Thursday, April 23, 2009


fuck you convatec. you make shitty supplies that fall off anytime I try to do anything. A few days I went to the park to play some kickball with my friends. I'm not the most athletic person so I'm not even running that fast and I feel poop water seeping out under my wafer. Oh and thanks for sending the wrongs supplies 15 fucking times. And why the fuck would you make ostomy bags clear. Do you think anyone wants to look at shit. Really. I hope I meet your president one day so I can cover him in my leaky shit.

I was having such good runs with my wafers sticking to my body. Like 7-9 days on average. The past few times have only been like 4-6. The only thing I changed really is that I've been trying to shower every day. I guess that idea is out of the window...whatever in Europe it's like once a week anyway.

I get home and go in the shower, I conveniently ate buffalo wings 2 hours prior so I am spewing shit water out of my stoma with like 12 inch trajectory. Changing my bag was awesome. Spewing shit and chewed up chicken bits on my own chest is awesome. I took a sick picture on my phone of my stoma covered in chicken bits and shitwater but I just accidentally deleted it. Cool. This situation did give me a pretty sweet idea though that hopefully I'll be able to elaborate more on soon.

Oh man I just remembered something that happened when I was in the hospital.

So a representative from convatec came in to get our order for the bags and everything. I had already had the bag for a few days, we were just ordering for when I got home. She said something about changing the bag every day (which there is no need to do at all, I do every 3 usually, sometimes 2 or 4 even. but then it starts to smell after too long kinda.) We had already been visited by other nurses who said you should change the bag around every 2 or 3 days. My mom asked the lady, something like "I thought people changed it every few days, not every day." I swear this is what the lady replied:

"Yeah...if you don't have health insurance. Hah!."

Are you fucking serious. I should have punched you in the mouth. How is that funny. I fucking hate some people, and some companies.


Doctors are really important with Crohn's disease, because if you have a shitty one you can end up really fucked, and Crohn's disease IS treatable and can be maintained. I really believe anyone that has it can get it under control it just might take some time.

One of my doctor's had the same mannerisms as the genie from aladdin. Really nice guy. A little...flamboyant? One of the first times I saw him he went to go stick his finger in my butt. Not like he was into me, like a medical procedure checking for like abcesses or swelling or anything, not my prostate. My mom just left the room, I'm still trying to like get a read of this guy. All of a sudden he saws those eight magic words:

"Now let's take a look at that fanny".

Whatever, at least he's cool about it. I'd rather have that than some straight ass man that'd be like "Okay, now we are going to take a look at your rectum". Fanny is way easier to digest, and sounds so much cuter!

One of his associates is a dickhead though. Fuck you sir.


One of my other doctor's on my last visit told me he has an 80 year old patient who is looking at the possibility of getting a colostomy bag, which is like the same thing as an ileostomy bag, only more towards the end of your digestive tract. She possibly has colon cancer and if she does the only way to cure it is to take her colon out and get the bag.

She told her doctors that if they open her up and the only way to cure her is to give her a colostomy bag, she wants to be closed up and not touched.

Really? I think fucking being eaten away at by colon cancer is a million times worse than a colostomy bag. I understand she's old and might be okay with facing death or whatever, and the surgery might bang her up a little more than it did to me at first. But you get so used to it. I actually just compiled of list of things you aren't able to do once you have a colostomy/ileostomy bag:

1. Poop.

I'll add more to it if anything else comes to mind. But I'm pretty sure that's it. And you still even do poop every few days!

Idk, fortunately after two days of having this thing I was over it. And a lot of the reason was because I felt like shit and my shit smelt so bad and I was in the hospital and burping up a lot of shit. Unfortunately, since I don't really have to go through the "emotional stress" of an ileostomy bag, writing about it is a little harder. I could have so many heart to hearts about the struggle, but I really don't feel that way. Instead I'm really just a whore about it and I shit on things. Not saying no one has the right to be upset with this thing, people deal with this differently. Also I can imagine it being a lot harder for girls, since it's harder to feel "pretty" with a poop bag.

I actually looked in the mirror the other day with my favorite pair of boxers on (which I'm still wearing, ew) and felt great. I'm back at 150 pounds even. I'm so used to this thing I almost went out to get the mail in just my boxers, but I felt like it was rude just to have shit hanging off of me. Well actually I didn't feel like it was rude, but I felt like other people might feel like it was rude. Whatever, fuck those people anyway.

But seriously, I'm back to doing everything I can do. Which really only consists of playing drums and hanging out anyway. But I'm sure you can even get back into athletics and stuff if you really want to! Just don't get bags from convatec, what a shitty fucking company.


  1. Joe you are the bomb, forreal.

  2. "She said something about changing the bag every day (which there is no need to do at all, I do every 3 usually, sometimes 2 or 4 even. but then it starts to smell after too long kinda.)"

    really? a bag of shit can start to smell?