Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Hollow Weiner

I was an aerobics instructor, which is a little ironic because I was having a pretty hard time starting to exercise hahaha. I've gotten a little better at it now though, once you get into the swing of things it just becomes routine.

I had stomach cramps a few weeks ago but it was pretty much due to my seatbelt breaking after I bottomed out and somehow made the tension on it way too tight. It already went away even though fucking Honda lied to me and said they would call me tuesday once they got the part in. It is now Sunday and they still haven't fucking called me.

The first thing you think when you shit your pants is never really "Oh man I really have to go get my camera now and take a picture this looks sick". I used to have that mindset when I was in the hospital all the time and had the camera right next to my bed, but now that I'm out, I had to make a judgement call if waddling to my bedroom with my shitty underwear around my ankles was worth it. Unfortunately I made the better call and just took care of the situation, even though I looked at it after and saw like egg chunks in my underwear it was sick.

This "first instinct" rule also applies to when you go to wipe your ass and check to see what shade of brown your shit is that day, and you see a completely undigested blueberry on the toilet paper from the blueberry bagel you ate earlier that day. You don't really think "OH MAN PHOTO OP" you're kinda just like "aw man, thats fucking sick". It didn't really taste like a blueberry the second time around either, idk it still def looked like one though.

Kinda reminds me of when I used to eat clams with my ostomy bag and then I would just spew out chewed shit-soaked-soggy clams from my stoma. I def wish I could have filmed that when it happened, which was whenever I ate clams haha. Sometimes I would have to like kinda pull them out with toilet paper it was gross. I also remember eating buffalo wings and them giving me spewing volcano stream poop squirts, that was also pretty sick.

I shaved my beard, which automatically makes everything I say/do less creepy and more young and innocent, look :

Marley thinks he's a fucking cat just in case you never met him.

I have a very attractive sexy-appealing video in the works I'll try and post it by the end of this week!

1 comment:

  1. Hey, I've been following your blog for quite some time now. sorry, I should've left a comment sooner. Congrats on the successful surgery.
    I love how honest you are especially about the nuclear 'holy-shit' farts that Crohns' can give.
    Thank Fords I'm not the only one who gets them.
    Smells like something crawled up into the ass and died, don't they.
    I follow you, mainly because you live here in NJ, so do I. Except I am a mom, with 2 kids your age. thankfully they don't have Crohn's.
    keep posting, Jayne