I NEED A BIDET

One of these:

I mean I can't really complain...at least everything is working to a degree.  They put me on solids yesterday and I've been eating and the stomach pain has been very tolerable up until I feel the sudden urge to take squirt out a pint of chocolate syrup.

FUCK I JUST HALF SNEEZED OUCH.

The incision and stapling gets staggeringly better every day, I guess today my lungs feel like they can expand enough to sneeze.  That wasn't too bad I guess but it was very very scary. 

Okay so like I was sayin, poop has been coming out.  Probably after I eat something it comes out in like twenty minutes.  My bowels are still readjusting and getting used to absorbing things I guess but for now they're just squeezing stuff through.  I can try to hold it on and I can probably for an hour or two if I am laying down, but I will feel some bubbling and discomfort so it's better just to not even bother.  Probably in the past 2 days I've gone like 12 times.  Gone through like 2 and a half packs of wipes.  Burning butt blisters are really inevitable but I'm going to try to prolong it for as long as I can.  A bidet would really be handy!  Here's what my first shit, and pretty much all of them look like.  By the way, I feel like I'm fucking 2 again:

"Joey's first doodie out of his fanny into the potty yay!  Take a picture!"   

The lady who cleans the room is talking to me right now and I really don't know what she is saying but I am trying to agree to the parts she sounds like she feels positive about but it's really kinda difficult.   It'd be okay if it was just like a minute but it's been like 10 minutes, okay we just talked about the world cup and now she's gone...she's really nice though!  I'm just not good at hearing through the latin accent.

Fuck sorry for these asides but they are happening right now so maybe that makes them important?  

They took me off IV fluids yesterday, I can almost stand up perfectly straight.  I stepped on a scale this morning:

Hopefully this is the least I will ever weigh ever again.  For a guy that's 6 feet tall I'm pretty slim right now.  Looking forward to just living on a couch for a week and digging into some ice cream.  Not looking forward to possibly shitting my pants a bunch of times, but the walk to the bathroom is only a few feet at home anyway so hopefully I'll make it every time!

Here is what I ate yesterday, the first day I was allowed to have solids:

AND LAST BUT NOT FUCKING LEAST.

Nice.  

Life is looking really awesome right now.  New computer, new house, NEW CAR WHAT.  My sister came by the hospital yesterday in this ol' bad boy.  

Awesome awesome awesome 2009 Honda Ciciv Hybrid.  So excited, my family rules.  All it took was  5 hospitalizations which time-wise probably add up to a total of 2 months, excessive vomiting and pain, 2 surgeries, a colonoscopy and ileoscopy, probably about 80 needles, extreme stomach pain, a torn bowel and serious internal infection, 23 inches of my intestines cut out and thrown away,  4 NG tubes shoved down my nose, probably 3 or 4 catscans, a dozen xrays, and small bowel series, lots of morphine, painkillers, crying, stress, family arguments, and lots of sitting on the toilet pulling the hair out of my head, 28 staples in my abdomen, having a shitbag for like 5 months, being confined to a bed for about another month at home, not being able to really walk right for a month, a few lubed fingers of grown men in my asshole, losing like 30 pounds and struggling with my weight, not eating real food for probably a month, drinking 2 glasses of laxative metamucil every day, most likely hundreds of pills and counting, and a whole bunch of other bullshit, and I'm only 18! 

Just kidding, I don't even feel sorry for myself for a second, that would be pathetic and defeat the whole purpose of this blog.  I just want to try and justify how spoiled I am right now hahaha because my life is fucking awesome.  Be jealous because I wouldn't give up what I do for anything.  I have the best family in the fucking world and you can't have them!  I've been through a lot but it can't ever justify how lucky I really am to have such great people in my life, and having awesome friends also helps.

I'm think I'm done being a "sick" kid for a while now though.  I mean these next few weeks are gonna be rough but after that I feel like I'm kinda turning the page to another chapter in my life.  Not like I'm putting all of this shit behind me and forgetting about it because that I would NEVER do that, but so many things have changed this past year it's practically impossible to just resume the regular life I was living, and that's probably for the better because I had some really shitty habits.  I'm going to start exercising, really eating right, and start putting myself before everything else at times when it comes to my health.  

I am a bit concerned, because I really don't know what I'm going to write about from now on.  I'm sure I will still find a bunch of things, I like writing these, but I don't wanna turn this into me being full of myself and writing about "my thoughts" and "feelings" that shit's kinda pretentious I think haha even though I am obviously still doing that to some extent.  I am planning on still keeping this blog called the same thing, because even though I don't have an ostomy bag anymore, I'm still a pretty grimy kid hahaha.  Doesn't mean I'm not a nice person!  I'm just a little gross.  

Today is my mom's birthday so I'm really glad to be going home today.  My birthday is next week!

Thanks to all of my friends who have been reading this and being really supportive, or anyone who has even looked at this or posted it anywhere or anything.  It's really fucking cool and this thing has really helped me get through these past few months.  It's hard to really tell people about it when I can't really tweet or facebook status update hahaha.

I'll post in a few days as soon as some cool shit happens...

Tonight on iCarly sam's "twin sister" goes on a date with Freddie, I can't wait.

Ow fuck okay gotta go shit again ttyl.