Friday, November 5, 2010


Bada-BOOM BABY! Halloween is always a fun time, especially in Manhattan. I visited my sister and her husband and got to walk through the city dressed as mutha fuckin' Tony the Chooch.

I just put up a new blog that I wrote some time in september and forgot to post titled "lug-nut". A lot of the stuff I am going to talk about right now won't make sense unless you read this post's prequel, "lug-nut". Or maybe it will? Idk...the Star Wars Saga always seemed in-cohesive and shitty to me.

Right now I'm lying in bed with bandages tied around my balls. I got my hydrocelectomy yesterday morning so I'm staying in for a few days. Surprisingly, I was not feeling too shitty after the procedure. My balls look fucking ridiculous though, super swollen. The doctor (and the internet) said that it will probably look worse than it did before for a few weeks until the swelling goes down. It's expected after a surgical nut-shank. I can't imagine being a urologist surgeon, you just cut through dick, balls, and vag all day like some kinda of genital butcher.

When I was in pre-op one of the female surgical assistants introduced herself to me and told me she would be in the room during the procedure. I said "oh you will?" and continued to raise my eyebrows at her for 10 seconds. She eventually laughed, and then I thought to myself how flaccid and
tiny my penis will look in a freezing surgery room. Whatever.

After the surgery I woke up wearing a makeshift jock strap-thong out of medical gauze and bandages. I can't take it off until tomorrow, so I'm just bumming around in PJs all day. The pain isn't that bad, I can walk around and only feel a little discomfort. The area will occasionally throb with some dull pain though. My doctor gave me vicodins to help, but I haven't taken any yet and don't really plan on it unless the pain gets much worse. I'll probably just sell them to some pill junkies, cause honestly what adult do you know that wouldn't say yes to prescribed painkillers? Hopefully some.

Speaking of drugs, I actually did get my volcano vaporizer recently. It's fucking awesome. If you don't believe me, you should come over and try it. I was on the fence about dropping that much money and getting it until I found a site that offered FREE-OVERNIGHT-SHIPPING. My logic was: "No way...I can be ripped TOMORROW? Buy NOW." I haven't really used it since my surgery, but I'm sure I could without any negative affect on the area...I'm just worried that I'll get paranoid and think the government planted a tracking device in my balls.

I've gotta say though, my favorite part of a hydrocelectomy hands down: FREE SHAVE JOB! So precise and so neat, these doctors really know how to mow the lawn.

Crohn's wise, I'm definitely feeling better then when I made that last frustrated post. I've been drinking a lot of those ensure drinks and trying to really watch what I eat. A few glasses of tea every day also help soothe the tummy for me.

I also recently started going for acupuncture, there's a guy who does it like two minutes from my house so it's extremely convenient and easy to do. I noticed that usually after a session my stomach will actually feel better, but if I eat a little too carelessly it will be set back again. I think if I really buckle down on my diet for a few weeks and continue going for acupuncture that I will be feeling much better, so that's the plan for now. As soon as my poofballs go down in size a little, I'm going to start going again. I should be back to my daily routine of school and work starting Monday. Unfortunately, I gotta stay off the drums for a little while...but hopefully I'll be back in action in a few weeks!

Stay shitty.

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