Friday, October 24, 2014

Perianal Abscess Pt.2


For the past 3 days I've been chewing up garlic and rubbing it on/around my asshole.  This is what happens when you are afraid of doctors and use google and natural remedy websites to try and fix your issues.  That being said, I think the garlic is helping this ball of puss go away.

If you don't know what an abscess is, it's essential a boil (in my case, a large one).  It fills up with puss because of an infection.  Your body sends white blood cells to the site of infection and they don't know what the fuck they're doing and the next thing you know you have a red lump the size and hardness of a golf ball in between your butt cheeks.

It basically feels like a smurf is living in my underpants and has decided to grab a large chunk of flesh, twist it up, and hang from it all day long.  It hurts when I cough, sneeze, go to sit down, stand up, or tighten my kegel muscle to stop peeing.  It has been hard to have a regular bowel movement since last February, but it is especially hard now.  I've felt this abscess before in the past few months but it usually subsided in a day or two, this time it is much more intense.

This has happened to me once before, before I was even diagnosed with Crohn's I had a perianal abscess.  It was my first experience in the world of horrible butt stuff.  I wrote about it a very long time ago, but it is available on this blog right here.

These things usually get larger and larger as time passes.  The only things doctors can do to really make them go away is to lance them.  Lance is a medical term for shank.  They bend you over a table and stab it and drain the puss, and then you remember what hell would be like if it exists.  I made the mistake of searching perianal abscess on youtube, I didn't watch all of the video but I sent it to a friend.  He replied with 3 messages:


If you'd like to see what all the hype is about, click right here.

This is what I'm looking at in a couple of weeks if I don't figure out how to fix this by myself.  I'm not too afraid of getting the procedure done.  Pain is only temporary, afterall.  I'm just trying to avoid it because getting an abscess drained is going to put me out of commission for at least 10 days.  Don't really have time for that right now in the midst of student teaching.  That being said, I'm sure I can get a doctor's and go on an excused 10 day bloody-ass vacation, but I would much rather take care of this myself.

So here I am, writhing in pain as garlic burns my gooch and a hard red ball of sensitive skin between my cheek.

This pain isn't as bad as the abscess can be on its own at times.  In the past 3 days I've probably punched an inanimate object and yelled about 14 times just from the pain being so intense.  It usually is only that bad for a second, when it throbs.  I'm not sure if it throbs because it's filling up more or getting smaller, but I'd like to think the latter.

A friend let me have some of his antibiotics a doctor gave to him for a tooth abscess.  They're used to treat any kind of abscess so I'm giving it a shot.  I've been taking them for only a day so I'm hoping in 4 days that it will start to clear up a little more, especially in conjunction with the natural antibiotics I've been taking.

On top of garlic (which is antifungal and fights infection), I've been using oregano oil and clove oil.  All of these things, burn like a MOTHERFUCKER when applied to your skin topically.  The garlic you have to chew a little first then just shove between your cheeks.  There is some between right now!

I've also been making strong  juices, which have always helped my bowel movements.  My one "penance juice" is a lot of garlic, ginger, beet, apple cider vinegar, and a pear.  I call it a penance juice because I'll usually make it after I eat terrible for 3 days to try and clean my slate a little bit.

I did this to myself for sure.  I started eating pizzas and drinking soda and whiskey in the past few months.  Not like before that I was doing great, but it was certainly better than this.  At least I could walk around and not be afraid to sneeze because it would hurt so much.

I'm not sure if the "diy" approach is the best way to deal with your health but it seems to be the route I always choose to take.  I think I lost my faith in most doctors in 2010, and every visit with them since has reassured me that they have no idea what they're doing when it comes to this disease.

If your Western Medicine's best solution to a disease is "let's turn your immune system off", then I don't want much to do with it.

My immune system is still obviously fucked because I have an infection in my butthole.  It's probably all the self-medicating I do with other immune system suppressants (hehe).  Also, my diet has been terrible the past 3 months.  My restaurant of choice has been "7-Eleven".  I eat on the go in my car, it's a mess.  This is mostly out of laziness.  Yeah I've been busy, but it only take 20 minutes to prepare a meal, which is worth the health in the long run.

You start to realize something is wrong with your diet when 80% of the food you eat is already wrapped up and has been sitting on a shelf somewhere for days.  But realizing something is wrong is usually not the hard part for me.  The hard part is usually taking action and making a change about it.

Our society breeds people who want instant gratification.  We live in the fast lane, but we're running on preservatives and growth hormones.  I really hope that I don't have to get this thing lanced and can manage it for the rest of my life.

I basically wrote this to help escape my body a little bit.  Typing fast is a good distraction from the burning cloves of garlic that are clenched between my cheeks.  I wouldn't keep doing this is I thought it didn't work.

My biggest fear is that this thing is going to burst when I go sit down to play drums.  So far it's only been mild discomfort.  I'm tracking for 6 hours tomorrow so hopefully I'll be able to make it through without it effecting my playing.

On the bright side, my bedroom smells like garlic now!  Ladies if your pussy hole wasn't already wet enough from reading this, it's sure to be sopping when you smell my room.

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