Monday, December 7, 2009

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Shit Stick Smear

So I told my doctor there was recently some redness in my stool, which I'm pretty sure was just vegetables because I've been eating a good amount of red ones. But better safe than being one with bloody feces, that's where the Henry Schein One Step Slide Test for Fecal Occult Blood comes in! Great quality and reliable product, the packaging consists of these three things.

1. Directions
2. A swiping card
3. 3 wooden sticks.

If you can't figure out how it works, all you really do is shit on a piece of toilet paper in your toilet bowl, get a shit-stick sample, and then just wipe it on the card in one of the three specified ovals. Should be fun, I'll post the results if there are any...and by that I mean the doctor's results, not just pictures of my shit smeared on an index card hahaha.

I've opted to NOT take my swine flu shot just because of this video Well I mean more for other reasons but this video is really sad and def did not help convince me I needed another flu shot. Although I have a "weakaned" immune system, I don't even really think I do my doctors said my medicine doesn't really affect my white blood cells too much.

Besides that I've just been chillin' and feeling pretty healthy, the occasional cramp every now and then but it's not really that serious, and diarrhea is pretty on and off so whatever. Still getting my monthly bloodwork, whatever it takes like ten seconds and sometimes a cute blonde takes it from me and I talk to her about things. I've even had the occasional sip (or two) of alcohol with really no side-effects besides turning into a belligerent fuck.

I still never put that video up, I will get to it soon and do it for real! Maybe I will start editing it now, I just have SO much footage. You'll see haha.

Happy Thanksgiving btw! Tofurkey!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Hollow Weiner

I was an aerobics instructor, which is a little ironic because I was having a pretty hard time starting to exercise hahaha. I've gotten a little better at it now though, once you get into the swing of things it just becomes routine.

I had stomach cramps a few weeks ago but it was pretty much due to my seatbelt breaking after I bottomed out and somehow made the tension on it way too tight. It already went away even though fucking Honda lied to me and said they would call me tuesday once they got the part in. It is now Sunday and they still haven't fucking called me.

The first thing you think when you shit your pants is never really "Oh man I really have to go get my camera now and take a picture this looks sick". I used to have that mindset when I was in the hospital all the time and had the camera right next to my bed, but now that I'm out, I had to make a judgement call if waddling to my bedroom with my shitty underwear around my ankles was worth it. Unfortunately I made the better call and just took care of the situation, even though I looked at it after and saw like egg chunks in my underwear it was sick.

This "first instinct" rule also applies to when you go to wipe your ass and check to see what shade of brown your shit is that day, and you see a completely undigested blueberry on the toilet paper from the blueberry bagel you ate earlier that day. You don't really think "OH MAN PHOTO OP" you're kinda just like "aw man, thats fucking sick". It didn't really taste like a blueberry the second time around either, idk it still def looked like one though.

Kinda reminds me of when I used to eat clams with my ostomy bag and then I would just spew out chewed shit-soaked-soggy clams from my stoma. I def wish I could have filmed that when it happened, which was whenever I ate clams haha. Sometimes I would have to like kinda pull them out with toilet paper it was gross. I also remember eating buffalo wings and them giving me spewing volcano stream poop squirts, that was also pretty sick.

I shaved my beard, which automatically makes everything I say/do less creepy and more young and innocent, look :

Marley thinks he's a fucking cat just in case you never met him.

I have a very attractive sexy-appealing video in the works I'll try and post it by the end of this week!

Thursday, October 15, 2009


It's really fucking cold out it sucks a lot. I'm not even chalking up the being cold to iron deficiency, it is just fucking cold out plain and simple haha. A big factor may be that I'm still wearing only zip up hoodies and will probably continue to do so until like december. Maybe not if it continues to be this bad though.

I saw my GI doctor a few weeks ago and he said I'm doing wonderful. Obviously I guess, I really don't like giving that guy too much credit. All he did was put me on medicine AFTER all of the disease was cut out. So if I feel good now I really don't think the 50mg of 6MP is keeping me in remission especially since everything was just cut out. I probably say this every time I talk about my doctor but it still remains to be true. I mentioned to him how in like a year or two I would like to no longer be on 6MP and he called it "a gamble" if I'm willing to do it. He wants to go back in for a colonoscopy in like 6 months to check everything out. I feel like whether it looks good or bad he's going to want to keep me on the drug. If it's good he'll be like "blah blah I'm doctor the medicine is working!" If it looks a little rough he'll be like "We must up the dosage!" Fuck man.

I really haven't had much cramping, and the few stomach cramps I did have were either poop cramps or marijuana withdrawals. My scar tissue started getting hard again after smoking so I asked my regular doctor just to confirm it and he said I definitely shouldn't be smoking because it's never good for scar tissue. So instead of biting the bullet and being a bigger person or whatever, I'd like to introduce...

A fucking vaporizer! Sick, what a nice, expensive, incriminating piece of marijuana related paraphernalia for me to keep in my room! Even better, to post on the internet! Sick dicks. I just took that picture, the preheating light is on, but it should be done by now brb.


Word. And for the record that little doodly above only took like five seconds to do, I play drums remember?

So anyway I stopped smoking before for like 2 weeks because I can exhibit at least some self control. I mean besides like once or twice, but thats a big difference from the 1-3 times a day tip I was on. And I noticed that when I stopped the the tightness over there eased up, as well as the deadly farting. One of those two times I smoked I shit my pants...or sharted in the car, I guess it really wasn't that serious. But it was definitely fucking there hahaha. I just pulled my underwear down a little and pulled my pants up for the ride home. Ew ew ew.

Someone told me to watch out for mercury poisoning. Fuck you haha. But here are the symptoms of mercury poisoning so I can be on the lookout for getting fucking mercury poisoned.

Symptoms of Mercury Poisoning
By the Environmental Protection Agency
  • Impairment of the peripheral vision
  • Disturbances in sensations ("pins and needles" feelings, numbness) usually in the hands feet and sometimes around the mouth
  • Lack of coordination of movements, such as writing
  • Impairment of speech, hearing, walking;
  • Muscle weakness
  • Skin rashes
  • Mood swing
  • Memory loss
  • Mental disturbance
Hahaha what the fuck most people of most of those symptoms at least two of them anyway. I seriously think I have at least 9 but I've always had them. I just am not the strongest person, who played video games his whole childhood and didn't develop any coordination skills and moves awkwardly, who has allergies and skin rashes, and has developed a great short-term memory. PLUS I AM FUCKING GOTHIC AND MENTALLY DISTURBED \M/ \M/

No but seriously for a few months my youtube "recommended" videos were videos of puppies and dogs, and mall-metal music videos.

I am in school still and am doing okay mom. Semi-okay at least haha, but I wi
ll probably just turn it arou
nd at the end...that's what I usually do every year. I'm all about putting things off to the last minute ju
st in case you haven't noticed by how frequent these posts are. But usually somehow I tend to do things more when I am smoking, or "vaporizing". I
'll make myself do something constructive, usually the dishes or clean, but sometimes it's as simple as eating one Activia Yogurt (Mmm!) I totally just took this picture off of someone else's blog by the way, but really I just googled "activia" or "YO
GURT TITS" and this came up. Today I'll probably just eat a yogurt, it's way too cold in my room to do
anything else if that ma
kes sense. Even though I think we are playing music in an hour but playing if anything will heat me up. Hawt drummerz tayke ther shirts off. Hairy drummers leave theirs on. I just accidentally underlined the top and I have no idea how it happened, I guess I will keep it for emphasis.

Diarrhea is turning more into poop now that I'm not all swollen on my scar tissue. Certainly a go
od thing! I read a line that smoking clogs your arteries and puts all plaque in there so that scared me enough to make me stop. Vaporizing is not smoking btw, it's science bro.

Next Thursday I am playing in a basement in New Brunswick and next Friday I am playing in a basement in New Brunswick. If I don't die from asbestos poisoning then I will write something else soon.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Life Lessons

You know, there's a lot I learned from the past two years of my experience with Crohn's disease.  Lot's of life lessons and how to be strong and all those nice things.  Honestly though, there is one thing that I am really proud of myself for learning and I will hold it close to me for the rest of my life.


I fucking never knew how to spell that word...I don't even hesitate anymore!  haha.

Speaking of diarrhea it is happening as we speak, well as I type actually.   The probability of it happening whenever I go to shit is probably around 80 percent.  On a lighter note, my farts have definitely simmered down a lot, I'm pretty glad, I think a lot of it is from takin dem dere probiotics.  

In my economics class somehow my teacher was talking about health insurance and how his wife had to get a Colonoscoy just because she's at that age.  He said "you know when you get older you gotta get these things called colonoscopies, kinda gross I know".  I usually have a hard time paying attention of classes due to a lack of interest and a love for doodling, but when he said that my ears perked up like an excited puppy.  I wanted to be like "ooh!  ooh!  I had two of those!"  But I caught myself before I said it, because really who the fuck wants to hear that from a stranger?  I mean of course besides you, the reader, if I don't know you haha.  But anyway I was pretty much bursting from the seams just to tell my teacher that I got a lil pipe stuck up my butt.  He also mentioned his wife used to be a GI nurse which I thought was pretty cool, but I mean I can't really go up to him and be like "oh sweet!  I have Crohn's blah blah".  I mean I guess I could but I hate like saying that I feel like I'm tellin the sob story or something, even though it kinda would've been appropriate at the time.  I think I just over-think haha.  Anyway, he ended up actually telling this story again at the next class.  I think because he teaches multiple economics classes, and also hes a little old haha.  Nice guy though, it's a shame I love doodling so much.

As far as the getting in shape thing goes, I'm doing it.  Maybe not as much as I said I would, but I have been doing some crunches during the week every other day or maybe every three days haha.  We'll see, I'll post pictures once there's something actually worth posting.  

Monday, September 14, 2009

gettin' fit.

I'm actually at the point where i could almost lose a few pounds!  it's exciting to be overweight again, especially when my weight has been all over the place within the past few months, and it's usually been pretty low.  I wouldn't even say I'm overweight actually, it's more like I'm just not in shape at all haha.

I went to visit my surgeon again last week and it was my last post-op hopefully I won't ever see him ever again haha.  When I was laying down he pressed down on my belly and asked me to do a sit-up to check for any big bulges in my stomach, and he was not happy at all at the fact that I could barely fucking do one haha.  He suggested that I start doing something to get in shape and that I start pushing myself a little bit more, I do sometimes get a little tired every now and then but that is just from being too lazy I think.  He also said I should continue to follow up with my gastro doctor in NY, who I have still yet to even see since after the surgery haha.  I will probably call this week to schedule something, I'm just a big procrastinator.

I still go to the bathroom pretty frequently and it's usually more like diarrhea still.  Apparently It's better to hold it in so it can become solid but it's really uncomfortable to hold an urgent shit in so I usually just go sit on the toilet.  I'm still going like 3-5 times a day so it's really not that bad.  

School started last Tuesday, and I still haven't bought any textbooks...I should probably get on that I guess.  My schedule is pretty easy and not to stressful so it's not that much of a bummer to go.  Most days I have one class, and it's usually early so I still get my whole day and I can even go home after and take a nap if I need to.  I do have a saturday class which kinda is shitty but whatever.

So anyway, I'm trying to get in shape.  Well technically I'm not trying yet since I haven't really done anything haha, but since I am posting it on here now I will probably start.  Holy shit my mom just took this picture and I look like a pregnant man.  This is me standing up straight not really pushing out but I did take a little breath.  

And of course I had to take a sexy-gut mirror pic

Not so bad I guess...but really not so great either.  Let's see if I can actually commit to getting in shape, I'm thinking like 100+ crunches a day, maybe some running, pushups, and some other things.

Also, here is a picture from a few months ago that I always wanted to put up but then I got sick too quickly and kinda had to skip some posts since some other things took blog priority.

One of the most adorable, yet disgusting pictures I think I have on my computer.  Marley just loves to sniff things!  Especially things that reek I guess, and no I did not let him lick the bag or eat my shit, that would not be nice.  I had another picture where all the shit in my bag was green but I think I accidentally deleted it, bummer.  Shit wait nevermind I found one just checked: 

If I ever have an ostomy bag again, which hopefully I won't but if I do, I am going to dedicate one entire day to drinking like 3 bottles of a certain color of gatorade, then at the end of a day I'll take a picture.  I can def put all the pictures together and get a shitbag rainbow going.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009


Maybe it's just that time of year...but I haven't had allergies this bad in a while.  

The other day my lip was pretty swollen too it looked very silly.  I didn't really think to take a pic because I didn't think it was allergies I just thought those Doritos I ate were too spicy...late night Tacos?  Whatever they're called.  

I had work today but since I got home I've just been in bed or in the bathroom...besides my run to the pharmacy...I got some allergy medicine since the over the counter zyrtec wasn't helping, a box of "Slow-FE" (it's a slow iron releasing pill if you didn't get that), and I got a chewable probiotic pill too that I'm hoping that will somehow reduce my gas haha.  My farts are still pretty nasty, not sure if they are getting better really but they are still funny so it's all good for now.  I was at the doc's today and my iron is the only thing that's a little out of wack so that's not that big of a deal I'm stoked.

I got drunk a few days ago, like very drunk, it actually happened twice haha.  What's important is that it didn't bother my stomach at all either time.  The only thing was once I woke up and stood up I had to take a very urgent shit since it was all probably pushing out.  I'm not making a habit of drinking because 1) that would make me an ALCOHOLIC, 2) that would just be unhealthy for everything else and probably not even that fun.  I'm still on my "get drunk at most 4 times a year" policy that I put in place two years ago.  Maybe I'll make it 5 or even 6 for this year hahaha.  I mean, the last two years I probably only got drunk 2 or 3 times so I do have some rollover I'm just making up rules that accommodate what I'm trying to do though hahaha.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

"holy fucking shit"

That's probably what most people think when they smell my farts.  That's usually what I think when they come out of me because they are fucking awful.  Like deathly awful clear the room for 5 whole minutes.  I wish there was some way I could upload the fucking smell on here but it would probably fry people's computers and shit.  

Usually I get serious farts when food isn't coming out of me right's like it's just sitting there and slowly being digested/decomposed into atomic shitty gas bombs.  It's all about drinking liquids and flushin stuff out.  I chugged like 40oz of water after a meal and it gave me pretty instant water diarrhea.  Not to say it like pushed that food I just ate out that wouldn't make sense, but it certainly cleaned things up in my pipes.  I should just drink a fucking bunch of water all the time, or fruit juice or something.  I guess the goal is to shit a lot, but I thought that wasn't the goal a few weeks ago?  I remember my doctor being glad that I was constipated after the surgery because it's obviously better than shitting all the time.  But not pooping a lot results in the worst kind of farts I think I've ever brewed up in my colon.  

Most of those deadly farts feel like a highly pressured bomb until they come out.  Also when they come out it's really forcefully like it was stuck and built up and not all of it came out.  Even when I poop sometimes it comes out a little narrow like there's still some scar tissue causing some problems.  Of course if this is my biggest problem I guess I can't really be too upset.  And I'm not really that much, but if you caught a sniff of one of these things you would definitely think something is wrong.

I just kind of realized I might of taken two 6-mp today by accident and I am kinda freaking out.  Mostly (safety i just farted wow) because I am a little high right now, that's usually when I get in hypochondriac mode.  You know the typical heightened anxiousness and proneness to anxiety attacks?  It's in a book I'm sure.  But anyway, I was freaking out for a second even though it could barely throw me out of a wack especially if I only take two for one day.  But then I realized, my pill-pusher of a doctor (but that statistics are so true, it works!  just look at all these fucking cool graphs and percentages) was trying to put me on 100mg anyways eventually haha.  I only take 50 now, so I mean 100 is still a reasonable dose, and apparently an apt one too for good ol' Crohnsy me!  I still haven't called him after the surgery to schedule a follow up I probably should.  I don't know if he's really trying to raise the dosage now, I mean apparently I'm doing great or something.

So when I was at the doctor's last week the guy who gave me my B-12 shot said "oh man that was weird going through you, it felt like cutting steak!" hahaha.  Sometimes I think of the scene where I am asleep and my fucking guts are out on the table and the surgeon was cutting my intestines like they were some fine Italian delicacy.  Trust me there is some fucking crazy Italian delicacies that probably would even top that anyway though haha.  But seriously, someone just like ripping a surgical knife through my abdomen and then my insides is a fucking crazy thing to think about.  I like to look at my scar and imagine all that sometimes, it's like a crazy scene to imagine.  Some guy singin' his jovial hi ho' dum dee dum dum anthem at work fucking dicing me up.  Fucking SCIENCE bro.  My life is in that guys hand, or any of the people around him.

Some things I remember before my surgery and being put out:

1.  Me saying lightly "good luck" kinda laughing to my surgeon and his assistant saying "don't worry, we'll be fine, you don't have to wish us luck!"  and then my surgeon laughing and saying "No we'll take it!  It can't hurt"  This made me laugh and put me in a good mood.  
2.  Two guys trying to scrub all adhesive glue and gunk from a sticker/wafer/shit being on my skin for like five months.  
3.  Being shaved.
4.  My arms extended all the way out on both sides and I'm wearing one of those silly shower/surgery cap things.
5.  Being naked but then them covering up my genitals and feeling way better about that because I'm pretty sure it was fucking freezing.
6.  Being extremely glad this surgery was under way more relaxing circumstances.  I remember I was in so much pain before the emergency one that they had to help me from the hospital bed onto the big surgery bed and that it was so painful.  It was way easier to do without the ripped bowels this time.  

Crazy stuff.  Anyway, I've been eating so much fish that I actually checked which ones are high in mercury because I actually got a little worried haha.  I feel pretty good I've just been relaxing this weekend and enjoying what's left of my summer.  Even though I am extending my Summer mentality essentially until next June, where Summer will resume again.  Pending on if that all goes well I will probably do it for the rest of my life. 

Saturday, August 22, 2009

munchmunchmunchiez bro

What's the best way to gain 10 pounds in 2 weeks, despite normally having no appetite?  Does anyone know?

I do!  

So now I'm 145, maybe 5 more pounds and I'm good.  Even though I'm a little tall I'm kinda slender and not that wide so any extra weight goes to my gut.  

Yesterday I got a B12 shot and got a bunch of bloodwork done, I'm pretty curious to see if I'm very malnourished still, I've been eating a lot and I feel a lot more energized, and I'm sure the B12 will help.  My doctor yesterday said I'm the man because people break his balls about bullshit all the time and I am the man and just like pretty calm about it.  He said to me "You get life."  

Eventually I would like to not be on 6-MP anymore I am going to talk to my Doctor in NY about it soon.  Of course he's gonna put a bunch of statistics in my face about how much more likely I will get back in a flare up and have acting up Crohn's...but something about taking immunosuppresants for life makes me feel a little uneasy.  My white blood count is still fine, he might even want to UP the dosage to 100mg but I'm really not down for that at all.  Of course it's all about weighing out the good and bad things, and it's hard to think about how bad having Crohn's symptoms are when you aren't really having any at all.

My bowel movements are about like 2-5 a day at this point.  I pretty much always wake up having to go which is a good thing I think!  The days where it's only like 2 times a day I usually panic, but then I realize that most normal people only really go once or twice so there's nothing really wrong with that at all!  Being normal scares me I guess because I'm so used to things being out of wack.

Life is good.

Thursday, August 13, 2009


Not like I really take these things for 100% serious but what the fuck?

They are chiefly inclined towards gastric troubles, and they must be extremely careful in regard to shellfish and such things. Inflammatory diseases, such as rheumatism, are also likely to attack them, and trouble with the legs and feet.."

FUCK YOU FATE.  or science. either one

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


I'm home from my weekend of eating pop-tarts and junk food and sleeping in the back of a car!  It went alright health wise, except for our show on Sunday.  That afternoon I remember eating like 4 pop-tarts and eating at least ten handfuls of cheese goldfish crackers.  The two things the doctors always stressed after this reversal surgery were to always chew your food very very well, and to eat small portioned meals, about like six a day.  The chewing thing is actually way difficult to do, it's hard to make food get to the point of liquid mush without swallowing it, especially if you're used to swallowing it only after a few bites.  Unfortunately I still haven't mastered the chewing many times thing without swallowing...BUT I have mastered the "regurgitate your food like a fucking bird and chew it a few more times" method.  It feels very gross, but I'm sure it helps me digest a little more.  Another tip the doctor's always tell you to keep things moving in your bowels is to drink lots of fluids to keep things moving, even if it makes you pee a bunch it's better than not pooping.  

So obviously the gorging myself with shitty junk food thing was not a good idea.  Especially since I barely drank anything afterwards.  The one thing I did drink a few hours later moments before our set on Sunday was a tiny can of Red Bull.  I usually drink one because they help me not get extremely fatigued during our set.  They aren't your greatest thing for your stomach though, and they are lightly carbonated.  Needless to say, after our set I fucking puked outside:

A combination of the food and the drink and the extreme heat and physical exhaustion probably caused this to happen.  Of course I panicked and though I was blocked or something especially because I felt some gurgling in my stomach.  I just drank shit-ton of water though and to my relief I began farting a bunch.  These farts were fucking RANCID.  Like so so so bad.  I had them for about 12 hours before I any poop came out, and they were very frequent...they also smelled like fermented shit and garbage, like they were sitting there forever and couldn't get out.  Once we got back in NJ and I got to sit on my good ol' toilet I took a serious dump.  Even when I've taken bigger shits they've been really soft, which I guess is cool I could really care what my shit is like.  It's def easier on my butthole compared to like harder things coming out of my ass, or INTO my ass zing zing zing.  My dad's older friend who has Crohn's told my dad that after a bowel resection and ostomy reversal your shit will pretty much come out like soft serve ice cream, whatever I'm down.  

Speaking of ice cream, I should really start eating some.  I'm somehow down to fucking weighing 135 pounds again.  I am six feet tall, this is definitely a problem.   As much as I like being a little thinner I think that's a little too serious.  I don't even wanna know what my fucking blood count looks like, I'm sure I'm pretty malnourished or something is wrong.  I've been eating pretty right but for me to be losing a few pounds is probably bad news.  This is me being an idiot vegetarian who is just like "omg no meat" but doesn't even bother to fucking configure a healthy diet.  There is definitely some irony in a moralist vegetarian who chooses not to eat meat but can't even take care of their own human least I think it's ironic.  I actually started drinking those ensure vitamin shakes, I'm trying to have one at least once a day.  I had a bunch in my fridge and for some reason I haven't been drinking them which isn't a great idea.

My bowel movements have been anywhere from 2-6 a day.  If they are less frequent they are more solid and 6 bowel movements usually means that sometimes I just sat on the toilet and shot out some diarrhea.  I haven't really felt any cramping in my stomach which is a good feeling.  

I haven't smoked weed in like two weeks...maybe that's why I lost weight haha.  Need to get back on that munchies schedule, I mean I can surely do it without pot and probably well, I haven't really had the urge to smoke in a while...but probably in a few days or something, we'll see.  I've been kinda afraid of smoke agitating my scar tissue or something but I'll have to try again eventually just to know...or I could always get one of those sick vaporizer things!

Once I actually DO gain some weight, I'm planning on started to run and maybe do some exercising.  I'd like to feel as healthy and energized as possible.  I haven't been that sluggish but after working for a few hours I usually come home and take a nap. This is totally fine with me but I know I am out of shape and haven't been in shape for at least a few years so I might as well start now!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

great news:

I don't have a hernia! Cool because I spent like two hours on Tuesday freaking out that I had one. Sometimes trying to look up your symptoms on the internet isn't always the greatest thing to do. I mean unless I have one still and the doctor fucked up but I don't really think that happened. I'm still a little swollen it looks pretty sick, here are two pictures, the second one looks like a leg and the swelling is the knee-cap.
I got reminded how awesome Crohn's pain feels, at least I think it was Crohn's pain. I mean they said there was no Crohn's so maybe it was just a stomach ache? If there was no disease during the surgery I don't know if it could even come back that quickly. So maybe it would just stomach cramping and me not chewing me food or eating bullshit. Even though I'm not eating meat there is a lot of non-meat bullshit you can eat! Kinda didn't realize and have been drinking a shit-ton of lemon snapples and candy bars.

On tuesday I got some sick gluten-free chocolate and vanilla oreos, they are pretty great and I'll probably bring them with me this weekend because I'm driving down to Georgia for Sat to play a show and doing a show in NC on the way down and back. I was thinking of making a weed brownie to hold me over in the car but I'm a little afraid I will fucking freak out in the car and have a bad bad bad trip.

SPEAKING OF bad trip...the other day my friends made special brownies and left one for me in the fridge, but I was out all day and not even planning on eating it for a few days at least, i'm a little partied out and taking a break from all that stuff for a while haha. BUT, I got a call that night from my sister, who apparently snacked on the brownie along with my new sis-in-law, not knowing it was special. Needless to say she was a wreck all night. She even wrote a message to herself on her arm to talk herself out of freaking out:

So update...I'm in North Carolina right now, it's Friday today we have our first show for the 3 day weekend. So far I've eaten a few meals and not really any cramping, even though I was really afraid. It's hard not to eat bullshit too when all you're making is fast food stops but so far I've had half of a Taco Bell seven layer burrito and some nachos with cheese, McDonalds pancakes and a hash brown, and some pasta and salad from a Cici's pizza.

I've been trying to stay well rested too because I know that's an important part of feeling good along with drinking a lot of fluids and that has also been going well. I've been taking naps anywhere possibly including on a couch in this cafe and on a park bench outside this morning as well as sleeping in the car during part of the 12 hour journey down here.

I'm really surprised I have never shitten (is that a word?) my pants since my reversal surgery, I've had some close calls but I'm really holding it down strong. The past few days I have been ripping fucking ridiculous amounts of nasty smelling farts though but I guess that's better than being bloated and not ripping any farts. Also, I videotaped myself taking a diarrhea today to show the fellow band mates after asking them if they wanted to see a performance of our show last week hahaha, I mean they totally knew it was of me taking a crazy shit but they still watched it.

I went to my doctor's last week and he said I was doing really great, very impressed. It was also my regular doctor who gave me the advice to do what I feel comfortable doing and not to push my body so I feel better about leaving to play drums for this weekend. He said I have to start weighing every week to keep track of that and start recording how many times I go to the bathroom. I don't think he meant record with a camera but whatever!

I've been taking B12 supplements along with the 6mp, next week I'm gonna go to my non-stomach doctor to get some blood-work done and maybe even get a B12 shot but I think the supplements are working okay. I wasn't sure if I should start taking regular vitamin supplements too because they might be binding or be a little rough on my stomach.

Tonight we are playing New Bern, NC and tomorrow we're in Atlanta GA. Lotsa driving and lots of farting but it's going to be a great time.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

chocolate rain

Diarrhea is pouring out of my asshole right now like so serious.  Chocolate Tropical rainstorms...I guess it is a relief considering I just ate a good amount of sushi and I was afraid the same constipation probably I ran into last week would happen again.  That problem eased up after a few days, I really think that Arnica Montana supplement helped.  The swelling looked really ridiculousthatpicture I posted didn't really do it justice you needed to see it from like a bird's eye view...the right si
e of my stomach jutted out like at least an inch and a half compared to the right side.  It was really scary actually, I had another dream that I was in the hospital about to get surgery again it sucked, I think the kid from heavyweights was in the room also with a bunch of other kids and they were all about to get the same surgery.   There's been a few times when the whole marijuana thing worked against me, it gave me serious worries about how I was going to get sick again a few times and that was no fun, I think this dream might have been after one of those times.

When I was all swollen last week I kinda just lied around and didn't eat because I was afraid...those are like the two things you are NOT supposed to do.  Even if it's scary to eat, like you kinda need to, it helps push the other shit out.  And even if you feel week or hurt a little you gotta walk it helps move everything around.  I was really good at walking a lot in the hospital I don't know why I assumed once I was home I could just be a bum and watch spongebob all day.

Done pooping...I could take a picture but I feel like no one really wants to see my shit maybe that's taking it too far?  I mean it was just all black murky water anyways.  The other day I did eat corn though and it all came out pretty much how it went in, but also caked in shit.  My butthole feels okay actually, it was really itchy after I pooped but besides that it wasn't so bad.  

I'm down to one pill a day, just my 50mg of 6mp.  Finally off of fucking steroids I'm really happy about that, they aren't great to be on forever they thin your bones out and shit, and I was on them like for like at least two months out of this year.  I've been feeling really good actually it's weird, I've felt well enough to play drums a few days at the beginning of this week.  I mean...the doctor said "I wouldn't do any strenuous physical activity and I usually tell my patients not to lift more than 8 pounds."  But he wasn't my actual surgeon he was like an associate.  I mean he's a good guy for sure, but my other surgeon is just like "don't do anything that hurts or doesn't feel right to your body", which I think is definitely a better guideline to go by.  

My sleep schedule has been fucked lately, I've been awake from like 1pm into the 3-5ams recently this week, I'm not sure if it's me reverting back to the hospital ways of being woken up so early, or if it's just me PARTYIN all summer.  Either way it's a bummer because I have started working again!  Which is cool I think but I gotta get my sleeping schedule back on track.  

Besides the diarrhea I'm not really sick anymore, and the swelling still I guess.  Hopefully the Crohn's won't really come back for a while, or EVER that would be nice.  I'm still not eating meat, I was really craving like a burger the other day but I'll be okay for a few months I think.  Sushi is like one of my favorite foods and eating it made me feel like I could resist meat for a little longer, I still would like to go to Red Lobster soon or something  I'm afraid to drink soda again since that time I went to Chipotle, I'm sure it didn't help.  I'm probably better off without soda anyway.  But what I'm saying is that I DONT FUCKING KNOW WHAT TO WRITE ABOUT.  I'm not really a complainer so I can't even play up the sick thing because it'd just be wah-wah for no reason.

Today I took a shit in my dad's office and we were out of toilet paper, so I had to sit and wait for like 10 minutes f0r them to find some.  While I was waiting I looked under the sink and found a mouse stuck to a glue trap.  Me being a vagina/hippie I decided to take him after I pooped, pull him off the glue trap, rinse him off on the sidewalk so the glue comes off, put him in a box, bring him to my house and give him peanut butter and a cracker, and then take him to the woods by me and release him.  I don't even know if mouses fucking live in the woods, or if they like peanut butter, but everyone likes peanut butter I feel like so whatever.  Anyway, none of this probably mattered because one of the mouse's legs seemed to be a little broken because it wasn't using it and hopping/rolling around...and to top that off it fucking rained so hard today that I'm sure he drowned in the stream I placed him by or something.

Ok ttyl guests are here.

Okay I'm back shitting my brains out again!  We are in the process of making brownies.  But I'm glad that while we were eating sushi today I stopped like halfway through the meal because if I kept eating it would have been bad news.  It's hard being Italian and not eating insane amounts of food...but I can't really chalk up the gluttony thing to my culture that is way too cheap, every culture kinda revolves around food.  I think it's more of the human thing haha people like to eat.  But my family is really all about the food, hence the bakery and everything and we certainly don't have great eating habits.  My dad prefers the shovel shit into my mouth method, and is all about late night snacking at the fridge and putting his fingers in the peanut butter.  Not bad talking him I love that guy, but it's hard to pace yourself when the person you're eating with is mouth-raping his food.

Okay time to wipe and I'm not going to touch the keyboard after that, I'm not that grimy.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Live from...

That's right, TOILET UPDATE!  I've been bringing my laptop in with me to the bathroom for whenever I poop because it's a good way to kill time.  Usually once I feel the urge to go it comes out pretty quick, but then there's always a second cramp wave that comes a little after that if I catch I can get some more poop out.  I ate a tuna sandwich last night, and it reeks like tuna in here, but I guess it's better than it reeking like shit.  

My stomach is swollen still on the right side where the ostomy used to be.  I'm not sure if it got better or worse, but I'm still pooping so I guess I can't really complain.  I'm actually worried because I've been pooping on a normal schedule, and I feel like that's way to soon for that to be happening.  It's most likely normal because the poop is probably having a hard time getting through the swollen part, but whenever I eat it tends to push the old poop out so it's okay.

I just picked up some Arnica Montana from GNC, which is some like homeopathic treatment which should help reduce the swelling.  Hopefully it works!  It might take a few days but I got no rush.  I got my staples taken out yesterday and I asked about the swelling and he said it is normal, most likely some blood clotting or a little adhesions or inflammation.  My other doctor called today and wasn't really worried either, I guess I'm the only person really worried!  Blood clots are more likely in people that smoke so there's a reason that it's stupid that I do smoke.

I actually was really worried all day and the night before too.  I had another dream where I was in a room with a bunch of other guys and we were all about to get surgery and I didn't understand why I needed to get it again it.  I guess I'm just really worried because things are going pretty well and I'm used to some petty bullshit happening.  This swelling has started to ease up a little I think and I'm still def pooping at least twice a day so I can't really have any complaints.

Here's what my franken-tummy looks like now, you can kinda see the swollen-tenderness on my right side:

And Yes, that is a BAITHING SUIT.  I'm going swimming!  Or I'm about to take a bath, either way I'm getting wet I guess, which I haven't really done since like Feb.  I'm pretty excited to be completely-submerged in water, even though I technically could have gone swimming with the bag I never did because it didn't really start getting nice out till recently.

By the way, I totally got denied when I asked if I can video-tape the staples out.  But it really was anti-climactic, it didn't really hurt.  Just watch staple removals on youtube, the guy who did mine (who also lanced my first rectal abscess) was really quick, it took like a minute and a half tops.  I asked if my mom could videotape, and he just laughed and said "no", which is probably better off because my mom was telling me she would pass out if she had to watch it.

My birthday was great, my sister got engaged and the whole weekend-into this week was a really nice time.  I should be seeing both my surgeon and my GI doctor within two weeks so hopefully that will go over well.  I am starting the 6MP again as of today and I am down to 10mg of Prednisone, tomorrow I'll start 5 for a few days and then I'll be done.  I just pooped a little again!

Friday, July 17, 2009

butt burn

Yesterday was the worst day in regards to butt burn.  I'm lucky enough to have a shower right next to my toilet, sometimes after I poop I'll just jump right in and spread my shit like a cop was about to do a cavity search or something haha.  I'm not sure why I thought it was a good idea to eat a veg burrito from Chipotle yesterday, resulted in bad bad diarrhea.  After we went to Chipotle me and my cousins went to Barnes and Noble, (where I blew up the toilet), then Rite-Aid where I got some new tools.  Meet my new friends:

Some Indian lady that worked at Rite-Aid was grillin me when she saw me carrying all these things.  I took notice and yelled across an aisle or two to my cousins "Yo guys, do you know where the other stuff for my hemorrhoids is?"  No shame.

After I ate the burrito from Chipotle I had like two episodes of diarrhea then I felt constipated for like 14 hours which was really scary because I've been pooping really frequently.  Fortunately when I woke up I went and it was actually really solid which is cool because my butt got a break.

But, after those two diarrhea episodes I decided I should maybe try to shave my butt a little.  Besides the occasional finger from your mom, there was really no activity going on down there when I had the bag besides the bi/tri-weekly poop, so I really had no reason to be maintaining the gardening.  I hope I'm not the only guy who would regularly shave the innards of his ass.  Wow this blog is really going downhill.

I had no razors in my new bathroom besides this fucking awful one from the hospital...I still decided to go for it:

Probably not the best kind of razor to use on such an irritated area, but I had to get the job done, it was like impossible to apply any ointment with all of that mess going on.  Seriously though, I felt like Teddy Roosevelt hackin' his way through the jungle across the Panama Canal or some shit.  Only instead of the Panama Canal it was my gooch!  

So most of the early part of today (Friday) I was a little uncomfortable from the poop pressure/constipation, so even after I pooped I decided to not really eat until dinner time.  This kinda just made me feel weak and shitty all day but I was really afraid I was gonna have a problem if I ate anything.  Eventually I had a veggie burger, they rule.  This is a meal I made for breakfast the other day yum:
Veggie burger, organic eggs & toast, tofu cheese, and some organic ketchup.  Idk why I have all this hippie food in my fridge, my mom supplied me with all of it!  But it really tastes fine so I will probably keep eating it even once I feel good enough to go shopping for my own food.  I also just ate a boca-meatless chicken patty a few hours ago and it was DELISH.

This is going to be a great weekend.  Fucking Spongbob marathon all weekend, even at night.  Like it's on right now I'm probably going to watch it after I finish writing this!  10 new episodes on sun too!  Party for my BIRTHDAY in a few hours.  

I think Buster knew it was my birthday because a little bit after midnight me and Marley were on the couch and he decided to do this and help create the funniest picture ever (no homo): 

Next week they are taking out my staples!  I'm gonna try to video-tape it, I found a bunch of videos of people getting them taken out on youtube so I think they'll let me hopefully.  It's not supposed to hurt really which rules, just tug a little.  They feel okay no, they're still a little irritated by the waistband but it's not so bad, I'll only have them for a few more days anyway.

Monday, July 13, 2009

home sweet home

It feels good to be home, it really does.  Just to be moved into a new house, with like all new awesome shit, and WIRELESS INTERNET (something I have never had in my house and am so stoked about), things are looking pretty good.  

Between today and yesterday my poop has started to come out more solid in little meatball-like nuggets.

Not too bad!  Still when I get the urge to go I freeze because I'm not sure if I should make a run for the toilet or hold it in and let it pass a little before trying to make a move.  So far I have not shit my pants even a little bit, and my butthole feels pretty okay!  Having wipes is a big help too.  Gotta love those medicated hemorrhoidal/vaginal hygienic cleansing pads.  They keep my butt fresh, and keep my vagina even fresher!  Even when I use one pad for both spots!  Ew alright sorry.

Okay so this is going to be hard to explain but I will give it a shot.  

My first night home sleeping in bed, I kept having nightmares about how I was back in the hospital.  It happened in several dreams, and in every dream the reasoning was "You're not shitting, you gotta go to the hospital".  I'm chalking this up to my brain being so used to my body constantly shitting, and since that no longer happens my brain was probably a little confused.  Also the fact that the bag isn't there probably confused me too.  These dreams were really awful, who the fuck wants to be back in the hospital ever?  Especially when you think you're fine.  Fortunately, I woke up in the morning very very very very relieved.  I seriously thought some awful shit happened again it was a scary night.

Not as "scary"...or interesting at least as the next night.  My discharge instructions from the hospital were very simple, I was going home on no medications really, besides the prednisone which we decided that we were going to taper off even though there is no Crohn's left in me.  One guy said don't taper just stop completely, someone else said take 20mg or 30mg for the weekend at least and then talk to my actual GI doctor and figure out a plan.  I actually just made up my own tapering plan and ran it by my doctor today and he said it was fine.  I know my shit duh, it's not really hard to do.

Okay so as the nurse is reading me my going home instructions, she asks "do you smoke?"  Of course me having no shame "yeah I smoke weed, I have Crohn's" blah blah.  But I knew that smoking slows down the healing process so I agreed to not do it until I'm feeling much better and able to.  BUT.  No one said anything about baking weed into a cake!

More like teenagescumbag...seriously!  I'll try no to just talk about how I'm a stoner all the time because I really don't think I am that much but it seems like whenever I update this thing I'm talking about crazy marijuana antics.  Then again weed is arguably a key factor in someone with a stomach disease's life.  It depends how you look at it, I'm not gonna be the fucking hippy justifying my smoking with scientific facts, but I'm not going to say that it doesn't help because it definitely does.  But, let's also point out that I am having NO stomach pains at all right now, they actually labeled me "Crohn's free" from when they saw my insides at the surgery.  That doesn't mean I'm free of the disease, statistically it eventually comes back...but still I am in great shape.  

There was no other reason for me to be under the influence of marijuana besides me just wanting to haha.   I was smart enough to pass up on the few offers to smoke already, because I am trying to get better, but I'm also just trying to have a good time still!  Shit, I am pretty much living inside for a few weeks anyway might as  well make it a little more interesting.

That being said, I never tried weed-cooking and when my friends were telling me how much more serious it is when you actually try it, maybe I should have actually believed them.  I was so gone like really ridiculous.  Enough of that though, I will just say that ironically this situation ended up doing some harm to me and my situation.  Because I had the fucking giggles all night, I was actually a little sore today from laughing so hard.  

Hey, if it makes me seem like any less of a recreational-drug abuser, I will take this opportunity to point out that in the hospital after they took me off of Morphine and onto Percocets orally, I took NONE.  So after the first day of recovering from surgery, I took no pain medication at all.  I do kinda have high pain tolerance, but I also figured as long as my blood pressure wasn't really high like it was the day before I didn't really need to take any pain-killers.  Really I probably could've taken them and they would've only helped me relax maybe and heal, but I felt fine.  And I really don't fucking like oral painkillers, even though morphine through an IV is pretty much stronger juice, once I felt like I didn't need anything I didn't take it.

And even though I was totally not coherent, I watched what I ate though of course, I'm not going to be the fucking idiot eating two cheeseburgers EVER again.  In fact, I still haven't eaten any meat.  Just a bunch of tofu cheese sandwiches, and lots of shrimp and pasta.  I'm planning on keeping it up for a while and maybe eventually introducing chicken if I feel the need to.  But I have no desire to as of now, and I'm usually pretty good at committing to something once I start it...I'm just not great at starting something haha.

So I was a little achy today (monday), but it wasn't even much worse so I can't really complain.  I also woke up still fucked up, and spent 10am from 2:30pm on the couch watching cartoons and napping/zoning.  I came to around 3pm and then spent the rest of the day writing music, and watching some more sweet nickelodeon.  I can't figure out why I have gotten so into spongebob squarepants, but it's great.  And no, I started watching it before I started smoking all the time.  Spongebob was on the TV today for at least 3 or 4 hours haha.  Plus iCarly gotta love it.  

My staples feel okay, they're a little irritated towards the bottom from my waistband rubbing on them, so as a result I am sleeping pantless/underwear-less in bed.  Something I used to do at home anyway, not a big deal, as long as Buster doesn't decide to throw a punch or something.  

This reminds me of the time I was recovering from a perianal abcess and Buster stretched his paw out directly into my asshole.  Fuck that was so awful.

I'm recovering pretty fast.  For almost being able to make completely solid shit not even a week after surgery is a great thing.  I've heard horror stories about awful diarrhea and pains and I'm glad none of it is happening to me besides the sudden urge to shit.  I'm only going probably like 4-7 times a day which is fine already!  


Saturday, July 11, 2009


One of these:
I mean I can't really least everything is working to a degree.  They put me on solids yesterday and I've been eating and the stomach pain has been very tolerable up until I feel the sudden urge to take squirt out a pint of chocolate syrup.


The incision and stapling gets staggeringly better every day, I guess today my lungs feel like they can expand enough to sneeze.  That wasn't too bad I guess but it was very very scary. 

Okay so like I was sayin, poop has been coming out.  Probably after I eat something it comes out in like twenty minutes.  My bowels are still readjusting and getting used to absorbing things I guess but for now they're just squeezing stuff through.  I can try to hold it on and I can probably for an hour or two if I am laying down, but I will feel some bubbling and discomfort so it's better just to not even bother.  Probably in the past 2 days I've gone like 12 times.  Gone through like 2 and a half packs of wipes.  Burning butt blisters are really inevitable but I'm going to try to prolong it for as long as I can.  A bidet would really be handy!  Here's what my first shit, and pretty much all of them look like.  By the way, I feel like I'm fucking 2 again:

"Joey's first doodie out of his fanny into the potty yay!  Take a picture!"   

The lady who cleans the room is talking to me right now and I really don't know what she is saying but I am trying to agree to the parts she sounds like she feels positive about but it's really kinda difficult.   It'd be okay if it was just like a minute but it's been like 10 minutes, okay we just talked about the world cup and now she's gone...she's really nice though!  I'm just not good at hearing through the latin accent.

Fuck sorry for these asides but they are happening right now so maybe that makes them important?  

They took me off IV fluids yesterday, I can almost stand up perfectly straight.  I stepped on a scale this morning:

Hopefully this is the least I will ever weigh ever again.  For a guy that's 6 feet tall I'm pretty slim right now.  Looking forward to just living on a couch for a week and digging into some ice cream.  Not looking forward to possibly shitting my pants a bunch of times, but the walk to the bathroom is only a few feet at home anyway so hopefully I'll make it every time!

Here is what I ate yesterday, the first day I was allowed to have solids:


Life is looking really awesome right now.  New computer, new house, NEW CAR WHAT.  My sister came by the hospital yesterday in this ol' bad boy.  

Awesome awesome awesome 2009 Honda Ciciv Hybrid.  So excited, my family rules.  All it took was  5 hospitalizations which time-wise probably add up to a total of 2 months, excessive vomiting and pain, 2 surgeries, a colonoscopy and ileoscopy, probably about 80 needles, extreme stomach pain, a torn bowel and serious internal infection, 23 inches of my intestines cut out and thrown away,  4 NG tubes shoved down my nose, probably 3 or 4 catscans, a dozen xrays, and small bowel series, lots of morphine, painkillers, crying, stress, family arguments, and lots of sitting on the toilet pulling the hair out of my head, 28 staples in my abdomen, having a shitbag for like 5 months, being confined to a bed for about another month at home, not being able to really walk right for a month, a few lubed fingers of grown men in my asshole, losing like 30 pounds and struggling with my weight, not eating real food for probably a month, drinking 2 glasses of laxative metamucil every day, most likely hundreds of pills and counting, and a whole bunch of other bullshit, and I'm only 18! 

Just kidding, I don't even feel sorry for myself for a second, that would be pathetic and defeat the whole purpose of this blog.  I just want to try and justify how spoiled I am right now hahaha because my life is fucking awesome.  Be jealous because I wouldn't give up what I do for anything.  I have the best family in the fucking world and you can't have them!  I've been through a lot but it can't ever justify how lucky I really am to have such great people in my life, and having awesome friends also helps.

I'm think I'm done being a "sick" kid for a while now though.  I mean these next few weeks are gonna be rough but after that I feel like I'm kinda turning the page to another chapter in my life.  Not like I'm putting all of this shit behind me and forgetting about it because that I would NEVER do that, but so many things have changed this past year it's practically impossible to just resume the regular life I was living, and that's probably for the better because I had some really shitty habits.  I'm going to start exercising, really eating right, and start putting myself before everything else at times when it comes to my health.  

I am a bit concerned, because I really don't know what I'm going to write about from now on.  I'm sure I will still find a bunch of things, I like writing these, but I don't wanna turn this into me being full of myself and writing about "my thoughts" and "feelings" that shit's kinda pretentious I think haha even though I am obviously still doing that to some extent.  I am planning on still keeping this blog called the same thing, because even though I don't have an ostomy bag anymore, I'm still a pretty grimy kid hahaha.  Doesn't mean I'm not a nice person!  I'm just a little gross.  

Today is my mom's birthday so I'm really glad to be going home today.  My birthday is next week!

Thanks to all of my friends who have been reading this and being really supportive, or anyone who has even looked at this or posted it anywhere or anything.  It's really fucking cool and this thing has really helped me get through these past few months.  It's hard to really tell people about it when I can't really tweet or facebook status update hahaha.

I'll post in a few days as soon as some cool shit happens...

Tonight on iCarly sam's "twin sister" goes on a date with Freddie, I can't wait.

Ow fuck okay gotta go shit again ttyl.

Thursday, July 9, 2009


...At least that's the way I always feel, but it's not always the case.  Your body needs to be in kinda of a relaxed state to be able to heal well.  Unfortunately, (but sometimes fortunately?) my pain tolerance is really high so I never feel like I'm in a lot of pain and that it could always be worse.  It's cool because I'm never really miserable, but I guess I should try and tune in and be a little more sympathetic to my body sometimes.

This is my morphine dispenser, if you push the button it will give you 1mg of morphine.  The max limit you could press the button is once every 10 minutes.   After my surgery on Tuesday I woke up and pushed my morphine button about 6 times before up until like 8PM, and I got a shot of dilaudin (no that's not what MJ got) when I woke up.  Once I was in the room I was tolerating the pain fine and I didn't even really think about even pushing the button until the next day.  

By like 2PM the next day I only pushed it like twice more, and once was actually my mom pushing it once by accident when we got up to walk haha.  They took my catheter out yesterday morning and I began peeing normally like an our or two after it was out.  A few minutes after they took it out, we got up to walk for the first time.  They wanted me walking at least four times a day which is what I did, but I did a pretty serious amount of laps every time so I def was trying to push myself.  It was a little painful of course, but compared to my last surgery this is a walk in the park haha.  I'm still a little weak and I haven't passed anything from my butt, but as I was walking I felt some gurgling/intestines waking up and I started burping.  

Every time the nurses came in they took my vitals and my blood pressure was really high, usually my systolic number (top number) was over 140 and eventually was over 150.  I was still feeling fine but they said that number is usually your body responding to pain and that I should try and take some more.  Once a doctor came in too and told me the same thing I started doing it a little more.   I was trying to save it for when the pain got worse because the last time it took 3 days for all the anaesthesia to flush out of my body and then after that I was in way more pain...but I don't really think that will happen this time, or at least not as severe.  

Also, morphine slows down your digestive tract a little bit so I figured if I wasn't in dire need of it then I wouldn't take it.  But once my head started getting a little heavy and I got a little headache from the blood pressure I decided to start taking some more shots.  I'm still only up to 25 now, and they're taking me off of it today since they're putting me on liquids and now I can take percocets by mouth...not really a fan of percocet but I'll take them if I gotta I guess, trying to be a tough guy doesn't really help the situation. 

My surgeon came in like an hour ago and took my padding off and then proceeded to poke around for a few minutes.  I felt like he was throwing jabs at my stomach haha but I guess he just wanted to make sure everything was alright:

Looks pretty sweet!  Gotta love that nice shave job they did haha.  He told me to just watch the area on the right where the stoma was for like oozing or extra pain because that means it's infected and that is no good.  Where the fuck did my bellybutton go?  They said I'll probably have a little one afterwards haha I guess we'll see.  The plan as of now is to start me on liquids today, see how that goes, and then gradually advance my diet.  They were talking about maybe even sending me home this weekend which would be sick.  They said they'll probably take these staples out in like two weeks, that's going to be some serious shit haha, we'll see how that goes when the time comes.

They just took my blood pressure and it's pretty much back to normal so that's a good sign!  I'm gonna take it real easy with the liquids so my stomach doesn't freak out and I don't puke, so hopefully that will work out.

Can't wait for the frequent battery acid diarrhea I've been reading so much about!

Side note:  Yesterday on full house Danny Tanner kissed DJ's spanish teacher.  And this morning on Saved by the Bell, Zack's father kissed Miss Bliss.  Both relationships did not work out.  Also yesterday Sabrina the teenage witch farted.  iCarly's brother joined a rock band but got kicked out.  Spongebob did a bunch of typical spongebob shit,  And Victoria Stilwell turned two people's canine relationships around on Animal Planet's new hit series "It's Me or The Dog"