Tuesday, July 28, 2009

chocolate rain


Diarrhea is pouring out of my asshole right now like so serious.  Chocolate Tropical rainstorms...I guess it is a relief considering I just ate a good amount of sushi and I was afraid the same constipation probably I ran into last week would happen again.  That problem eased up after a few days, I really think that Arnica Montana supplement helped.  The swelling looked really ridiculousthatpicture I posted didn't really do it justice you needed to see it from like a bird's eye view...the right si
e of my stomach jutted out like at least an inch and a half compared to the right side.  It was really scary actually, I had another dream that I was in the hospital about to get surgery again it sucked, I think the kid from heavyweights was in the room also with a bunch of other kids and they were all about to get the same surgery.   There's been a few times when the whole marijuana thing worked against me, it gave me serious worries about how I was going to get sick again a few times and that was no fun, I think this dream might have been after one of those times.

When I was all swollen last week I kinda just lied around and didn't eat because I was afraid...those are like the two things you are NOT supposed to do.  Even if it's scary to eat, like you kinda need to, it helps push the other shit out.  And even if you feel week or hurt a little you gotta walk it helps move everything around.  I was really good at walking a lot in the hospital I don't know why I assumed once I was home I could just be a bum and watch spongebob all day.

Done pooping...I could take a picture but I feel like no one really wants to see my shit maybe that's taking it too far?  I mean it was just all black murky water anyways.  The other day I did eat corn though and it all came out pretty much how it went in, but also caked in shit.  My butthole feels okay actually, it was really itchy after I pooped but besides that it wasn't so bad.  

I'm down to one pill a day, just my 50mg of 6mp.  Finally off of fucking steroids I'm really happy about that, they aren't great to be on forever they thin your bones out and shit, and I was on them like for like at least two months out of this year.  I've been feeling really good actually it's weird, I've felt well enough to play drums a few days at the beginning of this week.  I mean...the doctor said "I wouldn't do any strenuous physical activity and I usually tell my patients not to lift more than 8 pounds."  But he wasn't my actual surgeon he was like an associate.  I mean he's a good guy for sure, but my other surgeon is just like "don't do anything that hurts or doesn't feel right to your body", which I think is definitely a better guideline to go by.  

My sleep schedule has been fucked lately, I've been awake from like 1pm into the 3-5ams recently this week, I'm not sure if it's me reverting back to the hospital ways of being woken up so early, or if it's just me PARTYIN all summer.  Either way it's a bummer because I have started working again!  Which is cool I think but I gotta get my sleeping schedule back on track.  

Besides the diarrhea I'm not really sick anymore, and the swelling still I guess.  Hopefully the Crohn's won't really come back for a while, or EVER that would be nice.  I'm still not eating meat, I was really craving like a burger the other day but I'll be okay for a few months I think.  Sushi is like one of my favorite foods and eating it made me feel like I could resist meat for a little longer, I still would like to go to Red Lobster soon or something  I'm afraid to drink soda again since that time I went to Chipotle, I'm sure it didn't help.  I'm probably better off without soda anyway.  But what I'm saying is that I DONT FUCKING KNOW WHAT TO WRITE ABOUT.  I'm not really a complainer so I can't even play up the sick thing because it'd just be wah-wah for no reason.

Today I took a shit in my dad's office and we were out of toilet paper, so I had to sit and wait for like 10 minutes f0r them to find some.  While I was waiting I looked under the sink and found a mouse stuck to a glue trap.  Me being a vagina/hippie I decided to take him after I pooped, pull him off the glue trap, rinse him off on the sidewalk so the glue comes off, put him in a box, bring him to my house and give him peanut butter and a cracker, and then take him to the woods by me and release him.  I don't even know if mouses fucking live in the woods, or if they like peanut butter, but everyone likes peanut butter I feel like so whatever.  Anyway, none of this probably mattered because one of the mouse's legs seemed to be a little broken because it wasn't using it and hopping/rolling around...and to top that off it fucking rained so hard today that I'm sure he drowned in the stream I placed him by or something.

Ok ttyl guests are here.

Okay I'm back shitting my brains out again!  We are in the process of making brownies.  But I'm glad that while we were eating sushi today I stopped like halfway through the meal because if I kept eating it would have been bad news.  It's hard being Italian and not eating insane amounts of food...but I can't really chalk up the gluttony thing to my culture that is way too cheap, every culture kinda revolves around food.  I think it's more of the human thing haha people like to eat.  But my family is really all about the food, hence the bakery and everything and we certainly don't have great eating habits.  My dad prefers the shovel shit into my mouth method, and is all about late night snacking at the fridge and putting his fingers in the peanut butter.  Not bad talking him I love that guy, but it's hard to pace yourself when the person you're eating with is mouth-raping his food.

Okay time to wipe and I'm not going to touch the keyboard after that, I'm not that grimy.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Live from...





That's right, TOILET UPDATE!  I've been bringing my laptop in with me to the bathroom for whenever I poop because it's a good way to kill time.  Usually once I feel the urge to go it comes out pretty quick, but then there's always a second cramp wave that comes a little after that if I catch I can get some more poop out.  I ate a tuna sandwich last night, and it reeks like tuna in here, but I guess it's better than it reeking like shit.  

My stomach is swollen still on the right side where the ostomy used to be.  I'm not sure if it got better or worse, but I'm still pooping so I guess I can't really complain.  I'm actually worried because I've been pooping on a normal schedule, and I feel like that's way to soon for that to be happening.  It's most likely normal because the poop is probably having a hard time getting through the swollen part, but whenever I eat it tends to push the old poop out so it's okay.

I just picked up some Arnica Montana from GNC, which is some like homeopathic treatment which should help reduce the swelling.  Hopefully it works!  It might take a few days but I got no rush.  I got my staples taken out yesterday and I asked about the swelling and he said it is normal, most likely some blood clotting or a little adhesions or inflammation.  My other doctor called today and wasn't really worried either, I guess I'm the only person really worried!  Blood clots are more likely in people that smoke so there's a reason that it's stupid that I do smoke.

I actually was really worried all day and the night before too.  I had another dream where I was in a room with a bunch of other guys and we were all about to get surgery and I didn't understand why I needed to get it again it.  I guess I'm just really worried because things are going pretty well and I'm used to some petty bullshit happening.  This swelling has started to ease up a little I think and I'm still def pooping at least twice a day so I can't really have any complaints.

Here's what my franken-tummy looks like now, you can kinda see the swollen-tenderness on my right side:

And Yes, that is a BAITHING SUIT.  I'm going swimming!  Or I'm about to take a bath, either way I'm getting wet I guess, which I haven't really done since like Feb.  I'm pretty excited to be completely-submerged in water, even though I technically could have gone swimming with the bag I never did because it didn't really start getting nice out till recently.

By the way, I totally got denied when I asked if I can video-tape the staples out.  But it really was anti-climactic, it didn't really hurt.  Just watch staple removals on youtube, the guy who did mine (who also lanced my first rectal abscess) was really quick, it took like a minute and a half tops.  I asked if my mom could videotape, and he just laughed and said "no", which is probably better off because my mom was telling me she would pass out if she had to watch it.

My birthday was great, my sister got engaged and the whole weekend-into this week was a really nice time.  I should be seeing both my surgeon and my GI doctor within two weeks so hopefully that will go over well.  I am starting the 6MP again as of today and I am down to 10mg of Prednisone, tomorrow I'll start 5 for a few days and then I'll be done.  I just pooped a little again!


Friday, July 17, 2009

butt burn

Yesterday was the worst day in regards to butt burn.  I'm lucky enough to have a shower right next to my toilet, sometimes after I poop I'll just jump right in and spread my shit like a cop was about to do a cavity search or something haha.  I'm not sure why I thought it was a good idea to eat a veg burrito from Chipotle yesterday, resulted in bad bad diarrhea.  After we went to Chipotle me and my cousins went to Barnes and Noble, (where I blew up the toilet), then Rite-Aid where I got some new tools.  Meet my new friends:


Some Indian lady that worked at Rite-Aid was grillin me when she saw me carrying all these things.  I took notice and yelled across an aisle or two to my cousins "Yo guys, do you know where the other stuff for my hemorrhoids is?"  No shame.

After I ate the burrito from Chipotle I had like two episodes of diarrhea then I felt constipated for like 14 hours which was really scary because I've been pooping really frequently.  Fortunately when I woke up I went and it was actually really solid which is cool because my butt got a break.

But, after those two diarrhea episodes I decided I should maybe try to shave my butt a little.  Besides the occasional finger from your mom, there was really no activity going on down there when I had the bag besides the bi/tri-weekly poop, so I really had no reason to be maintaining the gardening.  I hope I'm not the only guy who would regularly shave the innards of his ass.  Wow this blog is really going downhill.

I had no razors in my new bathroom besides this fucking awful one from the hospital...I still decided to go for it:

Probably not the best kind of razor to use on such an irritated area, but I had to get the job done, it was like impossible to apply any ointment with all of that mess going on.  Seriously though, I felt like Teddy Roosevelt hackin' his way through the jungle across the Panama Canal or some shit.  Only instead of the Panama Canal it was my gooch!  

So most of the early part of today (Friday) I was a little uncomfortable from the poop pressure/constipation, so even after I pooped I decided to not really eat until dinner time.  This kinda just made me feel weak and shitty all day but I was really afraid I was gonna have a problem if I ate anything.  Eventually I had a veggie burger, they rule.  This is a meal I made for breakfast the other day yum:
Veggie burger, organic eggs & toast, tofu cheese, and some organic ketchup.  Idk why I have all this hippie food in my fridge, my mom supplied me with all of it!  But it really tastes fine so I will probably keep eating it even once I feel good enough to go shopping for my own food.  I also just ate a boca-meatless chicken patty a few hours ago and it was DELISH.

This is going to be a great weekend.  Fucking Spongbob marathon all weekend, even at night.  Like it's on right now I'm probably going to watch it after I finish writing this!  10 new episodes on sun too!  Party for my BIRTHDAY in a few hours.  

I think Buster knew it was my birthday because a little bit after midnight me and Marley were on the couch and he decided to do this and help create the funniest picture ever (no homo): 


Next week they are taking out my staples!  I'm gonna try to video-tape it, I found a bunch of videos of people getting them taken out on youtube so I think they'll let me hopefully.  It's not supposed to hurt really which rules, just tug a little.  They feel okay no, they're still a little irritated by the waistband but it's not so bad, I'll only have them for a few more days anyway.

Monday, July 13, 2009

home sweet home

It feels good to be home, it really does.  Just to be moved into a new house, with like all new awesome shit, and WIRELESS INTERNET (something I have never had in my house and am so stoked about), things are looking pretty good.  

Between today and yesterday my poop has started to come out more solid in little meatball-like nuggets.


Not too bad!  Still when I get the urge to go I freeze because I'm not sure if I should make a run for the toilet or hold it in and let it pass a little before trying to make a move.  So far I have not shit my pants even a little bit, and my butthole feels pretty okay!  Having wipes is a big help too.  Gotta love those medicated hemorrhoidal/vaginal hygienic cleansing pads.  They keep my butt fresh, and keep my vagina even fresher!  Even when I use one pad for both spots!  Ew alright sorry.


Okay so this is going to be hard to explain but I will give it a shot.  

My first night home sleeping in bed, I kept having nightmares about how I was back in the hospital.  It happened in several dreams, and in every dream the reasoning was "You're not shitting, you gotta go to the hospital".  I'm chalking this up to my brain being so used to my body constantly shitting, and since that no longer happens my brain was probably a little confused.  Also the fact that the bag isn't there probably confused me too.  These dreams were really awful, who the fuck wants to be back in the hospital ever?  Especially when you think you're fine.  Fortunately, I woke up in the morning very very very very relieved.  I seriously thought some awful shit happened again it was a scary night.

Not as "scary"...or interesting at least as the next night.  My discharge instructions from the hospital were very simple, I was going home on no medications really, besides the prednisone which we decided that we were going to taper off even though there is no Crohn's left in me.  One guy said don't taper just stop completely, someone else said take 20mg or 30mg for the weekend at least and then talk to my actual GI doctor and figure out a plan.  I actually just made up my own tapering plan and ran it by my doctor today and he said it was fine.  I know my shit duh, it's not really hard to do.

Okay so as the nurse is reading me my going home instructions, she asks "do you smoke?"  Of course me having no shame "yeah I smoke weed, I have Crohn's" blah blah.  But I knew that smoking slows down the healing process so I agreed to not do it until I'm feeling much better and able to.  BUT.  No one said anything about baking weed into a cake!


More like teenagescumbag...seriously!  I'll try no to just talk about how I'm a stoner all the time because I really don't think I am that much but it seems like whenever I update this thing I'm talking about crazy marijuana antics.  Then again weed is arguably a key factor in someone with a stomach disease's life.  It depends how you look at it, I'm not gonna be the fucking hippy justifying my smoking with scientific facts, but I'm not going to say that it doesn't help because it definitely does.  But, let's also point out that I am having NO stomach pains at all right now, they actually labeled me "Crohn's free" from when they saw my insides at the surgery.  That doesn't mean I'm free of the disease, statistically it eventually comes back...but still I am in great shape.  

There was no other reason for me to be under the influence of marijuana besides me just wanting to haha.   I was smart enough to pass up on the few offers to smoke already, because I am trying to get better, but I'm also just trying to have a good time still!  Shit, I am pretty much living inside for a few weeks anyway might as  well make it a little more interesting.

That being said, I never tried weed-cooking and when my friends were telling me how much more serious it is when you actually try it, maybe I should have actually believed them.  I was so gone like really ridiculous.  Enough of that though, I will just say that ironically this situation ended up doing some harm to me and my situation.  Because I had the fucking giggles all night, I was actually a little sore today from laughing so hard.  

Hey, if it makes me seem like any less of a recreational-drug abuser, I will take this opportunity to point out that in the hospital after they took me off of Morphine and onto Percocets orally, I took NONE.  So after the first day of recovering from surgery, I took no pain medication at all.  I do kinda have high pain tolerance, but I also figured as long as my blood pressure wasn't really high like it was the day before I didn't really need to take any pain-killers.  Really I probably could've taken them and they would've only helped me relax maybe and heal, but I felt fine.  And I really don't fucking like oral painkillers, even though morphine through an IV is pretty much stronger juice, once I felt like I didn't need anything I didn't take it.

And even though I was totally not coherent, I watched what I ate though of course, I'm not going to be the fucking idiot eating two cheeseburgers EVER again.  In fact, I still haven't eaten any meat.  Just a bunch of tofu cheese sandwiches, and lots of shrimp and pasta.  I'm planning on keeping it up for a while and maybe eventually introducing chicken if I feel the need to.  But I have no desire to as of now, and I'm usually pretty good at committing to something once I start it...I'm just not great at starting something haha.

So I was a little achy today (monday), but it wasn't even much worse so I can't really complain.  I also woke up still fucked up, and spent 10am from 2:30pm on the couch watching cartoons and napping/zoning.  I came to around 3pm and then spent the rest of the day writing music, and watching some more sweet nickelodeon.  I can't figure out why I have gotten so into spongebob squarepants, but it's great.  And no, I started watching it before I started smoking all the time.  Spongebob was on the TV today for at least 3 or 4 hours haha.  Plus iCarly gotta love it.  

My staples feel okay, they're a little irritated towards the bottom from my waistband rubbing on them, so as a result I am sleeping pantless/underwear-less in bed.  Something I used to do at home anyway, not a big deal, as long as Buster doesn't decide to throw a punch or something.  

This reminds me of the time I was recovering from a perianal abcess and Buster stretched his paw out directly into my asshole.  Fuck that was so awful.

I'm recovering pretty fast.  For almost being able to make completely solid shit not even a week after surgery is a great thing.  I've heard horror stories about awful diarrhea and pains and I'm glad none of it is happening to me besides the sudden urge to shit.  I'm only going probably like 4-7 times a day which is fine already!  

MY BIRTHDAY IS SATURDAY.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

I NEED A BIDET

One of these:
I mean I can't really complain...at least everything is working to a degree.  They put me on solids yesterday and I've been eating and the stomach pain has been very tolerable up until I feel the sudden urge to take squirt out a pint of chocolate syrup.

FUCK I JUST HALF SNEEZED OUCH.

The incision and stapling gets staggeringly better every day, I guess today my lungs feel like they can expand enough to sneeze.  That wasn't too bad I guess but it was very very scary. 

Okay so like I was sayin, poop has been coming out.  Probably after I eat something it comes out in like twenty minutes.  My bowels are still readjusting and getting used to absorbing things I guess but for now they're just squeezing stuff through.  I can try to hold it on and I can probably for an hour or two if I am laying down, but I will feel some bubbling and discomfort so it's better just to not even bother.  Probably in the past 2 days I've gone like 12 times.  Gone through like 2 and a half packs of wipes.  Burning butt blisters are really inevitable but I'm going to try to prolong it for as long as I can.  A bidet would really be handy!  Here's what my first shit, and pretty much all of them look like.  By the way, I feel like I'm fucking 2 again:

"Joey's first doodie out of his fanny into the potty yay!  Take a picture!"   

The lady who cleans the room is talking to me right now and I really don't know what she is saying but I am trying to agree to the parts she sounds like she feels positive about but it's really kinda difficult.   It'd be okay if it was just like a minute but it's been like 10 minutes, okay we just talked about the world cup and now she's gone...she's really nice though!  I'm just not good at hearing through the latin accent.

Fuck sorry for these asides but they are happening right now so maybe that makes them important?  

They took me off IV fluids yesterday, I can almost stand up perfectly straight.  I stepped on a scale this morning:


Hopefully this is the least I will ever weigh ever again.  For a guy that's 6 feet tall I'm pretty slim right now.  Looking forward to just living on a couch for a week and digging into some ice cream.  Not looking forward to possibly shitting my pants a bunch of times, but the walk to the bathroom is only a few feet at home anyway so hopefully I'll make it every time!

Here is what I ate yesterday, the first day I was allowed to have solids:


AND LAST BUT NOT FUCKING LEAST.
Nice.  

Life is looking really awesome right now.  New computer, new house, NEW CAR WHAT.  My sister came by the hospital yesterday in this ol' bad boy.  

Awesome awesome awesome 2009 Honda Ciciv Hybrid.  So excited, my family rules.  All it took was  5 hospitalizations which time-wise probably add up to a total of 2 months, excessive vomiting and pain, 2 surgeries, a colonoscopy and ileoscopy, probably about 80 needles, extreme stomach pain, a torn bowel and serious internal infection, 23 inches of my intestines cut out and thrown away,  4 NG tubes shoved down my nose, probably 3 or 4 catscans, a dozen xrays, and small bowel series, lots of morphine, painkillers, crying, stress, family arguments, and lots of sitting on the toilet pulling the hair out of my head, 28 staples in my abdomen, having a shitbag for like 5 months, being confined to a bed for about another month at home, not being able to really walk right for a month, a few lubed fingers of grown men in my asshole, losing like 30 pounds and struggling with my weight, not eating real food for probably a month, drinking 2 glasses of laxative metamucil every day, most likely hundreds of pills and counting, and a whole bunch of other bullshit, and I'm only 18! 

Just kidding, I don't even feel sorry for myself for a second, that would be pathetic and defeat the whole purpose of this blog.  I just want to try and justify how spoiled I am right now hahaha because my life is fucking awesome.  Be jealous because I wouldn't give up what I do for anything.  I have the best family in the fucking world and you can't have them!  I've been through a lot but it can't ever justify how lucky I really am to have such great people in my life, and having awesome friends also helps.

I'm think I'm done being a "sick" kid for a while now though.  I mean these next few weeks are gonna be rough but after that I feel like I'm kinda turning the page to another chapter in my life.  Not like I'm putting all of this shit behind me and forgetting about it because that I would NEVER do that, but so many things have changed this past year it's practically impossible to just resume the regular life I was living, and that's probably for the better because I had some really shitty habits.  I'm going to start exercising, really eating right, and start putting myself before everything else at times when it comes to my health.  

I am a bit concerned, because I really don't know what I'm going to write about from now on.  I'm sure I will still find a bunch of things, I like writing these, but I don't wanna turn this into me being full of myself and writing about "my thoughts" and "feelings" that shit's kinda pretentious I think haha even though I am obviously still doing that to some extent.  I am planning on still keeping this blog called the same thing, because even though I don't have an ostomy bag anymore, I'm still a pretty grimy kid hahaha.  Doesn't mean I'm not a nice person!  I'm just a little gross.  

Today is my mom's birthday so I'm really glad to be going home today.  My birthday is next week!

Thanks to all of my friends who have been reading this and being really supportive, or anyone who has even looked at this or posted it anywhere or anything.  It's really fucking cool and this thing has really helped me get through these past few months.  It's hard to really tell people about it when I can't really tweet or facebook status update hahaha.

I'll post in a few days as soon as some cool shit happens...

Tonight on iCarly sam's "twin sister" goes on a date with Freddie, I can't wait.

Ow fuck okay gotta go shit again ttyl.


Thursday, July 9, 2009

NO PAIN NO GAIN

...At least that's the way I always feel, but it's not always the case.  Your body needs to be in kinda of a relaxed state to be able to heal well.  Unfortunately, (but sometimes fortunately?) my pain tolerance is really high so I never feel like I'm in a lot of pain and that it could always be worse.  It's cool because I'm never really miserable, but I guess I should try and tune in and be a little more sympathetic to my body sometimes.


This is my morphine dispenser, if you push the button it will give you 1mg of morphine.  The max limit you could press the button is once every 10 minutes.   After my surgery on Tuesday I woke up and pushed my morphine button about 6 times before up until like 8PM, and I got a shot of dilaudin (no that's not what MJ got) when I woke up.  Once I was in the room I was tolerating the pain fine and I didn't even really think about even pushing the button until the next day.  

By like 2PM the next day I only pushed it like twice more, and once was actually my mom pushing it once by accident when we got up to walk haha.  They took my catheter out yesterday morning and I began peeing normally like an our or two after it was out.  A few minutes after they took it out, we got up to walk for the first time.  They wanted me walking at least four times a day which is what I did, but I did a pretty serious amount of laps every time so I def was trying to push myself.  It was a little painful of course, but compared to my last surgery this is a walk in the park haha.  I'm still a little weak and I haven't passed anything from my butt, but as I was walking I felt some gurgling/intestines waking up and I started burping.  

Every time the nurses came in they took my vitals and my blood pressure was really high, usually my systolic number (top number) was over 140 and eventually was over 150.  I was still feeling fine but they said that number is usually your body responding to pain and that I should try and take some more.  Once a doctor came in too and told me the same thing I started doing it a little more.   I was trying to save it for when the pain got worse because the last time it took 3 days for all the anaesthesia to flush out of my body and then after that I was in way more pain...but I don't really think that will happen this time, or at least not as severe.  

Also, morphine slows down your digestive tract a little bit so I figured if I wasn't in dire need of it then I wouldn't take it.  But once my head started getting a little heavy and I got a little headache from the blood pressure I decided to start taking some more shots.  I'm still only up to 25 now, and they're taking me off of it today since they're putting me on liquids and now I can take percocets by mouth...not really a fan of percocet but I'll take them if I gotta I guess, trying to be a tough guy doesn't really help the situation. 

My surgeon came in like an hour ago and took my padding off and then proceeded to poke around for a few minutes.  I felt like he was throwing jabs at my stomach haha but I guess he just wanted to make sure everything was alright:



Looks pretty sweet!  Gotta love that nice shave job they did haha.  He told me to just watch the area on the right where the stoma was for like oozing or extra pain because that means it's infected and that is no good.  Where the fuck did my bellybutton go?  They said I'll probably have a little one afterwards haha I guess we'll see.  The plan as of now is to start me on liquids today, see how that goes, and then gradually advance my diet.  They were talking about maybe even sending me home this weekend which would be sick.  They said they'll probably take these staples out in like two weeks, that's going to be some serious shit haha, we'll see how that goes when the time comes.

They just took my blood pressure and it's pretty much back to normal so that's a good sign!  I'm gonna take it real easy with the liquids so my stomach doesn't freak out and I don't puke, so hopefully that will work out.

Can't wait for the frequent battery acid diarrhea I've been reading so much about!

Side note:  Yesterday on full house Danny Tanner kissed DJ's spanish teacher.  And this morning on Saved by the Bell, Zack's father kissed Miss Bliss.  Both relationships did not work out.  Also yesterday Sabrina the teenage witch farted.  iCarly's brother joined a rock band but got kicked out.  Spongebob did a bunch of typical spongebob shit,  And Victoria Stilwell turned two people's canine relationships around on Animal Planet's new hit series "It's Me or The Dog"

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

That's it?



Really?  Hahaha alright I guess.  Easiest shit ever, and this pain compared to the perf. bowel ileostomy surgery is like 15 percent if even that.  My surgeon didn't even feel that the NG tube was necessary!  This is really awesome and weird.  Even better news was that I was expecting to be more than just 4cm of intestines inflamed, but that was it!  Nothing else so they barely cut anything.   

I can't take complete breaths yet really but if  I used spirometer it'd def be at least 150 compared to the weak 75 last time I got surgery.  I'll try and do it soon and write the number as soon as they bring it in.

(WOW NVM 2000 ML COMFORTABLY HOLY SHIT)

OH MAN I SAW MY DICK with the foley catheter in it, shit looks nuts!  My mom would not let me take a picture and post it though, which I'm not sure if I would even do anyway hahaha...sorry kids!

In the operating room I was just chillin, I was in a pretty light mood, just hanging out watching them shave me and  some light jokes.  Then they put me out and then I woke up!   I wasn't nearly as goofy as I was yesterday when I woke up, but I still really couldn't keep my eyes open for a few hours.

I'm so glad right now that everything went well and I get to catch a break for little!  Thank you so much everyone who kept in their thoughts, or prayed or whatever you did.  The surgery went perfect as of now and I haven't run into any complications yet.  

Here's what I look like THIS time compared to having a gaping vagina on my stomach.




Okay I'm gonna go nap or go to sleep, I'm pretty tired.  RIP SHITBAG.

Surgery TODAY


Woo!

Okay quick update, yesterday my colonoscopy/ileoscopy went fine obviously, I wasn't really worried.  I just woke up a little fucked up from the anesthesia but after five minutes of making talking baby gibberish I was fine.  My dad brought my down to earth a little when he wiped my face down with a cold rag...not the best way to wake up.




















I stepped on a scale before my procedure...keep in mind I was like 163 two weeks ago (unless my scale was broken)...but not eating for two weeks will help you shed off all that fatty tissue!

I guess they were a little behind at the doctor's office yesterday because everything seemed a little rushed, that could also just be there wasn't much to say which I guess was a good thing.  The 
colonoscopy showed that I have a healthy colon and the ileoscopy only showed like 4 cm of inflammation which is expected from having the ileostomy surgery.  That being said, the doctor thinks there is something else going on that he couldn't really get to or see, so we're kinda just gonna go with my surgeon's "fuck it, we'll do it live" plan.  

My dad was in the room up until like two minutes before and then they kicked him out haha, I guess it wasn't going to be possible to get any footage.  Here's me like a few minutes before:

























And here's me a few minutes after...


Wrecked....the first thing I hear waking up is a song I've been writing playing in my head, neat!  The procedure was fine, apparently you can get shit shoved an your ass when you're put out and not even feel anything after!  Makes me feel great about being put under anasthetics.  I asked my doctor if the ileoscopy is usually a big procedure and he said they usually don't even put you out for that but since they're doing a double whammy they might as well.  I woke up with a bag full of air, I guess because they were sticking stuff in it, but besides that I felt fine.  

After the procedure me and my dad went to hit the streets when my surgeon's office calls and asks if we wanted to do the surgery tomorrow...after lots of yelling/contemplating what to do we decide the best thing to do is just do the surgery asap and get everything over with kinda.    Being on liquids for two more days would just make me lose more weight, and then if I ran into problems I'd just have to go back in and be put on bowel rest again anyway so we figured we should just do it.  I had a funeral I really would have liked to have gone to but my whole family was of course very understanding and just wanting me to just get better.  I missed a wedding last week too, fuck. 

I still have some unanswered questions but they are just making me anticipating surgery more.  Not really being afraid is a nice feeling.  Plus the cool thing about anesthesia is that is doesn't fucking care if you're afraid anyways..once you get it you're sleepin.

I'm not really sure if I will be able to write anything else write after the surgery, but tomorrow I should be up and walking so hopefully I can type somethin' up.  

My new preference point for IV is the inside of the elbow so they just stuck me there, and actually as of now it's still kinda easy to type but we'll see how many days it holds up for!  i just didn't wanna get stuck in the hand again even though I don't really mind that much it's just gross for a second.

My surgery is scheduled for 1:30PM so they had me coming in at 12, but my surgeon is anticipating finishing his first surgery faster than the hospital is thinking (cause he's the FUCKING MAN) so he had me come in at 9am to chill a little.   

(update 1: okay it's 12:25 and still no sign of anything)
(update 2: okay 12:30 signing stuff bbl)

Usually for ileostomy reversal surgeries you're only in the hospital for about a week, which will be a walk in the park compared to the two and a half weeks after my last surgery.   Of course it's still surgery so I'm going to be banged up but hopefully it won't be so bad, I just hope they put the catheter in AFTER I'm asleep.  If anything I'll just revert to my masochist ways though, and I'll be fine.  

I'm excited to be out for my birthday!  (JULY 18th BRING ME PRESENTS).

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Breakin Free

So my doc came in today and decided that even though I probably cou go home today, it would be better to just stay here just in case I have a hard time so we don't have to go back and forth and then end up just checked in the same day because that would be a bummer.  I totally understood where he was coming from, I like it here haha so I don't really mind.  That still didn't really stop me from leaving during the day at least though!  Here are some pictures from my day




If you don't know, my parents own a bakery.  Sucks to be the kids with Crohn's!  Haha nah I still pretty much eat all my favorite things anyway.  My first time I went to visit my regular doctor he asked "how do you stay so skinny with your parents and that bakery!"  And I remember just saying "Oh...I have Crohn's."  I didn't mean to sound like a dick-head but it probably came off that way haha...whatever they were just like "oh, man".  I like that doctor he's a good guy, he actually told me to write a book.  I think I mentioned that before, it's the same guy.

So me and my family have been in the process of moving into a new house, which has been going on for the past week about.  Bad timing really being in the hospital, but there's not really such thing as good timing for this shit to happen anyway!  After the bakery we decided to check up on my mom and dogs at the new house.  It's really awesome there and I'm excited to be sleeping there tomorrow.

Me and my mom.  Love her to death.    

Me and FUCKING BUSTER.  

After the trip to the bakery and my house we decided to head back.  Don't wanna be sketchy guy for too long, they probably know we leave anyways.  They probably know why I tend to reek like weed sometimes too, I guess it's okay haha.  Plus I'm not really getting a lot of nutrients/calories so I'm not trying to burn myself out.

Then a few hours ago we hit the streets of New Bruns after coming in and napping for a few hours at the hospital and being visited and hanging out with family outside.  My younger cousins actually surprised me and came to visit.  Anyone familiar with the RWJ children's hospital (still 18!) knows that there's a fountain in front with a bunch of children statues playing in the water.  My cousins were pretending to be statues and I didn't even realize they were there haha it was adorable.  After the fam left me and my dad went out for a little while.



Good day.

They took me off IV this morning but since I have a double scope tomorrow I asked if they can put me on IV fluids again to help avoid this wretched cottonmouth.  But once she checked and got the pass we saw my IV and it was tender with swelling, and I didnt really feel like getting stuck again, especially since I have to for those tests tom and can't just leave it in since I'm technically being sent home.  I only got so many good veins I'm trying to save them!

Excited for tomorrow, most likely will update tomorrow night as long as I have internet at the new home.  Going to try to update more often but I'd hate to be the boring ass guy just talking about bullshit!  I'll just post more pictures that way I don't have to use words as much.

K cya.

Yum



So I actually passed a bunch of food without them having to stick the tube in!  Which is good news I think.  At least we know I can pass things so I feel a little better about being sent home tomorrow.  My intestines are still definitely swollen because it takes like 8 hours of stomach gurgling/pressure for something to come out, but then usually once comes out a bunch more does.  After I ate that delicious green ice it took like half a day for it to all come out, but then after that I had some other things to eat and it took a little less time so it is getting a little better.  I really only have to hold out until like Thursday anyway, that's when they're planning on doing my surgery!  I am excited, tomorrow I am getting sent home early and going into to NY for my illeoscopy and colonoscopy.  

I'm not really worried about my surgery at all, I'm glad I have a really tough surgeon because I feel like he is just like "LETS DO THIS MOTHERFUCKER".  I know I'm gonna be banged up, but most people tell me it's not as bad as it as when they actually do the illeostomy surgery, I guess we'll see.  I'm sure I'll be all hopped up on pain meds!

Oh man, which reminds me, when they came in to do blood-work yesterday I was like "so....are you guys testing my blood for drugs?"  No shame haha.  He was like "no we're not, why are you nervous?"  And I was just like "well...nah but my friends wanted to like bring a joint."  Couldn't say "my dad wanted to bring a joint" it just would make it even more awkward hahahaha.
I was only asking because I read on a Crohn's forum that if they're going to give you painkillers then there's a chance they might run a drug test on you to see if you are a "drug abuser" and then I think you just have to be under close watch or something?  I usually don't take pain killers as much as the normal-person anyway so I'm not that worried.  

Yesterday me and my dad went for a walk...around New Brunswick haha.  We just circled the block around the hospital, it's not like I feel really sick anyway so I was up for it.  Here's me by the end of Joyce Kilmer, which if you don't know is like a 10/15 minute walk from the Children's hospital.  


They took me off IV completely today, so who knows where I'll end up.  I'll be sure to bring my camera where I am haha.  I wanted to go running actually but they said maybe it's not a great idea because it would burn a lot of calories and it's not like I'm really getting a lot anyway.

Besides that, nothing much is really going on.  I've pretty much been here since June 20th minus the two and a half days in between.  But the good thing is that I've felt pretty okay for most of these days so I can't really complain.  I'm probably being more productive in here than I am at home sometimes, besides not going to work at all haha.  I think after my test on Monday I'm going to be home for a day or two until before my surgery.  I'm really glad it's not like serious emergency this time, everything is so less stressful and relaxed.  From now on I'm not really going to dick around as far as waiting to go to the doctor's, it doesn't really make sense to do and doesn't help anyone.  Last time I tried to be a tough guy, my bowel fucking perforated.  Ripped open and chilling and fevers and awful awful pain and infection.  Ouch.

Since I was smart this time I just get to kick back and enjoy the nice hospital and people and weather.  I'm really lucky to have awesome parents and a supportive group of family/friends too.  Here's a picture my mom sent me yesterday that made my day:

I'm going to try and bring my camera to NY tomorrow to see if there's any legal footage I can get of my ileoscopy and colonoscopy.  Both of these procedures I'm also not really worried about, idk I tend not to worry too much?  They know what they're doing haha.  Anyway hopefully he'll let my mom videotape him sticking a four to five foot camera on a wire up my asshole, and one down my stoma.  What rules about getting a Colonoscopy this time is there is no prep since I do not shit out of my butt really.  So no enemas or drinking gross laxatives or anything!  I think all I have to do is not eat before like midnight, but I'll prob stop eating a little earlier since I don't really know how blocked up I am and I don't want him to stick his camera into a bunch of shit, awkward!  Like him tube fucking (new favorite term) my butt isn't already awkward enough haha.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

JAIL TIME





Macs are really cool, but that just took like an hour to do upload those 5 pictures.  But that wasn't really the macs fault it was me having no idea what the fuck I  was doing haha.

No NG tube yet.  They decided to try a day of just liquids (which eventually turned into a day with NO liquids either) to see if the blockage will pass on it's own.  So far no and my doctor will be here in the morning early so I'm thinking I'll have it in for a day or something.  Boners!

I was brushing my teeth before and it tasted really good.  Like yumyum good so I kept brushing.  I'm glad toothpaste is flavored, that's my way of cheating anything into my mouth.  Plus it's barely any toothpaste anwyays the hospital stuff isn't that serious. Does anyone know if they make peanut buttered toothpaste holy shit that would be really delicious.  But I would probably just end up squeezing all of the tube into my mouth at once which would not be good.

Here are things that I am excited to eat, which by the way might not be for like two  weeks if I stay in here on IV into my reversal surgery hahaha that would be so fucking silly like some DAVID BLAINE shit fuckers.  But um things I will eventually eat (no not all at once, and chewed like 900 times.  and in all caps) are:

1) FUCKING SCALLOPS
2)peanut butter and jelly on a saltine cracker with maybe like a cherry on it holy fuck.
3)toothpaste oh wait 
4) GREEN APPLE VANILLA CUSTARD GELATI SOMEONE STOLE MINE AND I WAS ALLOWED TO HAVE IT THIS MORNING.
seriously I was gonna write on my blog last night about how I'm excited I have something in the fridge to look forward to even if its in like 3 weeks.   I ended up not writing it, but like 30 minutes later or a little after 6...I get up to walk around and check the fridge and my gelati isn't in there.  I even had a nice label printed on it with my name wtf.  This made me sad for the beginning part of the day.
5)SOY MILK AND VANILLA MARBLE FUDGE ICE CREAM|
6)lobsterlobsters.

I 18 and in a bed surrounded by a laptop and a camera and ipod and cell phone all on a roller-over-the-bed-counter.  I'm going to get one of these for my house.  Made out of chocolate.

The only thing that could make this better was if seinfeld was on right now be right back.  I guess two and a half man will suffice..

ARGH SHIT NO ITS ON FOX.  THERE'S A NAKED MAN ON THE SUBWAY.

It would be nice to be able to come home for a few days, my doctor said today if this blockage passes I can go home on a full liquid diet for like a week until my scope and illeoscopy.  That's like so many milkshakes and ice cream and snapple.  

I miss my dogs. 

RWJ 5

Okay it's really like RWJ 4 Cont...I was out of the hospital for about a day and a half before ending up back in this lovely place.  Those two days consisted of nothing more than me really going to a dog park, going out to eat with friends, and eating a little bit the next day.  After lunch the next day with my dad I noticed that there was no more ostomy output into the bag again and of course this made me a little bummed.  So I put on some gym shorts, got my fanny pack a pair of headphones and bottle of water and began running outside.   Hard.  I knew that would help break it up and as I was running I even started burping a little and tasting the food I ate in my mouth, but it didn't seem to help really.  

After about an hour to no avail I headed home and jumped in the shower.  I talked to my parents and we decided that the earlier I go in the better, and that we could probably go in before the puking starts and it won't be as hard.  I take a long shower to try and cool off and dreading the next few days of my life, not really because I was bummed about going to the hospital.  I mean obviously I was a little, but I can deal with hanging out in a bed with family, wireless internet, video games, friends, and tv.  It's actually sometimes more convenient than having to do that at home since I've been bumming off our neighbors' wireless internet for like a few months haha.  The reason I was really bummed was because I didn't want people to know I was back in here again only like 2 days later, I feel like I'm like letting down my family by making them worry about how I'm doing.

Keep in mind that once I was discharged from the hospital last week, I solely thought the problem was just a mechanical regular obstruction, like me not chewing my food enough.  So once I was out I kinda just assumed a normal eating diet because that's what they told me I could do.  Of course after eating a chicken parm sandwich without any output I started to think maybe something was up.  

As I'm walking out of the bathroom to get ready to head to the hospital, I hear a loud fart/pop come out of my stoma and poop starts oozing out.  This is the most relieving thing ever but I know I'm still not out of the clear really, so that night I eat half of a pbnj sandwich and a little tuna for dinner.  The next morning there is some ostomy output but not as much as I would have expected, so I take it easy and eat some applesauce for breakfast.  The day carries on and still no output, so I try the running/bike riding thing for a long time.  Then that night around 6 and still no output we decide we should  just go in to the hospital before it gets bad, I'm barely in pain so we figure we should go just to get the situation under control.  

I opt out of taking a catscan, basically because I got one the last week and the only thing it can really determine is if the problem is an obstruction again or something serious, and it was pretty obvious that it was the same thing that happened the week before.  What was a bummer that even though we came in early, I still needed the NG tube again.  Me trying to be a big guy and thinking I can handle anything, I ask the nurse how big the tube was and she tells me it's only 12mm in diameter.  The week before they gave me a 14mm and my visiting surgeon was complaining that it was too small for me and I should have like an 18mm in.  So I ask for one, and we find out it doesn't fit.  The hard way.  Ow ow.  They tried raping both of my nostrils and couldn't get it in, so we go with a 16mm tube, which actually felt way way worse than a 14mm which you wouldn't really expect.

So I'm hanging out in the hospital not in much pain and the obstruction breaks in about a day and half which was great.  The doctors decide they want to do a special kind of test on me called an enterography, which is like a combination of a cat scan and an upper bowel series but shows more detail or something. They had to put orders in to get special stuff to do the test and the supplies wouldn't arrive for like a day or more so I hang out for another day.  Even though the obstruction broke I'm not on any kind of diet yet, still no liquids or solids. But they did give me some dinner every night, here's what it looked like for me 
eventually once they stopped giving it to me through the IV:



Mmmm gotta love it.

The next day they decide that they don't really need to do this test, they can get just as much information from doing a small bowel series.  So we totally just wasted a day for no reason haha.  That's the test that requires you to drink a shitload of barium, but since there was still a huge tube that ran down my nose and into my stomach, I ask if they can just pump it through there because one of the nurses mentioned it to me.  They say yes, and I am stoked because that stuff tastes like milky-chalky-cheap orange juice.  They get a big plastic syringe and start pumping two big bottles of barium into me and I am just loling and glad I don't have to drink that awful stuff.  Then we wait about an hour for the barium to go all the way through my intestines.  After checking with an x-ray to see if the barium has traveled far enough a few times, they decide I'm ready to go and take me into a room where a nice man pokes me with a rubber ball on a stick while x-raying me.  Here's a video of part of my upper bowel series, the guy doing it was nice enough to do it for a little longer after we found out my mom accidentally forgot to hit the record button haha: video

Towards the end of the video I'm not sure if you can tell but you can see some strip-like rubbery (?) looking things near the end of the intestines.  Those are adhesions from surgery, which is what has been causing the blockage.  To me this was actually good news, because I was afraid that somehow the blockage was being caused by the Chrons acting up already again.  Adhesions are like fibrous tissue bands that grow in your intestine because your body has no idea what the fuck just happened so it tries to heal itself, having part of your intestines cut out will do that.

I'm actually really glad, (and still am!) that it's adhesions because the doctors said 75 percent of the time they do not require surgery, just bowel rest.  This upper bowel series did conclude that there could also be some leftover Crohn's from the surgery, but they can't tell if that is really causing any more problems.  I'm pretty sure I'd be in a little more pain if the Crohn's was causing a problem but I guess you never know...an ileoscopy will hopefully help reveal that.

I pass all of the barium and dump it out into a urinal with some poop in it and it forms a nice smoothie.  Notice how the brown poop was in there first but the still floated to the top since the barium is so thick.  Cool Science!



Eventually my diet gets advanced to liquids, and the next day (which I think was today?) My surgeon comes in and tells me that since I'm here already we can do my ostomy reversal surgery soon that way these adhesions don't become as much of a problem with the ostomy.  While this is good news, it's very all of a sudden, and he says he wants to do the surgery tomorrow.  I agree after realizing I'm pretty much giving up a month of my summer, it's been kinda shitty out anyways!

We were originally planning to do the surgery at the middle of August but my surgeon felt I would be fine if we did it now.  So I guess this is farewell to my shitbag, to tell the truth I am a little sad...there was so much more I had in mind to do!  So many more inappropriate things to say, so many more people to offend.  

My surgeon also said there would be a slight chance we would cut some more bowel out depending on if the Crohn's seems like it may cause future problems.  He was just gonna kinda wing it and see what was up once they cut me open, which I was actually fine with because I'm lucky enough to have a pretty great surgeon.  Not like I really know from experience, but I saw this plaque on his wall from like an "America's Top Surgeon's" magazine and it really put me at ease.  

A little later, the other doctors come in and opt against the surgery, this was after I signed away on the papers so we had to cancel everything and make sure it goes through.  The reason being was that although my surgeon might rule, they wanna know exactly what they're dealing with when they connect my intestines back to my colon.  So they want to do an illeoscopy and colonoscopy before the surgery.   Unfortunately, they can't do it until next week, so I'd have to be sent home for a few days.  This was the ga
me plan until like about ten hours ago.  They advanced me to a soft-food diet and I order some dinner.  Stir Fry with tofu, some pasta with tomato sauce, and mashed potatoes.  



This looks like a lot, but i probably ate about only like 40 percent of this food, over the span of like twenty-five minutes.  My dad ate most of the remains hahaha.  While I am eating, I am super careful, chew everything 30+ times, and exclude all the vegetables that came with the stir fry.  I even ordered the sauce and gravy on the side, but they just put it on the food and also on the side so it was like having double sauce so I just didn't use the extra obviously.   

(side note: MAYBE THAT MEAL GOT STUCK BECAUSE THAT MEAL WAS LIKE 80000 FUCKING STARCHY CARBS YOU DICKHEAD).

I guess I should mention I'm taking all meat besides fish out of my diet.  I'm stoked on eventually trying tofurkey tofu hotdogs tofu burger and all those cool things and hopefully I'll be able to stick with it for a while.  Plus fish is fucking awesome.  I was talking to a really nice student nurse here and she was saying how taking out meat really challenges you to try new kinds of food, especially if you're just used to eating the same stuff all the time.  I mean it's only been like six days of having this diet, and within those 6 days I really only got to eat like 3 actual meals, but so far I've been holding strong!  Time will determine whether or not I actually have any kind of will power.  But sushi is so awesome shit!  I think I'll be okay for a while. 

So anyway back to eating this meat-free meal...I def took some precautionary steps to help prevent any irriation, but it didn't really seem to matter and I am obstructed again!  Whatever, I guess I just won't go home until my scope and reconnective surgery.  Better safe than sorry and I really don't mind being here.  The doctor is going probably order an NG tube to be put in again tomorrow I'm thinking.  I don't care, fucking bring it!  That's the best way I've learned to deal with everything I have to go through here.  It's really the best way for me at least.  Tackling shit head on maybe with a laugh on the way.  


My spirits are pretty high still, I hope this blog doesn't sound like I'm wah wah-ing too much, I'm just really tired...it's 4:45 A.M and I still haven't slept.  I did walk around my floor and run in place in my room for five minutes but it didn't really help.  I feel okay though, I def feel some pressure but it's not painful.  I'm back on a clear liquid diet but I haven't really drank anything since that last meal I had...it's kind of hard to judge because while liquids could help flush the food out, they also might just cause more pressure if nothing is going through so I'm not really sure what to do. 

I've been living vicariously through playing Rollercoaster Tycoon and writing music on the computer.  My sister bought me a fucking MacBook Pro and I am typing on it right now.  It's like so easy that it's hard to use almost, I'm way to accustomed to windows. 

Anyway, I'm doing fine, here's a picture I took from my charts that can summarize about 80 percent of this blog:



I'll probably post again within a few days once I know what's going on really.  In the meantime I just saw a weather forecast today and it looks like it's gonna be a shitty day!  Glad I'm gonna be nice and cozy in this hospital.

So I'm on the road to feeling better, it just is long process but I can handle it.  The only thing I'm really afraid of is running out of things to blog about haha.  Okay it's like 5:30 ttysoon.