Thursday, August 27, 2009

"holy fucking shit"

That's probably what most people think when they smell my farts.  That's usually what I think when they come out of me because they are fucking awful.  Like deathly awful clear the room for 5 whole minutes.  I wish there was some way I could upload the fucking smell on here but it would probably fry people's computers and shit.  

Usually I get serious farts when food isn't coming out of me right's like it's just sitting there and slowly being digested/decomposed into atomic shitty gas bombs.  It's all about drinking liquids and flushin stuff out.  I chugged like 40oz of water after a meal and it gave me pretty instant water diarrhea.  Not to say it like pushed that food I just ate out that wouldn't make sense, but it certainly cleaned things up in my pipes.  I should just drink a fucking bunch of water all the time, or fruit juice or something.  I guess the goal is to shit a lot, but I thought that wasn't the goal a few weeks ago?  I remember my doctor being glad that I was constipated after the surgery because it's obviously better than shitting all the time.  But not pooping a lot results in the worst kind of farts I think I've ever brewed up in my colon.  

Most of those deadly farts feel like a highly pressured bomb until they come out.  Also when they come out it's really forcefully like it was stuck and built up and not all of it came out.  Even when I poop sometimes it comes out a little narrow like there's still some scar tissue causing some problems.  Of course if this is my biggest problem I guess I can't really be too upset.  And I'm not really that much, but if you caught a sniff of one of these things you would definitely think something is wrong.

I just kind of realized I might of taken two 6-mp today by accident and I am kinda freaking out.  Mostly (safety i just farted wow) because I am a little high right now, that's usually when I get in hypochondriac mode.  You know the typical heightened anxiousness and proneness to anxiety attacks?  It's in a book I'm sure.  But anyway, I was freaking out for a second even though it could barely throw me out of a wack especially if I only take two for one day.  But then I realized, my pill-pusher of a doctor (but that statistics are so true, it works!  just look at all these fucking cool graphs and percentages) was trying to put me on 100mg anyways eventually haha.  I only take 50 now, so I mean 100 is still a reasonable dose, and apparently an apt one too for good ol' Crohnsy me!  I still haven't called him after the surgery to schedule a follow up I probably should.  I don't know if he's really trying to raise the dosage now, I mean apparently I'm doing great or something.

So when I was at the doctor's last week the guy who gave me my B-12 shot said "oh man that was weird going through you, it felt like cutting steak!" hahaha.  Sometimes I think of the scene where I am asleep and my fucking guts are out on the table and the surgeon was cutting my intestines like they were some fine Italian delicacy.  Trust me there is some fucking crazy Italian delicacies that probably would even top that anyway though haha.  But seriously, someone just like ripping a surgical knife through my abdomen and then my insides is a fucking crazy thing to think about.  I like to look at my scar and imagine all that sometimes, it's like a crazy scene to imagine.  Some guy singin' his jovial hi ho' dum dee dum dum anthem at work fucking dicing me up.  Fucking SCIENCE bro.  My life is in that guys hand, or any of the people around him.

Some things I remember before my surgery and being put out:

1.  Me saying lightly "good luck" kinda laughing to my surgeon and his assistant saying "don't worry, we'll be fine, you don't have to wish us luck!"  and then my surgeon laughing and saying "No we'll take it!  It can't hurt"  This made me laugh and put me in a good mood.  
2.  Two guys trying to scrub all adhesive glue and gunk from a sticker/wafer/shit being on my skin for like five months.  
3.  Being shaved.
4.  My arms extended all the way out on both sides and I'm wearing one of those silly shower/surgery cap things.
5.  Being naked but then them covering up my genitals and feeling way better about that because I'm pretty sure it was fucking freezing.
6.  Being extremely glad this surgery was under way more relaxing circumstances.  I remember I was in so much pain before the emergency one that they had to help me from the hospital bed onto the big surgery bed and that it was so painful.  It was way easier to do without the ripped bowels this time.  

Crazy stuff.  Anyway, I've been eating so much fish that I actually checked which ones are high in mercury because I actually got a little worried haha.  I feel pretty good I've just been relaxing this weekend and enjoying what's left of my summer.  Even though I am extending my Summer mentality essentially until next June, where Summer will resume again.  Pending on if that all goes well I will probably do it for the rest of my life. 

Saturday, August 22, 2009

munchmunchmunchiez bro

What's the best way to gain 10 pounds in 2 weeks, despite normally having no appetite?  Does anyone know?

I do!  

So now I'm 145, maybe 5 more pounds and I'm good.  Even though I'm a little tall I'm kinda slender and not that wide so any extra weight goes to my gut.  

Yesterday I got a B12 shot and got a bunch of bloodwork done, I'm pretty curious to see if I'm very malnourished still, I've been eating a lot and I feel a lot more energized, and I'm sure the B12 will help.  My doctor yesterday said I'm the man because people break his balls about bullshit all the time and I am the man and just like pretty calm about it.  He said to me "You get life."  

Eventually I would like to not be on 6-MP anymore I am going to talk to my Doctor in NY about it soon.  Of course he's gonna put a bunch of statistics in my face about how much more likely I will get back in a flare up and have acting up Crohn's...but something about taking immunosuppresants for life makes me feel a little uneasy.  My white blood count is still fine, he might even want to UP the dosage to 100mg but I'm really not down for that at all.  Of course it's all about weighing out the good and bad things, and it's hard to think about how bad having Crohn's symptoms are when you aren't really having any at all.

My bowel movements are about like 2-5 a day at this point.  I pretty much always wake up having to go which is a good thing I think!  The days where it's only like 2 times a day I usually panic, but then I realize that most normal people only really go once or twice so there's nothing really wrong with that at all!  Being normal scares me I guess because I'm so used to things being out of wack.

Life is good.

Thursday, August 13, 2009


Not like I really take these things for 100% serious but what the fuck?

They are chiefly inclined towards gastric troubles, and they must be extremely careful in regard to shellfish and such things. Inflammatory diseases, such as rheumatism, are also likely to attack them, and trouble with the legs and feet.."

FUCK YOU FATE.  or science. either one

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


I'm home from my weekend of eating pop-tarts and junk food and sleeping in the back of a car!  It went alright health wise, except for our show on Sunday.  That afternoon I remember eating like 4 pop-tarts and eating at least ten handfuls of cheese goldfish crackers.  The two things the doctors always stressed after this reversal surgery were to always chew your food very very well, and to eat small portioned meals, about like six a day.  The chewing thing is actually way difficult to do, it's hard to make food get to the point of liquid mush without swallowing it, especially if you're used to swallowing it only after a few bites.  Unfortunately I still haven't mastered the chewing many times thing without swallowing...BUT I have mastered the "regurgitate your food like a fucking bird and chew it a few more times" method.  It feels very gross, but I'm sure it helps me digest a little more.  Another tip the doctor's always tell you to keep things moving in your bowels is to drink lots of fluids to keep things moving, even if it makes you pee a bunch it's better than not pooping.  

So obviously the gorging myself with shitty junk food thing was not a good idea.  Especially since I barely drank anything afterwards.  The one thing I did drink a few hours later moments before our set on Sunday was a tiny can of Red Bull.  I usually drink one because they help me not get extremely fatigued during our set.  They aren't your greatest thing for your stomach though, and they are lightly carbonated.  Needless to say, after our set I fucking puked outside:

A combination of the food and the drink and the extreme heat and physical exhaustion probably caused this to happen.  Of course I panicked and though I was blocked or something especially because I felt some gurgling in my stomach.  I just drank shit-ton of water though and to my relief I began farting a bunch.  These farts were fucking RANCID.  Like so so so bad.  I had them for about 12 hours before I any poop came out, and they were very frequent...they also smelled like fermented shit and garbage, like they were sitting there forever and couldn't get out.  Once we got back in NJ and I got to sit on my good ol' toilet I took a serious dump.  Even when I've taken bigger shits they've been really soft, which I guess is cool I could really care what my shit is like.  It's def easier on my butthole compared to like harder things coming out of my ass, or INTO my ass zing zing zing.  My dad's older friend who has Crohn's told my dad that after a bowel resection and ostomy reversal your shit will pretty much come out like soft serve ice cream, whatever I'm down.  

Speaking of ice cream, I should really start eating some.  I'm somehow down to fucking weighing 135 pounds again.  I am six feet tall, this is definitely a problem.   As much as I like being a little thinner I think that's a little too serious.  I don't even wanna know what my fucking blood count looks like, I'm sure I'm pretty malnourished or something is wrong.  I've been eating pretty right but for me to be losing a few pounds is probably bad news.  This is me being an idiot vegetarian who is just like "omg no meat" but doesn't even bother to fucking configure a healthy diet.  There is definitely some irony in a moralist vegetarian who chooses not to eat meat but can't even take care of their own human least I think it's ironic.  I actually started drinking those ensure vitamin shakes, I'm trying to have one at least once a day.  I had a bunch in my fridge and for some reason I haven't been drinking them which isn't a great idea.

My bowel movements have been anywhere from 2-6 a day.  If they are less frequent they are more solid and 6 bowel movements usually means that sometimes I just sat on the toilet and shot out some diarrhea.  I haven't really felt any cramping in my stomach which is a good feeling.  

I haven't smoked weed in like two weeks...maybe that's why I lost weight haha.  Need to get back on that munchies schedule, I mean I can surely do it without pot and probably well, I haven't really had the urge to smoke in a while...but probably in a few days or something, we'll see.  I've been kinda afraid of smoke agitating my scar tissue or something but I'll have to try again eventually just to know...or I could always get one of those sick vaporizer things!

Once I actually DO gain some weight, I'm planning on started to run and maybe do some exercising.  I'd like to feel as healthy and energized as possible.  I haven't been that sluggish but after working for a few hours I usually come home and take a nap. This is totally fine with me but I know I am out of shape and haven't been in shape for at least a few years so I might as well start now!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

great news:

I don't have a hernia! Cool because I spent like two hours on Tuesday freaking out that I had one. Sometimes trying to look up your symptoms on the internet isn't always the greatest thing to do. I mean unless I have one still and the doctor fucked up but I don't really think that happened. I'm still a little swollen it looks pretty sick, here are two pictures, the second one looks like a leg and the swelling is the knee-cap.
I got reminded how awesome Crohn's pain feels, at least I think it was Crohn's pain. I mean they said there was no Crohn's so maybe it was just a stomach ache? If there was no disease during the surgery I don't know if it could even come back that quickly. So maybe it would just stomach cramping and me not chewing me food or eating bullshit. Even though I'm not eating meat there is a lot of non-meat bullshit you can eat! Kinda didn't realize and have been drinking a shit-ton of lemon snapples and candy bars.

On tuesday I got some sick gluten-free chocolate and vanilla oreos, they are pretty great and I'll probably bring them with me this weekend because I'm driving down to Georgia for Sat to play a show and doing a show in NC on the way down and back. I was thinking of making a weed brownie to hold me over in the car but I'm a little afraid I will fucking freak out in the car and have a bad bad bad trip.

SPEAKING OF bad trip...the other day my friends made special brownies and left one for me in the fridge, but I was out all day and not even planning on eating it for a few days at least, i'm a little partied out and taking a break from all that stuff for a while haha. BUT, I got a call that night from my sister, who apparently snacked on the brownie along with my new sis-in-law, not knowing it was special. Needless to say she was a wreck all night. She even wrote a message to herself on her arm to talk herself out of freaking out:

So update...I'm in North Carolina right now, it's Friday today we have our first show for the 3 day weekend. So far I've eaten a few meals and not really any cramping, even though I was really afraid. It's hard not to eat bullshit too when all you're making is fast food stops but so far I've had half of a Taco Bell seven layer burrito and some nachos with cheese, McDonalds pancakes and a hash brown, and some pasta and salad from a Cici's pizza.

I've been trying to stay well rested too because I know that's an important part of feeling good along with drinking a lot of fluids and that has also been going well. I've been taking naps anywhere possibly including on a couch in this cafe and on a park bench outside this morning as well as sleeping in the car during part of the 12 hour journey down here.

I'm really surprised I have never shitten (is that a word?) my pants since my reversal surgery, I've had some close calls but I'm really holding it down strong. The past few days I have been ripping fucking ridiculous amounts of nasty smelling farts though but I guess that's better than being bloated and not ripping any farts. Also, I videotaped myself taking a diarrhea today to show the fellow band mates after asking them if they wanted to see a performance of our show last week hahaha, I mean they totally knew it was of me taking a crazy shit but they still watched it.

I went to my doctor's last week and he said I was doing really great, very impressed. It was also my regular doctor who gave me the advice to do what I feel comfortable doing and not to push my body so I feel better about leaving to play drums for this weekend. He said I have to start weighing every week to keep track of that and start recording how many times I go to the bathroom. I don't think he meant record with a camera but whatever!

I've been taking B12 supplements along with the 6mp, next week I'm gonna go to my non-stomach doctor to get some blood-work done and maybe even get a B12 shot but I think the supplements are working okay. I wasn't sure if I should start taking regular vitamin supplements too because they might be binding or be a little rough on my stomach.

Tonight we are playing New Bern, NC and tomorrow we're in Atlanta GA. Lotsa driving and lots of farting but it's going to be a great time.