Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Nothing to do with Crohn's

More updates can't hurt though right?

On a Crohn's related note though, my stomach feels good! I really don't know what the problem is/has been but right now things seem to be pretty normal. I think a lot of it actually is what I eat regarding protein and fiber. When I visited my doctor last week he was saying that stuff is really important, for obvious reasons. Not eating meat ever and trying to live off of packs of yogurt is not going to cut it. Also, I cut back on the pot smoking a little bit. I mean...I'm still doing it of course hahaha. Just not so much in excess, more focusing on being as productive as I can be and then enjoying it on some down time. Needless to say, my spirits have been up for the past few weeks. I had a few life revelations over the past three months and now everything seems to be gravy. Trying to be less of a cynical asshole has also made a huge difference.

We'll see where my tummy is at in a few days. I'm also curious to see those stool sample reports come in. I'll let y'all know.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving Flare

Liquid diet thanksgiving!!! Fucking awesome. Maybe I'll just throw the tofurkey in a blender and suck it down with a straw. Thanks Crohn's! :).

I'm honestly not in a bad mood right now. I'm almost certain I will be in a few hours once the hunger kicks in and everyone in my family insists that try the pasta or some shit, but we'll see! My stomach has been going back and forth from waves of good to shitty. The weeks before this I was feeling good, but I just can't seem to keep my stomach there. On the plus side, I know what I need to do to get better. It just so happens that it does not involve eating food today, just liquids, then maybe some jello and yogurt tomorrow. This is the best thing I can do for my bowels right now, they need some rest. They told me so last night with some sharp pains and some nice watery stool. Mmmm.

Also, when I'm flaring, playing drums will sometimes make me feel worse. Taking a break from playing helps me feel better, but also turns me into an angry, cynical asshole. Also, a pretty big hermit. One of the better way for me to get out of these flares is to lock myself in my room and drink a shit-ton of water. Unfortunately, this will be impossible to do today, or even the next few days being that I have to practice for a show I'm playing on Saturday, but I still think I'll be alright.

I've been working on my PMA recently and really trying to focus on getting better. I'm slowly learning things I have to do and I've been taking note of shitty habits I have that make me feel worse. If I can get out of this flare without hospitalization an upping of meds I am rewarding myself with a tattoo. We'll see!

I forgot to post this the other day, but this is a picture I took in the hospital a few weeks ago when I got my hydrocelectomy. The doctor signed my leg that was on the same side of the hydrocele. I thought this was hilarious, because it was pretty obvious to tell what side that shit was on, but better safe then sorry!

I've healed up pretty well since the ball procedure. Not completely yet, but definitely getting there. Over time I've developed a pretty adequate case of hypochondria, so I'm a little worried that this will be a recurring problem throughout my entire life. Only time will tell, but the procedure wasn't that bad so I'm not too worried.

I'm pretty sure by Christmas time I will be well on my way out of this Crohn's slump. All I can really do now is look forward.

Friday, November 5, 2010


Bada-BOOM BABY! Halloween is always a fun time, especially in Manhattan. I visited my sister and her husband and got to walk through the city dressed as mutha fuckin' Tony the Chooch.

I just put up a new blog that I wrote some time in september and forgot to post titled "lug-nut". A lot of the stuff I am going to talk about right now won't make sense unless you read this post's prequel, "lug-nut". Or maybe it will? Idk...the Star Wars Saga always seemed in-cohesive and shitty to me.

Right now I'm lying in bed with bandages tied around my balls. I got my hydrocelectomy yesterday morning so I'm staying in for a few days. Surprisingly, I was not feeling too shitty after the procedure. My balls look fucking ridiculous though, super swollen. The doctor (and the internet) said that it will probably look worse than it did before for a few weeks until the swelling goes down. It's expected after a surgical nut-shank. I can't imagine being a urologist surgeon, you just cut through dick, balls, and vag all day like some kinda of genital butcher.

When I was in pre-op one of the female surgical assistants introduced herself to me and told me she would be in the room during the procedure. I said "oh you will?" and continued to raise my eyebrows at her for 10 seconds. She eventually laughed, and then I thought to myself how flaccid and
tiny my penis will look in a freezing surgery room. Whatever.

After the surgery I woke up wearing a makeshift jock strap-thong out of medical gauze and bandages. I can't take it off until tomorrow, so I'm just bumming around in PJs all day. The pain isn't that bad, I can walk around and only feel a little discomfort. The area will occasionally throb with some dull pain though. My doctor gave me vicodins to help, but I haven't taken any yet and don't really plan on it unless the pain gets much worse. I'll probably just sell them to some pill junkies, cause honestly what adult do you know that wouldn't say yes to prescribed painkillers? Hopefully some.

Speaking of drugs, I actually did get my volcano vaporizer recently. It's fucking awesome. If you don't believe me, you should come over and try it. I was on the fence about dropping that much money and getting it until I found a site that offered FREE-OVERNIGHT-SHIPPING. My logic was: "No way...I can be ripped TOMORROW? Buy NOW." I haven't really used it since my surgery, but I'm sure I could without any negative affect on the area...I'm just worried that I'll get paranoid and think the government planted a tracking device in my balls.

I've gotta say though, my favorite part of a hydrocelectomy hands down: FREE SHAVE JOB! So precise and so neat, these doctors really know how to mow the lawn.

Crohn's wise, I'm definitely feeling better then when I made that last frustrated post. I've been drinking a lot of those ensure drinks and trying to really watch what I eat. A few glasses of tea every day also help soothe the tummy for me.

I also recently started going for acupuncture, there's a guy who does it like two minutes from my house so it's extremely convenient and easy to do. I noticed that usually after a session my stomach will actually feel better, but if I eat a little too carelessly it will be set back again. I think if I really buckle down on my diet for a few weeks and continue going for acupuncture that I will be feeling much better, so that's the plan for now. As soon as my poofballs go down in size a little, I'm going to start going again. I should be back to my daily routine of school and work starting Monday. Unfortunately, I gotta stay off the drums for a little while...but hopefully I'll be back in action in a few weeks!

Stay shitty.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010


This on and off flare shit is killing me. I think the key with Crohn's is to just never be too confident with how you're actually doing, at least that's how I feel. Since I got home from tour in August it's kinda been back and forth. If I ever eat with too much confidence (or gluttony) I end up fucking myself and setting myself back for a few days. Especially with classes starting, it's hard to not just eat shit at school all the time. I've been trying to keep gum in my mouth to keep me from eating shit. I don't know what's up with my stomach but the smallest bullshit will cause a setback.
It looks like I'm gonna have to go back to that exclusive tea/yogurt/barley grass juice/jello diet for a few days. And then just eating some easy shit for a few days. Apparently a Cat Scan came back and told me that everything was fine in my stomach, but apparently something is not. There's some definite swelling but I'm sure it can go down with the right eating just like it has in the past. I'm determined to beat this shit whilst in the process of returning to school, work, music, that whole thing.
I also ran into some other problems too that are pretty ridiculous, I'll write about it faster than you can say "totem scrotum".

Tuesday, September 7, 2010


After abandoning this thing for essentially 4 or 5 months....where should I start? Luckily, for most of these past few months I've been feeling fine, with an occasional smoke fucking up my scar tissue and making me a paranoid-mess for a few days.
I remember a few months ago, probably like the beginning of May, I smoked a serious fattie. The next day I remember hearing my stomach making some seriously loud gurgles and feeling a shit-ton of pressure because it wouldn't push anything through. After spending a few days tweaking out and thinking I would have to check myself in to the hospital, symptoms slowly subsided and I felt a little bit better. The shitty thing about doing things like that is that the recovery time is so long and usually so boring. Lot's of diarrhea, starving myself, regretting my actions, being mopey.

I haven't smoked since then at all, but something else shitty that just happened recently was that my vaporizer broke and started burning its' contents. I noticed when my stomach got shittier and my smoke alarm went off. So I gave up on that and haven't been able to find the right one. I mean of course there is always one that comes to mind ....

Yes. The highly esteemed volcano vaporizer. Known to end more college-careers than a military draft. It's believed to be the most efficient vaporizer by tenfold. Unfortunately it costs like 550, and if you want a digital one it's fucking 650...and I haven't really been committed enough to the idea to actually buy one...maybe one day soon though. For now I have a batch of killer brownies that will fuck your day up in 3 bites. I plan to have these snacks lasting me well into october...maybe by then i'll feel better about dropping serious bills for one of those guys^.
Okay that's enough of that talk, there are bigger melons we must squash. Here's where my life has been at since I got home from tour (August 9th).

I was out on tour with tbotw for about two and a half weeks. As usual, tour was a fucking blast and great times were had yadda yadda. But I did have some hesitations about how my gut would hold up with the 2 and a half weeks living out of a van and mostly eating fast food. I was smart enough to watch what I eat for most of tour, I'd say about 35 percent of my diet consisted of bananas. Most gas stations will sell you a good banana for under a buck, and for a guy who is accustomed to bouts of black acid shit-water, bananas are a great way to slow down your digestion process and help make your stool more solid.
I'd say for the first 12 days of tour my stomach was in good condition, towards the last few days my shit starting to come out a little more narrowed which lets me know that there is some swelling going on. I was still going to the bathroom though, and just figured I could watch what I eat and be fine. Another thing I was doing was drinking a bunch of water every day, like a lot. That's obvious good advice for any person with Crohn's since it keeps shit moving. It still weirds me out how if sometimes I chug water I can count to 10 and I will already feel pressure and start passing gas. It's like one of those weird lightening/thunder cause and effect things. Science.

So despite the narrowing of my intestines, I was still feeling fine. Until the last day when I woke up in the middle of our drive home with an awful fever, throbbing headache, and some extreme nausea. The shitty part about this was that we were still about, 8 hours away from New Jersey. I'm still not sure if I caught an infection or if the fever was crohn's induced, or just a combination of the two. I do know that from all the wear and tear of driving around, I was fucking tired and therefore probably more susceptible to getting sick. Also, that same day I wolfed down two tuna rolls out of a supermarket kitchen, drowning them in a pool soy sauce and wasabi. That was probably one of my worse ideas I've had in a while. Live and learn, that was the day I swore off sushi for good. I'll stick with white rice and egg drop soup for now, even though I'm sure the white rice in mass amounts isn't great either.

This fever I had lasted about 4 weeks, but only really in my bowels. The headache's and nausea went away after a couple of days of rest at home, but I still had diarrhea for pretty much the rest of August. The weird part was if I sipped a lot of water I would have to go urgently, but only black diarrhea water, as if all of my waste was getting squeezed through a tight tunnel.
Whatever was happening to me, I was afraid and miserable. I didn't really talk to anyone for a few days, and just watched some Spongebob and iCarly to pass the time. I was trying to give my body all the rest it could use to help recover, but wasn't finding any luck. Eventually my apathy turned into anxiety and I really wanted to get better. I shoot my GI doctor an email and he asks that we go through with a cat scan. I was worried that my stomach would look like a mess on a Cat Scan test, but I agree and spend the next week breaking a sweat over this test.

I knew at times what I had going on was bad because for a while I would frequently burp up ANYTHING I swallowed. Whether it was tea burps or jello burps, whatever I was putting down was having a hard time getting broken up and through my intestines. I consult my regular doctor about it and he writes me a prescription for some antibiotics I already had lying around... and already considered taking to help fight off infection. As a last ditch effort to get better in some quick-fix scheme, I tried to fast on go on an all juice diet...Or come as close to one as I could. I did cheat both days and ate a piece of fruit and some jello, but I was trying to just give my bowels a break and have any swelling go down. A combination of this and some homeopathic stuff (arnica montana, and some graphites to help scar tissue), actually did help, but I couldn't tell because most of the days before my cat scan I wasn't eating much at all.

I've had a few Catscans before so they're pretty much a cakewalk, I mean look how quick I downed this bottle of Barium. I had to do that shit twice, nbd.

Taking the cat scan wasn't bad, they pump you with iodine and give you some radiation. The fun part about iodine is that it makes your grundle tickle, I'm not even joking.

After I take my test I call to schedule a doctor appointment with my regular doctor because I wanted him to check out this problem I noticed in the bath. Part of me thought I was just turning into a hypochondriac, but another part of me thought something was up with my right nut. I wasn't sure if I had a tumor or just one of these conditions I read about called a hydrocele, where the tissue on you actual nut bubbles up and fills with fluid. I figured visiting my doctor would be a good way to see what's going on with my stomach and get the scoop on my sack.

The next day I went to my doctor to check it out and hehad great news, my stomach looked fine on the Catscan. Even I knew that I hadn't been feeling 100 percent recently, this was a relief to me still. My doctor also told me that I do indeed have a hydrocele, possibly as a post surgery complication with the way my body healed or some shit. I think it's related to a hernia that I have but that no one seems to acknowledge or admit exists. Only time will tell mwaha.

Anyway, my doctor looks at me and is like "It's such a quick fix, with what you've been through it'll be a walk in the park". Thinking he was referring to some meds to knock out whatever fluid is building up in my testicle, I wait for him to write me up a prescription. Instead he tells me "I'm gonna bring you to this guy, he's great", and he hands me a phone number of another doctor.
Then he tags on : "Recovery time is quick, you'll be out of there in a few days".

"What? No...You mean....Ughhh fu-......shit."

That's right, surgery. On my fucking testicle.

This of course implies, cutting open my scrotum with a knife...then stitching it back up after like some Frankenstein nutsack.
I think this is honestly every man's nightmare besides for the few fucked up people you see on the internet. What I don't get is how the guy who spent his whole adolescent years emptying out his testes now faces this problem.

If you wanna see the glorious procedure click here. (If you ARE getting this procedure done I really wouldn't watch this, I definitely regret it). Now of course my scrotum isn't as big as that guys, some people just wait longer to get the procedure done. Some people live with hydroceles and tolerate them until they are fucking humongous. I kinda more of a guy that would prefer not to have his one nut 4 times bigger than the other one. Luckily we got to capture a picture of my balls:

Not to scale completely, but it's getting there! The shitty thing is that I called to schedule with the recommended urologist and he wasn't free until early october, so I scheduled with his associate, but his earliest date was 9/16. That means I have 9 more days AT LEAST, probably more like 12 since I'm only going for a consultation on the 16th. He needs to be like "yes, that nut is fucking way too big" before he can actually cut me open I guess. I may try and find another doctor off the internet and try and schedule this surgery sooner. I got places to be in october, my sister is getting married and shit, so the sooner we start this ballbloodbath the better.

I'm not as nervous for this procedure as I am aroused...I mean, the thought of having someone's hands inside my insides makes me feel like a excited 14 year old girl. Just kidding, I'm not really looking forward to getting my nut cut open, but I'm looking forward to not having to deal with this situation anymore. Luckily I'm in no pain, just a little discomfort, and a whole lot of getting creeped out. I feel like I'm carrying a dinosaur egg in my sack. Any moment it may just hatch.
Last night I showed my friends, the initial reaction was mostly in the vein of "holy shit". By now my right is probably 4 times bigger than my left, if not a little more. For the past few days, if you catch me from the right angle, I'd have a bulge in my pants. I had to give the heads up the my buddies a few time " see that bulge? yeah...that's not my dick."

I'll write updates as they for now I'm stuck with this mutant testicle, but I guess it beats having shitty Crohn's symptoms.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Colonoscopy tomorrow

Liquid diet all day today and laxatives...should make for an interesting memorial day BBQ. Going to the supermarket now to pick up a tub of ice cream to bring and eat. Hopefully I won't shit my pants, I'm pretty sure that's not proper bbq etiquette.

The gods of irony have decided to bust their chunky loads of misfortune all over my life. Turns out I could possibly have a hernia underneath where my ostomy used to be that could be affecting my stomach. I noticed that somehow my flare ups got worse after running recently. Also, I had a lot of gas and a lot of pressure would build up in my stomach. A lot of the time I would try and run to break up food for what I thought was a flare but in actuality was a clusterfuck of intestines inside my body that only became more fucked up from running.

I always thought this area was scar tissue because it would always harden up back when I used to smoke all the time, but eventually go back to normal after a few days. I did suspect a hernia at one point in time too, early back after my surgery. I'm pretty sure I wrote about it last year. My surgeon reassured me it wasn't though, and he still could have been right. Maybe I had a super tiny hernia and all of this hardcore exercising made it worse? Or maybe I have scar tissue AND a hernia?!?! Who knows?!? Tune in tomorrow and find out.

I'd like to think every grey cloud has it's little silver lining or something like that. That being said I hope I'm not grimy for looking forward to getting knocked the-fuck-out from some anesthesia tomorrow morning.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Dear pizza, this is hard to say trust me...but I think we've reached a point in our relationship where I must say goodbye, at least for a little while. As much as I fucking love you, every time I put you inside me you tear me up on the inside. I'm tired of having to sit on the toilet spewing your cheese out of me. You are always so soft and it always makes me so hard.

I'm not sure if it's gay if it's with a pizza is it? I think it's just really fucking weird hahaha.

For real though I'm not going eat pizza for a while, at least until I get out of this flare up. It's pretty shitty. I'm on the toilet right now spewing out some chunked battery acid, with some red chunks in it...not really sure if that's tomato sauce or blood! Either way it does not look appetizing. Something else I've noticed is that all of the shit comes out in tiny pieces and nothing really big. I probably can't squeeze that many big pieces through my tubes.

It's actually been on and off...some days have been better than others. I really have to avoid every kind of shitty food/dairy. This includes pizza, and any soda or anything. I'm still not eating meat so it's hard to kinda eat food that won't be ruffage or gassy veggies...but I've been getting by with some plain pasta and healthy yogurts, and the occasional banana. I think I just decided I'm not eating pizza until my birthday...we'll see how long that lasts.

Since the flare up has begun my bowel movements have become more frequent and of less volume. Which most likely means my intestines are all swollen and they can't squeeze as much through at a time. My original reaction was very very angry. But eventually I turned my anger into attentiveness to what my body was doing with certain foods.

Whilst in the flare-age the most important thing is to watch your grindage (thanks Pauly Shore for that rhyme). When I see certain foods, I like to imagine what they would look like going through my shitty rotted raw-flesh looking intestines. This usually helps in the determining whether or not I will eat it. I'm getting accustomed to some white rice daily, that hasn't seemed to bother me that much...but then again there's probably at least 300 different websites telling you that carbs are the enemy for victims of Crohn's. I ain't no fuckin scientist, but if a food doesn't make have to shit my pants, I would prefer to eat it.

A lot of Crohn's symptoms can in fact be derived from stress, according to a lot of things I've read. But for a 19 year old semi-daily-stoner I'd like to think I'm really not that stressed out. I am really busy some days during most of the week though, between working, school, and music related things it's hard to kinda balance everything. I've also started yogging for at least once every day. We usually do anywhere from like one to four miles a day, which is pretty killer on all of us since we're fucking out of shape hahaha. But thinking about it I have been feeling better and more energized recently. Running still does help break up some gas too which is always a good thing.

Yesterday morning I ran out of my 6MP medication. Me and my doctor planned it like this so that by the time it was up I would have already seen him for my colonoscopy and he would've filled another prescription. The thing is...I haven't called him to schedule the colonoscopy, which he was trying to do mid-april. He can only do mondays because that's when the anesthesiologist is there..."i don't think you'd want to another day instead!" what a jokester.

There's two reasons I really haven't called my doctor to reschedule. One reason is I have a 12:30-2:00 pm English class on Mondays and I already missed a bunch of classes and handed in a bunch of shit late so I'm trying to get on my teachers good side before the semester ends. I try to milk the whole "inflammatory bowel disease" thing to get out of some absences, and she actually sympathizes with me and it works! Yay for catching a break!

The other reason I haven't wanted to schedule my colonoscopy was that I wasn't really trying to go whilst in a flare-up, because he's going to see it and probably not be too excited about it. Obviously I am not either but I just want to see if I can get out of this by myself. So far I've been feeling better so I should be okay. My farts stopped smelling as deathly rancid as they do when I was in the peak of this flare. I'm going to call my doctor tomorrow early and tell him I was planning on scheduling when school ended because I need to try and stay on top of my grades.

I fucking hate talking about college and plans with adults. Especially when I have no ambitions to really go to a four year school and get some crazy degree right now in my life. After I get my associate's I'll see where I'm at, but right now school is kinda slowing down everything else in my life I'd rather be doing. I already regret signing up for summer classes but I think I'll be able to hang, it should be a little easier then school work now.

Still really the hardest thing with Crohn's is to never ever ever cheat when you're in a flare up. It's like you're fucking tip-toeing on that topsy turvy thing from mario party. Any one thing could fuck you up and potentially set you back a little bit, so it's very frustrating. The key is to never really allow yourself to cheat, I've been getting better at the whole self discipline thing, but it's still pretty difficult. I can make the usual excuses for myself, but at the end of the day no matter what I try to blame it on, it's still me sitting on the toilet dumping buckets of shit.