today and he said it was fine.  I know my shit duh, it's not really hard to do.

Okay so as the nurse is reading me my going home instructions, she asks "do you smoke?"  Of course me having no shame "yeah I smoke weed, I have Crohn's" blah blah.  But I knew that smoking slows down the healing process so I agreed to not do it until I'm feeling much better and able to.  BUT.  No one said anything about baking weed into a cake!

More like teenagescumbag...seriously!  I'll try no to just talk about how I'm a stoner all the time because I really don't think I am that much but it seems like whenever I update this thing I'm talking about crazy marijuana antics.  Then again weed is arguably a key factor in someone with a stomach disease's life.  It depends how you look at it, I'm not gonna be the fucking hippy justifying my smoking with scientific facts, but I'm not going to say that it doesn't help because it definitely does.  But, let's also point out that I am having NO stomach pains at all right now, they actually labeled me "Crohn's free" from when they saw my insides at the surgery.  That doesn't mean I'm free of the disease, statistically it eventually comes back...but still I am in great shape.  

There was no other reason for me to be under the influence of marijuana besides me just wanting to haha.   I was smart enough to pass up on the few offers to smoke already, because I am trying to get better, but I'm also just trying to have a good time still!  Shit, I am pretty much living inside for a few weeks anyway might as  well make it a little more interesting.

That being said, I never tried weed-cooking and when my friends were telling me how much more serious it is when you actually try it, maybe I should have actually believed them.  I was so gone like really ridiculous.  Enough of that though, I will just say that ironically this situation ended up doing some harm to me and my situation.  Because I had the fucking giggles all night, I was actually a little sore today from laughing so hard.  

Hey, if it makes me seem like any less of a recreational-drug abuser, I will take this opportunity to point out that in the hospital after they took me off of Morphine and onto Percocets orally, I took NONE.  So after the first day of recovering from surgery, I took no pain medication at all.  I do kinda have high pain tolerance, but I also figured as long as my blood pressure wasn't really high like it was the day before I didn't really need to take any pain-killers.  Really I probably could've taken them and they would've only helped me relax maybe and heal, but I felt fine.  And I really don't fucking like oral painkillers, even though morphine through an IV is pretty much stronger juice, once I felt like I didn't need anything I didn't take it.

And even though I was totally not coherent, I watched what I ate though of course, I'm not going to be the fucking idiot eating two cheeseburgers EVER again.  In fact, I still haven't eaten any meat.  Just a bunch of tofu cheese sandwiches, and lots of shrimp and pasta.  I'm planning on keeping it up for a while and maybe eventually introducing chicken if I feel the need to.  But I have no desire to as of now, and I'm usually pretty good at committing to something once I start it...I'm just not great at starting something haha.

So I was a little achy today (monday), but it wasn't even much worse so I can't really complain.  I also woke up still fucked up, and spent 10am from 2:30pm on the couch watching cartoons and napping/zoning.  I came to around 3pm and then spent the rest of the day writing music, and watching some more sweet nickelodeon.  I can't figure out why I have gotten so into spongebob squarepants, but it's great.  And no, I started watching it before I started smoking all the time.  Spongebob was on the TV today for at least 3 or 4 hours haha.  Plus iCarly gotta love it.  

My staples feel okay, they're a little irritated towards the bottom from my waistband rubbing on them, so as a result I am sleeping pantless/underwear-less in bed.  Something I used to do at home anyway, not a big deal, as long as Buster doesn't decide to throw a punch or something.  

This reminds me of the time I was recovering from a perianal abcess and Buster stretched his paw out directly into my asshole.  Fuck that was so awful.

I'm recovering pretty fast.  For almost being able to make completely solid shit not even a week after surgery is a great thing.  I've heard horror stories about awful diarrhea and pains and I'm glad none of it is happening to me besides the sudden urge to shit.  I'm only going probably like 4-7 times a day which is fine already!  

MY BIRTHDAY IS SATURDAY.